Bipolar Disorder Support

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by C.J., Jun 14, 2013.

  1. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    Haven't posted here in years after difficult child became an adult (ahem) and moved out with the first of many loser boyfriends. After deciding the sperm donor of her baby really was just the sperm donor, she and baby moved back in with me. What a nightmare!

    She was diagnosed with BD three years ago, and stopped taking the medications after a two week stay at a treatment facility at that time. Said the medications made her feel like a walking zombie. Fast forward three years, and now with a deadbeat boyfriend, a baby under a year old, no car, no high school diploma, a 15 hour a week part time job, and she feels like her life is going nowhere. She's ticked off most of her friends and some family members - saying horrible things - accusing people of lying, or stealing, despite YEARS of their positive support for her.... Then there's the baby. I pray morning and noon and night that God sends angels to watch over them while I am away at work, or running an errand - she expects the baby to be completely happy ALL THE TIME. Hello?!?! Babies are not happy all the time.

    Anyway, she's agreed to allow me to locate a therapist and make an appointment - thank God.

    Me - I'm up at night with the baby now. I'm at least calm, and not angry with the little one for waking up hungry, or not feeling well. Last night - four times, and she complains of being exhausted.

    There's so much more I could write a novel, but I don't have the time or energy. Just wondering, for those of you with adult kids who suffer with bipolar, has anything helped you?
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi. Sorry, no experience - but you're post has been "out there" for a bit, and I don't want you to think you're being ignored.

    Others may have experiences to share... some days its a bit slow around here.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have a son with a serious mood disorder and probably narcicistic or borderline personality disorder. With girls, BiPolar (BP) often is co-morbid with borderline, but it's hard to tell if the bipolar is unmedicated. HOWEVER, as another adult with a mood disorder (me) I agree that mood stabilizers make you feel like a zombie and I won't take them. I'll take other medications, but it is no worse to be bipolar than to feel like you're living in a dream and a part of the living dead.

    As for my son, who is untreated, I am learning how to's hard, but I have to do it. If I don't, I'll end up in the same shape he is in. And I have a husband and other children I have to also spend time with. I decided I can not allow myself to get totally tied in with his games and ignore everyone else and myself.

    Gentle hugs.
  4. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I went to a local NAMI meeting, but it was only a little help. I went to a Family Anonymous meeting or two, which I thought was excellent, but the discussion was 99% about drug I didn't continue...but really thought this was an excellent group. I enjoy talking with other parents of children with this disorder. I enjoy learning more about the illness. At times, I have had to have my own therapist. But, recently, I have had to detach. It was the only way I would survive. I have learned to lean on my Higher Power as well. IT is very hard. Wishing you well.
  5. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    MWM, I'm going to respectfully disagree with you on this issue. I'm bipolar, and severely so. The PROPER dose of the RIGHT mood stabilizers do NOT make you feel like a "zombie".

    My medications are mostly right and I feel a lot BETTER than I do unmedicated.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    GoingNorth, I was only talking about myself. I'm sure they help some people, but some also quit using them because they don't like the feeling.
  7. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    Been working on detaching for years. Drives her crazy when I don't engage in the argument of the moment. i do my best to remain calm, offer no advise unless asked, and literally weather the storm (though hurricane is more like it). When she finally calms down, it's as if NOTHING - NOTHING at all has happened. I don't know if she remembers what she says, puts in a text message, writes on a social media space, etc...

    Made an appointment for a doctor to see her in a few weeks. I can only hope some combination of talk therapy and medication will allow her to have some control over the torrents of anger she unleashes at the slightest (and oftentimes imagined) provocation.

    Thank you MWM for your info regarding Borderline Personality Disorder. What other disorder will this latest diagnosis morph into? This started out with ADD when she was about 10....

    I dread going home after work at night now.
  8. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    I have my own therapist. Very helpful. She even gave me her phone number! She will help you set boundaries, needed whether your difficult child is mentally ill, abusing substances or both. Though it's really going to be hard because now there is a child involved.
  9. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    CJ my daughter Angel was diagnosis bipolar, ODD & adHd when 6yo medication trials thru the years where a total nitemare, but I gotta say when we found the right combination it was worth it. I understand where MWM mom is coming from if the mood stabilizers she has tried made her feel worse there is no reason for her to take them. The multiple psychiatric hospital. stays and injuries I occurred dealing with Angel on the wrong medications were horrible. Everyone is different what works for one person won't for another.

    I'm so glad your daughter agreed to see a therapist that is the first step and it is so great that she has you to help look after her and her baby. Hopefully someday she will appreciate everything you have done for her.

  10. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Hi Cj, and welcome back. :O)

    I have found NAMI (National Association of Mental Illness) to be a wealth of information for me. If you Google their site, you will be able to find a local number for them, and an email address.

    The local number will put you in touch with a NAMI volunteer who will be familiar with many of the issues you need support for. I have spoken to their local volunteer more than once as we have gone through this winter just to hear a warm, friendly voice from someone who knew what it felt like to go through what we were going through.

    It's all about being strong enough to keep going, to keep doing the right thing.

    Sometimes, it's even about understanding what the right thing IS.

    The email address will be a place where you can ask a variety of questions relating to solutions for problems that come up when people have developed a mental illness. For you and your daughter, I would ask about parenting classes or support groups for mentally ill parents of newborns. I am sure your daughter would do better if she could. Something like that might help her.

    I have asked NAMI a variety of things, such as whether there are scholarships available thru NAMI for my granddaughter, how to fill in FAFSA when mom is mentally ill and no longer working, how to deal with difficult child daughter's credit cards now that she is homeless and unemployed. I have received pleasant, informative answers within a very short time, every time.

    NAMI also has support groups that meet weekly, and free family to family classes to teach us more about the illness, and how to cope.

    I am sorry this has happened to you, and to your daughter, CJ. With support, I know you will be able to pull through this part successfully.

    Is your new grandchild a boy or a girl, CJ?

    As your grandchild grows, you will come to love him or her more than you ever believed possible. You are doing the right thing.

    Is there a chance you would seek custody of this child?

    Holding you and your family in my thoughts this morning.

  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    CJ, welcome back. I just wanted to say I think you've received excellent advice. It may help you to read the article at the bottom of my post on detachment. What helped me most was getting into a codependency group that went on for a year, it was through a large HMO in their Substance Abuse program. Even though my daughter is not a substance abuser, all the tools and support I received fit and it was not only invaluable, it got me to a place of sanity and acceptance. I actually ended up in a group with other parents of kids with mental and emotional issues and that was the greatest gift of all.

    The bottom line in my opinion is to begin focusing on YOU. Get into therapy. Explore NAMI. Find a parent group. You've been dealing with this for so long and now with a baby involved it is so easy to forget that we have needs and desires as well. I believe the way through all the pain of this is to get help to nurture yourself, put yourself first, take care of YOU. After that, you can make good solid choices as to what to do about your daughter and the baby when you have a full tank of self care going and have learned to detach somewhat and accept what is.

    I feel for you CJ, this is one tough path you find yourself on, but with the right support for yourself, learning to put yourself first and focusing on YOU, you will get through this and get your life back. Sending you gentle hugs and wishes for peace............
  12. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    MWM, sorry about that. I interpreted that as being a general statement.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    GN, that's ok. I wrote it like one so it was my fault :)