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Family of Origin
Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 672035" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I do not know how this conversation would happen and be successful. There have been so many times when I have had rules. For a long time, he mocked them. Then came the time he would agree, but his understanding was completely different than my own. His perception is that "trying" is enough. What is trying?</p><p>This is the truth, Feeling.</p><p></p><p>I do not want to travel to him, that is the truth, too. I feel secure in my own home. I should want to go to the city of my birth, but I do not want to.</p><p></p><p>I do not trust him with rules. Rules are a set up for conflict. Because they are subject to subjective interpretation. It sets up an argument and a power struggle.</p><p></p><p>We talked about a motel or his staying at the property. M thinks he will want to be here. I agree. He will want to be with the animals. And food. I am sure he sees it as a non-stop feeding frenzy. The motel or the other house is another set up for conflict. When to go home. Who decides. He will feel put upon and morose. Another set up for conflict. </p><p></p><p>I am thinking that there are only two possible scenarios: no visit or he come for a set, short time.</p><p></p><p>Like arrive Wed and go home Friday, buying the departure ticket in advance. If he came Wed we could go to a nice restaurant 45 minutes away that he likes, which will eat up 3 hours. We go to bed, we go to M's sister Thursday afternoon, we go to bed. He leaves Friday mid-day. That seems like something I can handle. Two nights, one day.</p><p></p><p>One ground rule: conflict begins, he goes. And I define conflict. And he accepts this before he comes. If he does not accept it, he cannot come.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for your support, Feeling. How are you?</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 672035, member: 18958"] I do not know how this conversation would happen and be successful. There have been so many times when I have had rules. For a long time, he mocked them. Then came the time he would agree, but his understanding was completely different than my own. His perception is that "trying" is enough. What is trying? This is the truth, Feeling. I do not want to travel to him, that is the truth, too. I feel secure in my own home. I should want to go to the city of my birth, but I do not want to. I do not trust him with rules. Rules are a set up for conflict. Because they are subject to subjective interpretation. It sets up an argument and a power struggle. We talked about a motel or his staying at the property. M thinks he will want to be here. I agree. He will want to be with the animals. And food. I am sure he sees it as a non-stop feeding frenzy. The motel or the other house is another set up for conflict. When to go home. Who decides. He will feel put upon and morose. Another set up for conflict. I am thinking that there are only two possible scenarios: no visit or he come for a set, short time. Like arrive Wed and go home Friday, buying the departure ticket in advance. If he came Wed we could go to a nice restaurant 45 minutes away that he likes, which will eat up 3 hours. We go to bed, we go to M's sister Thursday afternoon, we go to bed. He leaves Friday mid-day. That seems like something I can handle. Two nights, one day. One ground rule: conflict begins, he goes. And I define conflict. And he accepts this before he comes. If he does not accept it, he cannot come. Thank you for your support, Feeling. How are you? COPA [/QUOTE]
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Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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