So, you know, difficult child has been pretty stable since H.'s death. Somehow mortality and life has sunk in to his little brain, and he has been able to control his impulses.......... but reality is raising it's ugly head again.......... and so much of it has to do with BD, aka bio-dad, butt dork, brain dufus.........who never, EVER, does what he says. It is driving difficult child over the edge. He tells him he will be over at a certain time to talk to him, or see him and he NEVER, EVER does it. It has gotten to the point where difficult child is asking me to step in and make it better - and I have to tell him I cannot. He is old enough that he has to start implementing his own healthy life rules, and not rely on me. Lately though, his reply to me has been "well then I want to kill myself". This is an old standby for Matt. Something he says when he feels powerless, and hopeless. I told him that tonight. That it seemed to me that he felt as if he had no control over the situation, which is why he is telling me these statements, but yet he does. He can state healthy decision to his dad, and not be his victim. However Matt does not "think he can because it would make his dad too sad". God, I just want to tear BD's head off for making the last 17 years this sorta hell for his kid. At the same time - this will be something Matt has to live with for his whole life. He has to learn how to set his boundaries in a healthy manner. None the less, I kick myself for ever making the decision to marry BD in the first place. I feel horrible for Matt..........and yet..........I cannot. He has to accept his life the way it is, and deal with it consequently.