Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Bittersweet . . .
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 522934" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>Kathy... mine are younger, and we went through that. We had to figure out really early, that we had to down-play success for BOTH of them. Because... they both started measuring our "love" by our "approval". We had to focus our "approval" on things that were achievable for both of them, and those were mostly the stuff that really matters most - kindness, effort, responsibility, etc. Even then... difficult child wasn't able to perform to the same level as almost-easy child. Not until we got the real help needed for all of his issues... </p><p></p><p>We wrestled for years with this, because he just "didn't get it". We felt hurt at his "rejection". Now? He does get it. And it has less to do with his own success, and more to do with getting the help HE needed. He now feels and understands that we actually do care for him as much as for almost-easy child... even though their real world performance is different.</p><p></p><p>it's just SO HARD to deal with the difficult child push-back, the put-downs, the comparisons... and even harder to see the toll it takes on sibling relationships. And much, much harder to actually get the right answers and the right solutions and... by the time it's "adult" kids? There is less and less that we CAN do.</p><p></p><p>It's NOT FAIR.</p><p></p><p>{{hugs}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 522934, member: 11791"] Kathy... mine are younger, and we went through that. We had to figure out really early, that we had to down-play success for BOTH of them. Because... they both started measuring our "love" by our "approval". We had to focus our "approval" on things that were achievable for both of them, and those were mostly the stuff that really matters most - kindness, effort, responsibility, etc. Even then... difficult child wasn't able to perform to the same level as almost-easy child. Not until we got the real help needed for all of his issues... We wrestled for years with this, because he just "didn't get it". We felt hurt at his "rejection". Now? He does get it. And it has less to do with his own success, and more to do with getting the help HE needed. He now feels and understands that we actually do care for him as much as for almost-easy child... even though their real world performance is different. it's just SO HARD to deal with the difficult child push-back, the put-downs, the comparisons... and even harder to see the toll it takes on sibling relationships. And much, much harder to actually get the right answers and the right solutions and... by the time it's "adult" kids? There is less and less that we CAN do. It's NOT FAIR. {{hugs}} [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Bittersweet . . .
Top