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Family of Origin
Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 672161" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>He would never say these things to D H, Copa. If he did, whenever he has tried, D H shut him down hard, fast, and nasty...and I sided with son against </p><p>D H. In the sense that I thought D H was too rough, and that terrible things we say echo through the generations and etc. Which was very wrong, but I could not, for the life of me, see it then. When I was done trying though, back when son was in his late twenties, and insisted that without treatment, we would not help in any way (I had found the site by that time) D H leaped in, bringing food and dog food, paying fines, driving three hours one way twice weekly, attending court dates, everything. </p><p></p><p>I was not allowed to come.</p><p></p><p>Or even, send cookies.</p><p></p><p>And at the end of it and forever after, what we hear is that D H gave just enough to be sure son could not make it.</p><p></p><p>(This was long after the times with the chicken and frozen broccoli. That D H and I did together. Also a three hour drive one way. Son was different, then. He was still someone you could love when D H tried, by himself, to save him.) Son has actually lived with us two or three times after that time. Two of those times we set him up financially. The third time, D H got him an old car and gave him $500 and that's all. </p><p></p><p>At one point, son wanted a truck and we had two so D H gave him one. Paid for the transfer. Though it was a fine truck for D H (Dodge RAM) son said it was a piece of s***.</p><p></p><p>So, that's a terrible story. There was, always and always and always, dunning us for money and then, one day finally we stopped because I stopped thinking the same way because I was here on the site, again.</p><p></p><p>For daughter, this time.</p><p></p><p>So, I have to think some more about how I think myself into believing anything is ever going to be alright.</p><p></p><p>Now you see what I mean, about wondering how D H could even stay with me.</p><p></p><p>Oh rats, you guys. Now I've blown my rep.</p><p></p><p>I just literally don't know how to think or what to think or anything at all.</p><p></p><p>Happy Hour here everyone. Have a good night. </p><p></p><p>Copa, did you hurt your back? Or is it that you are not comfortable with the mattress? </p><p></p><p>I swear you guys, my head is spinning.</p><p></p><p>That is the problem, just as D H suggested. I somehow, I convince myself I can change this by being tougher because saying no money seemed to have helped son. But the truth is, son knew he was on his own and so, did what he had to do. </p><p></p><p>I wonder why he calls me at all.</p><p></p><p>Someone told me once that when we are too understanding of inappropriate things, people turn ugly because they can.</p><p></p><p>I suppose that's what happened, then.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 672161, member: 17461"] He would never say these things to D H, Copa. If he did, whenever he has tried, D H shut him down hard, fast, and nasty...and I sided with son against D H. In the sense that I thought D H was too rough, and that terrible things we say echo through the generations and etc. Which was very wrong, but I could not, for the life of me, see it then. When I was done trying though, back when son was in his late twenties, and insisted that without treatment, we would not help in any way (I had found the site by that time) D H leaped in, bringing food and dog food, paying fines, driving three hours one way twice weekly, attending court dates, everything. I was not allowed to come. Or even, send cookies. And at the end of it and forever after, what we hear is that D H gave just enough to be sure son could not make it. (This was long after the times with the chicken and frozen broccoli. That D H and I did together. Also a three hour drive one way. Son was different, then. He was still someone you could love when D H tried, by himself, to save him.) Son has actually lived with us two or three times after that time. Two of those times we set him up financially. The third time, D H got him an old car and gave him $500 and that's all. At one point, son wanted a truck and we had two so D H gave him one. Paid for the transfer. Though it was a fine truck for D H (Dodge RAM) son said it was a piece of s***. So, that's a terrible story. There was, always and always and always, dunning us for money and then, one day finally we stopped because I stopped thinking the same way because I was here on the site, again. For daughter, this time. So, I have to think some more about how I think myself into believing anything is ever going to be alright. Now you see what I mean, about wondering how D H could even stay with me. Oh rats, you guys. Now I've blown my rep. I just literally don't know how to think or what to think or anything at all. Happy Hour here everyone. Have a good night. Copa, did you hurt your back? Or is it that you are not comfortable with the mattress? I swear you guys, my head is spinning. That is the problem, just as D H suggested. I somehow, I convince myself I can change this by being tougher because saying no money seemed to have helped son. But the truth is, son knew he was on his own and so, did what he had to do. I wonder why he calls me at all. Someone told me once that when we are too understanding of inappropriate things, people turn ugly because they can. I suppose that's what happened, then. [/QUOTE]
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