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Birthmom is now "Mom"
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<blockquote data-quote="Sheila" data-source="post: 140053" data-attributes="member: 23"><p>I'm sorry for the hurt. It must be difficult.</p><p></p><p>Before I adopted difficult child, I did quite a bit of research on adopted children. One thing I learned is that is pretty typical for an adopted child to have a need to find the bio mom. Not so much the bio dad, which I found perplexing.... </p><p></p><p>difficult child was 5 before he came to us -- having lived with his bm until that time. He's forgotten a lot of the horror he lived through, and now believes that life could be perfect, e.g., his bm would let him do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it, and without any consequences or responsibilities. And actually, he's 100&#37; correct -- she'd let him run wild.</p><p></p><p>I will not be the least bit surprised if, when he's older, he attempts to reconnect with her. And even knowing beforehand, I'll be crushed. But I also know that he will come to understand where the love and security lies.</p><p></p><p>I kept a poem I found when I researched adoption. It brought a different perspective to me and is of some comfort, so thought I'd share.</p><p></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The Legacy of an Adopted Child </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Author: Unknown</span></p><p></p><p></p><p> Once there were two women</p><p>Who never knew each other</p><p>One you do not remember</p><p>The other you call mother.</p><p></p><p></p><p> Two different lives</p><p>Shaped to make yours one</p><p>One became your guiding star</p><p>The other became your sun.</p><p></p><p></p><p> The first gave you life</p><p>And the second taught you how to live it</p><p>The first gave you a need for love</p><p>And the second was there to give it.</p><p></p><p></p><p> One gave you a nationality</p><p>The other gave you a name</p><p>One gave you the seed of a talent</p><p>The other gave you an aim.</p><p></p><p></p><p> One gave you emotions</p><p>The other calmed your fears</p><p>One saw your first sweet smile</p><p>The other dried your tears.</p><p></p><p></p><p> One gave you up -</p><p>it was all that she could do</p><p>The other prayed for a child</p><p>And God led her straight to you.</p><p></p><p></p><p> And now you ask me</p><p>through your tears</p><p>The age old question</p><p>through the years</p><p></p><p></p><p> Heredity or environment -</p><p>which are you the product of?</p><p>Neither my darling, neither,</p><p>Just two different kinds of love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sheila, post: 140053, member: 23"] I'm sorry for the hurt. It must be difficult. Before I adopted difficult child, I did quite a bit of research on adopted children. One thing I learned is that is pretty typical for an adopted child to have a need to find the bio mom. Not so much the bio dad, which I found perplexing.... difficult child was 5 before he came to us -- having lived with his bm until that time. He's forgotten a lot of the horror he lived through, and now believes that life could be perfect, e.g., his bm would let him do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it, and without any consequences or responsibilities. And actually, he's 100% correct -- she'd let him run wild. I will not be the least bit surprised if, when he's older, he attempts to reconnect with her. And even knowing beforehand, I'll be crushed. But I also know that he will come to understand where the love and security lies. I kept a poem I found when I researched adoption. It brought a different perspective to me and is of some comfort, so thought I'd share. [FONT=Arial]The Legacy of an Adopted Child [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Author: Unknown[/FONT] Once there were two women Who never knew each other One you do not remember The other you call mother. Two different lives Shaped to make yours one One became your guiding star The other became your sun. The first gave you life And the second taught you how to live it The first gave you a need for love And the second was there to give it. One gave you a nationality The other gave you a name One gave you the seed of a talent The other gave you an aim. One gave you emotions The other calmed your fears One saw your first sweet smile The other dried your tears. One gave you up - it was all that she could do The other prayed for a child And God led her straight to you. And now you ask me through your tears The age old question through the years Heredity or environment - which are you the product of? Neither my darling, neither, Just two different kinds of love. [/QUOTE]
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