Betrayal

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, May 13, 2015.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I like this a lot. I never thought of a lot of the points made here. This can pertain to a friend, a family member, even an adult child. In general, I agree with it, including the solution.

    I just posted it FYI...it's interesting for those who have experienced it, especially in a child or other family member. You can put thoughts down if you feel like it, but I just sort of thought it was a good article to make available to both active posters are inactive readers. Let's face it...most of us are here...or ended up here...because of some major betrayal(s).

    I posted one part of the betrayal article because I had never thought about it before, but it is SO TRUE. Then I posted the link. I hope you gain some insight :)

    Betrayal is not always obvious either, sometimes the signs are there but we give people the benefit of the doubt or are in denial. At other times there are no signs and this type of betrayal can be all the more difficult to deal with.

    Sometimes the worse betrayal comes from silence. People can betray you by cloaking you in a wall of silence, thinking that it’s better to not say anything than allow you to be aware of what is really going on. In the words of Martin Luther King; ’There comes a time when silence is betrayal’.

    Whatever the course or the source of betrayal, it is important that you don’t think that it’s necessarily your fault, or is a result of something ’bad’ you did to a friend or a loved one to make them commit such an act.


    Some things fester over the years and betrayal can have many motives.

    Remember, you are not alone.


    http://youqueen.com/life/personal-development/how-to-deal-with-betrayal-the-smart-way/
     
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  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The betrayal of silence. Great picture. Thanks
     
  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Oh, wow. I am thinking of submitting some things to YouQueen.

    How cool is this?

    Thank you one more time, SWOT.

    Having a look at betrayal was a perfect theme for me today.

    Cedar
     
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Yes, you can be blindsided with betrayal. I had this happen with my sister. She had lived with our dad for 10 years after our mom passed away. She was there mainly to "be there" for him as he did not require any care, he was very capable and had a housekeeper to come in to clean. She lived there rent free and was able to attend school and work part time. I was very close with my sister, we talked everyday even though we lived in different states. I was also very close with my dad and he shared with me over the years his concerns about sister and how she liked to spend money. He had helped her out financially a few different times. Before he passed away he had updated his will to put everything into a trust for me and my sisters with an equal split. A few months before he passed I had a conversation with my sister about what her plans were when our dad was gone. She told me that she would probably move to the state where her daughter lives.
    She knew the day would come.
    A few days after my dad passed she called me in a panic, crying, telling me she was now homeless and that she felt me and the other sisters should give her our dad's house.
    In all the years she had never expressed any concern about this and to tell me only months before that she had a plan to move, I was dumbfounded.
    We did not give her the house as that was not our dad's wishes and from there on out she became very distant.
    I truly felt betrayed by her as I specifically asked her what her plans were. I was concerned about her and where she was going to go.
    Of course I'm sure she felt betrayed by me because I didn't agree with her and convince the other sisters to go along.
    It's taken years to work through my feelings but I have. We will never be close like we once were but after processing everything I don't think we were as close as I thought or she would have been more open with me.
    Life lessons................
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yep. Not talking to you, yet leading you on, is a form of betrayal. My mom did this by keeping up chat with me after LONG after she had already purged me from her life. A nice, "You're not my daughter anymore" would have been upfront and not passive-aggressive or revengeful. I don't know if she betrayed me. I truly didn't give a shotula about whatever money she had or didn't have. I feel the same way about my father. Her betrayal was not saying to my face, "I disown you" rather than speaking silently from the grave.

    Nobody wants to feel disowned by even an abusive mother. It's just a human dynamic. I held on...if just a little...until I couldn't anymore. I feel my mom betrayed me as did my disowned ex- siblings for not telling me (they knew) and also because sibs were so passive about trying to speak up in my behalf. They were making nice to me all those years while AGREEING with the big E (sigh).

    The big thing here, friends, is not to let others define us. We know who we are. They don't. I am seeing more and more how silly it is to let people who think little of you, be it a crazy mother, stranger siblings or close friends...to define who you are. That will never happen again to me. I will never buy what they are selling about me.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2015
  6. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    True. At the end of everything, that is the true thing we need to know. Internal, not external, locus of control.

    Cedar
     
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