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Birthparents issues with adopted kids
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 221184" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I will offer a little different perspective, but since I didn't follow through with it, I'm not sure how accurate it would be for your situation.</p><p></p><p>As most know, I am a single parent, and was aware that I would be from the beginning of my pregnancy. I did consider having my son adopted because I thought maybe adoptive parents could give him a life that I would not be able to- basicly - two wonderful parents, 1.5 siblings, and the white picket fence. I did not pursue this because 1) I didn't think I would be able to stick to any agreement about me staying out of his life and 2) because I could not stand the thought of him going to bed a single night wondering if his bio-mom loved him and why she "gave him up" or why she wasn't in his life.</p><p></p><p>I knew of course, that if someone else raised him, that person would be his "parent". That wasn't what bugged me. What bugged me was wondering how much damage could it possibly do for him to grow up thinking that I wasn't in his life because I didn't care, instead of understanding that I made the choice because I loved him so much.</p><p></p><p>So, my opinion is that you find and talk to the bio-mom- alone- and determine if she can and would help your child understand that she is loved, you are the mom, but that she (the child) has NO reason to feel rejected or unwanted and that good hearts have plenty of room for all people who love, accept and truly want what is best for another.</p><p></p><p>I might be the minority on this one, and it might be too idealsitic- as you know- I didn't pursue that option with my son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 221184, member: 3699"] I will offer a little different perspective, but since I didn't follow through with it, I'm not sure how accurate it would be for your situation. As most know, I am a single parent, and was aware that I would be from the beginning of my pregnancy. I did consider having my son adopted because I thought maybe adoptive parents could give him a life that I would not be able to- basicly - two wonderful parents, 1.5 siblings, and the white picket fence. I did not pursue this because 1) I didn't think I would be able to stick to any agreement about me staying out of his life and 2) because I could not stand the thought of him going to bed a single night wondering if his bio-mom loved him and why she "gave him up" or why she wasn't in his life. I knew of course, that if someone else raised him, that person would be his "parent". That wasn't what bugged me. What bugged me was wondering how much damage could it possibly do for him to grow up thinking that I wasn't in his life because I didn't care, instead of understanding that I made the choice because I loved him so much. So, my opinion is that you find and talk to the bio-mom- alone- and determine if she can and would help your child understand that she is loved, you are the mom, but that she (the child) has NO reason to feel rejected or unwanted and that good hearts have plenty of room for all people who love, accept and truly want what is best for another. I might be the minority on this one, and it might be too idealsitic- as you know- I didn't pursue that option with my son. [/QUOTE]
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