Biopsy report in :(

[goldenguru]

Well - I sort of knew in my heart of hearts - but it was still difficult to hear.

The mass in my breast is cancerous. Today they will biopsy the nodes in the axillary area. Deductive reasoning tells me that they are likely to be malignant as well.

In some ways, I am a little less emotionally stressed now that I know. Feels like - OK , I have cancer, lets come up with a plan of attack and get on with it.

Lots of decisions to make over the months to come. The first decision I made was to not go into work today.

I will need you ladies in the months to come to traverse this journey with me. When I tried to tell my husband about my online support group, I know he thinks I'm nutty. But, the reality is that you all are a huge support. We are blessed to have each other - even in it is just in cyber space.

I would appreciate your continued prayers. I'm taking one day at a time and some days just one hour at a time.

Hugs to you all.

Kelly

 

[ctmom05]

Kelly,

I am stunned to hear this news. You sound strong right now and I know that there are times when the resolve will waver . . . . but you will pick yourself up and move on.

I am so sorry sweetie that you have to face such a difficult time. You are in my thoughts.

 

[busywend]

Kelly, I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. It will be a long hard fight ahead, but you will learn much along the way. Let your body tell you what it can and can not handle.

You will win this battle!

HUGS!

 

[Wiped Out]

Kelly,
I'm so sorry. You really can win this battle. My mom did and is doing great! I've added you into my daily prayers and will keep you there. Sending gentle hugs your way.

 

[Lothlorien]

I'm really sorry to hear this. I was really hoping for good news from you. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope it was caught early and you will have an easy therapy

 

[slsh]

Kelly, I am maintaining many positive thoughts for you here. I cannot begin to imagine how scary this is for you but I love your strength ("plan of attack and get on with it"). We of course are right here with you and for you.

Sending good thoughts and many gentle hugs.

 

[Star*]

Kelly,

Okay I have to chuckle because - back a month ago - Nancy said I was not "real" then she talked to me on the phone at the board reunion and I am real. lol - So tell your husband that despite us being just words on a board we really are real, our words are no less caring or heart felt.

So, now you know. It's cancer. I was listening to a motivational speaker not too long ago and he said "Isn't it odd, that when we are waiting on the impending news of some crisis - MAYBE loosing our jobs, MAYBE loosing our house, MAYBE we have an illness, MAYBE our children are in serious trouble - we are a wreck. It's like our brains go into -WDID mode or What DO I DO mode. But if we are told - You HAVE lost your job, you DID loose your home, you DO have emphysema, and your child IS going to jail, it's hard but your brain DEALS with it and goes into - HERE IS WHAT I WILL HAVE TO DO mode and somehow it rises above the stress of WDID mode and is able to think more clearly about the options of it's either this or that not well we could do this or this or this or this or this or this or THAT. Limiting our options sometimes as humans is a much better thing and allows us to concentrate on a solid game plan and get more positive results.

So despite what most people would look at and say "this is awful news" - because it could be and it is.....I'm going to ask you to not limit your thinking to awful, but think of it as now you have an answer - concentrate on your game plan and work hard to gain more positive results. The WHAT(diagnoses) isn't the important part of this any longer - the GOAL (solid game plan for positive results and cure) IS.

And as far as your husband. Honey - he loves you more than anyone- and he's just as scared if not more than you are - dont' forget that. All the tough skinned, macho bravado can go away like (snap) when it comes to thinking that anything over a scraped knee could happen to someone he loves as dearly and deeply as you - so when he's a little terse or crabby or snappy - keep in mind that he's going through this too. NOT like you but right beside you.

Many hugs & prayers - keep us updated as you can.
Still.....expect a miracle.
Love
Star

 

[Marguerite]

Oh Kelly, I'm sorry. But now you know - maybe that is why you feel calmer. Before, you were anxious. Now, the answers are in.

So from here the questions are going to be - what kind of tumour is it? How big is it, where exactly, and how are the lymph nodes.

Remember my friend who had the worst type of cancer possible, with almost all her lymph nodes positive - she's doing great. Hold onto that. It wasn't an easy road, there were tough times there for her, but what got her through was the sense of peace she worked on, she concentrated on being positive and on being calm.

I don't know how your health system works, but for ours, most breast surgery is considered elective and not covered except under private health insurance and even then, you pay for most of it yourself. But any breast reduction or reconstructive surgery - it's covered by our public system. I wish you were here. But you are still in acountry with a very high standard of treatment for tis sort of thing. Plus you have a good sense of purpose and direction.

It's like - before, you had this sense of impending doom, like a bullfighter in the arena before they open the gates. And now the gates have been opened, the huge black bull has charged out from gate no 5 and is pawing the floor of the arena. But at least now you can see the bull, you can see where it is, your expert eyes are sizing up the bull's muscles, its form, its way of moving and your brain is working out a strategy almost subconsciouely. Adrenalin surges through your body as you begin to move almost instinctively into the moves you need to defeat the bull.

And the crowd is in the stands watching you, cheering you on.

We're here for you. You're gonna do great. You're going to come through this with a deeper knowledge of yourself body and mind, knowing your own tolerances and capabilities to a hair.

Hugs from Down Under.

Marg

 

[judi]

Kelly - please take care. You can beat this.

 

[Abbey]

Kelly...hugs. I'm sure you are scared and hubby is probably twice as scared. My mom has been in stage 4 breast cancer for a good 5 years. She's happy, healthy and stubborn. Got to love being German. She actually quit all treatment about 2 years ago. I'm not an advocate of that, but the treatment was killing her spirit.

You KNOW you have thousands who will support you during this time. Technology has advanced so much. Always know that you have a safe place to land. Heck...I've bent a few ears over the years.

Abbey

 

[Fran]

Kelly, I'm so sorry for the less than good news. The future looks unclear to you now but in a way, you have been through this sort of situation before.
Your difficult child was at her worst, you were unable to see the future. When hubby was at his worst, you were unable to see the future. In hindsight, you did then what you plan to do now. Identify the problem, do your research, get input and make a plan. It's all any of us can do when facing hurdles that make us shake with fear and cry when no one is around.
We are here and we will give all the support and hugs we can.

You have to believe and hope for a good outcome. I don't say everything will be fine and to not worry. That is nonsense. You have been through scary stuff and you have the ability to shoulder through this. You aren't alone. Hugs.

 

[JJJ]

Kelly - They know how to beat breast cancer now. You can do it! We will be here to fight this fight with you. ((HUGS))

 

[Shari]

I have nothing more to add except many, many hugs and prayers.

And kudos for taking the day off.

 

[WhymeMom?]

We are here to support you in any way you need..... thinking of you as you take steps forward to deal with this........sending hugs........

 

[Suz]

Kelly, I am surrounded by many women friends and family who have faced this and are happy and healthy today. Hold that thought. Like others have said, do your research, find the best docs and know that we are circling the wagons to help you feel protected and loved.

Suz

 

[nvts]

Kelly! I'm really sorry to hear about the results, but I'm glad that the wait is over. So many people that I know have been through this and said that no matter how the treatments are, the worst part was waiting for the diagnosis. That being said, according to them, the worst part is over.

We all know how strong you are, but please make sure that you use us as your crutch. Feel free to pm if you just feel like it, whether to laugh, cry, complain about standing on line too long at the grocery store. We know that you're defined by who you are...not the illness (that drove my mom NUTS!).

Keep your eye on the prize - getting through the whole ordeal with a bunch of friends cheering you on from the sidelines.

Oh, one of my friends suggested that you do your holiday shopping now - this way it's something to keep you busy, your mind occupied and focused on a pleasant time of the year. You also save a fortune!

Kick it's butt hon, and know that we're with you every step of the way!

Much love and hope coming your way!

Beth

 

[DaisyFace]

Kelly--

You may consider me part of your "real, live" support group any time...

Sending ((((hugs)))) and postive vibes...

--DaisyF

 

[mstang67chic]

Ok. You have the results now. They HOOVER but now you know what you're dealing with. But as everyone else said...there are many treatment options for bc and it is curable. You will get through this and we will be right there with you the entire way.

I had a health scare some years ago. It turned out to be minor and easily taken care of but it was quite a few days before I knew. But something I learned then, may be able to help you at least a little. When I first had the initial talk with the doctor and we called my husband to come to the doctor's office, I was a mess. I held it together in the building but started crying when we went outside. husband was a big comfort but, at that particular moment, maybe too much of a comfort. He would say exactly the right thing to calm me down and get me to stop crying but the thing was.....I NEEDED to cry and get that out. Later that day I finally told him to let me cry but if he wanted to "do" something, he could just physically be there with me while I cried. I just needed to get it out. Once I did, yes I was still scared, but I got all of that initial shock/adrenaline/whatever out and I felt better. It was like I purged my body of the worst of the negative emotions and was better prepared to deal with whatever came next. Make sense?

My point is...no matter how strong you are and how determined, there may be times when you want to cry. Do it. If you feel you have to do it away from husband or anyone, fine...but still, do it. It's a way (or at least it was for me) to release some of the fear, the anger and whatever else, so that you can more easily move on to the next step or even just face that day better.

Also, it seems that a lot of the board husbands don't "get" us.....because we're words on a computer, somehow we're still strangers. To that I say PPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!! We are real, we are HERE and we are FRIENDS!!!! Cleveland was proof of that. For example...Ktmom was blaming me for the 60 books she has on her ereader just because I posted about a review site and she signed up for it. When I found her at dinner, I didn't bother introducing myself...she already knows me! Instead, I just walked up and started giving her carap right back as if we had known each other for awhile. Because.....we HAVE.

So yeah, we're real and we're here for you. We may not be there in person, but we're there nonetheless.

Chin up girl! You'll get through this, you'll BEAT this and we'll be right there with you. HUGS

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Kelly,

you seemed to know this was coming so perhaps it was waiting for the confirmation that was harder than the resolve you feel now to beat and fight this thing.

You are added to prayer list and will be remembered every day.

Courage and strength.

Sharon

 

[Nancy]

Kelly, I am sorry for your sad news but I'm sending all the positve energy I can your way. You can beat this and we will all be here to help. And yes we are real!!!

Nancy