Big fight here

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Liahona, Mar 9, 2013.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I am so upset right now. husband and I just had a fight and its very rare for me to directly challenge him. Ann was screaming because she didn't want to go to bed. He came and held his hand over her mouth. Insisting she be quiet before he would move his hand. I got right in his face yelling that he was being abusive and to listen to me. He tried to argue his point. I just kept repeating that what he was doing was not good. I got right in his face, made eye contact and glared at him until he stomped out of the room. Being Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) eye contact is very uncomfortable for him.

    Part of my PTSD is having a very hard time with males in confrontations. I'll probably get more symptoms for awhile. I will do it again if he ever tries to cover their mouths.

    thanks for listening. I didn't feel like I could talk about this with anyone, but I needed to get it out.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    You did the right thing. I am glad you protected your daughter. He needs to learn to leave the situation, not make it 100% worse. Do whatever you have to do to slow down your breathing and heartrate. Having done this now, you'll feel more empowered next time. Warrior Mom in "protection" mode. Don't ever mess with a mama bear and her cubs. ((((HUGS)))) to you sweetie. I am proud of you for not letting your fears stop you from protecting your young one.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Good for you.

    The thing to remember is husband is NOT your ex. While he might cop attitude and be pig headed......there is no reason to let your PTSD be triggered. (good way to talk yourself back out of the jitters) Believe it or not, it is a good thing for you to stand up to him when needed. Uncomfortable, yes, but it shows you that regardless of the past you can stand up for yourself and your children.

    If husband is anything like Fred, the screaming would've done him in. Sensory issue. Not that I coddled him about it. Children are children and there are going to be the occasional screams for whatever reason. I just got through a rather long period of Connor screaming all day long simply because he liked it. omg Thank heaven we passed out of that stage.

    Once tempers calm you can try to explain to him that covering her mouth will only going to exacerbate the situation. He may get it eventually, or not. Fred tended to escalate situations, which is why he wasn't allowed to handle discipline except as a backup to me. It was just not something he did well.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh honey Im sorry you had to go through that. I can understand why screaming can get to someone because when the grands are here all they do is scream and it drives me nuts. I hope you can get through to husband that what he did wont help though.
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    I'm sorry it went down, but glad you were able to stand your ground use what you knew to get him to back down.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You did good. I know it was hard, but you protected your child. The screaming can drive you nuts, but his actions were totally out of line. I hope she isn't bruised because it can happen easily if you cover a child's mouth iwth your hand. Esp if sensory issues make you less aware of your own strength.

    Be sure that you talk to husband about this today at a time when you both are calm. Maybe you can brainstorm ways to handle the screaming that would be safer and saner? If nothing else, pick up some cheap earplugs at the store for him to use when the screaming is too much for him?
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I agree, that you two will have to discuss this when you are both calm.
    So sorry it happened. Glad you were there. And I know your daughter is glad, too.
  8. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    husband will not discus this calmly. An attempt to talk about it and try to convince him will result in him raising his voice and listing the reasons why he was right. Plus throwing in anything he can about my behavior to distract from his own behavior. Then he will go hide from everyone with nothing being resolved.

    Email would go over better but won't convince him. Last night he was certain what he was doing was o.k. because he was being careful. He probably won't do it again. He has his own PTSD issues from mother in law. Now he will probably go hide from everyone for at least a few days. In the past its been as much as a few months. Luckily he is so busy with school and work that I can tell the kids (truthfully) that husband is busy. An email or talk about it would lengthen this hiding time.

    Thank you for understanding that husband is not an abusive monster like x. He was overwhelmed by the screaming. He does have ear plugs and headphones that he has used to drown out the kids noise before. He just cidn't use them this time. I guess the sensory issue was to much for him to think straight at the moment. He said several times last night "but you can hear her downstairs".

    I haven't had PTSD increase like I thought it would.

    Thankyou for responding. Especially Lisa. It helps to hear about Fred. Buster is up I'd better go.
  9. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    Wow, Liahona, I really feel for you. You don't have 7 children to teach, you have 8. My admiration of you just went up another notch. He sounds lo much like difficult child 1. He won't talk about things once they're over either and won't take any personal responosibility for his actions and never does anything wrong, and when that all fails, he turns the whole thing around to make it my fault. I can't imagine being married to someone like my son. After dealing with it all for so long, I REALLY admire your strength!!
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Way To Go! I'm sure it was difficult for you, Ann and husband. I've often wondered how I married two very different men with one thing in common...neither of them could/would discuss issues after the fact. It must be nice to "resolve" problems rather than skirt around them. Sigh! Luckily I was never disrespected but, on the other hand, often I felt issues were unresolved.
    You're doing a great job juggling so many family members. Hugs. DDD
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi sweetie. You were so strong. Ibet hub got the message as you said. Maybe have earplugs someplace you can grab them for him just in case.
    I hope you continue to keep the PTSD symptoms at bay. I'm with Tedo, you are to be admired.
  12. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Wow you are incredible. I can't believe you are sane after all of the kids and then having to deal with hubby. Good job!!!!!!!!
  13. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I make no pretense to sanity. :fantasysmiley: It is like I thought it would be. None of us have seen husband all day and probably won't for awhile. In the past I have been very hurt by this but I'm not as bothered this time. I think its because I've been able to put my thoughts into words here. Thanks all for being here.
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'm glad.