Blah...Starting all over again

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jan 4, 2016.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, friends, I just sent my youngest daughter back to college. She has basketball practice tonight and every night, even though break isn't over. We ARE going to see her play on Saturday.

    Friends, since my accident, I have lost a lot of the things I really love. I loved my job, but I don't think I could do the physical stuff I had to do fractured shoulder is much better, but still sore and that would cause a problem. So I'm starting to job hunt since I feel good now, but that could take time. I was going to a mentoring class, but that's over. It ended while I was in the hospital. So I have to wait until another one starts in our area. I had made some close friends a nd have not been able to see them much since I have a lot of occupational therapy and doctor's appointments, but they are ending and now I have to start climbing the hill again. I do have a few things to's a start, but I do like to keep busy.

    I have the options of going to Missouri or Arizona for a while, but I don't know how it would be to travel alone this early after accident...and husband has to work. He took off early every day the ten weeks I was in the hospital/rehab.

    I don't know if I'm the only one who feels so sad when I have to say good-bye to a grown child...I never let her see my tears...I never let any of them see that.

    Anyway, just checking in. Don't really expect a response. I'm good at pulling myself up by the bootstraps, and that is what I'm going to have to do. And I know I will. I always do. But it's so tiring to start over....oh, well ;)

    Have a great day, everyone!!!!
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  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Aw shucks SWOT, little tears shed for you, and your struggles. When my Hoku, announced at 19, she was moving out, my heart dropped. She has been with me through thick and thin, and is a wonderful daughter and friend. I know the feeling...but you have done a wonderful job. Good luck to daughter with her basketball game! It is so different, when they are out of the house. Hard on our hearts, but blessings that they are using their wings for positive things. I thought I had to work today, but rechecked schedule, off til Wednesday. More chance to clean, or not. Actually, got to go get my keyboard checked, I do not have certain keys and I have to copy and paste "p's", no return, or parenthesis, question mark, or dashes. Small thing, driving me batty. I am glad you are on the mend, but still a ways to go will be okay, yes starting over is hard, hey, what about your naughty ebooks;)......just wanted to check in and let you know, I am right there with you sending cyber hugs and hoping the very best for you. And yes, I felt incredibly sad when Hoku left. :cry: You will be fine, you are one tough cookie, my friend. Hang in there! :hugs: leafy
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  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    It's been a long recovery for you and for your family, too. So many losses, so much change...but everything that matters is there, Serenity. It must have been hard and a little scary for Jumper to leave you, too.

    I always cry when everyone leaves. (Not in public. In private.)

    I am glad you were out of the hospital in time to have had this time with your family. I am sorry you are sad.

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  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Miss KT has lived fourteen hours away for the last four years, and I get to see her maybe twice a year. It's hard, but I try and focus on the fact that she loves where she lives (there's SNOW!), has a loving husband, a great dog, and a job she likes. We text back and forth, and talk nearly every day...but it's not the same as seeing her.
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  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is her second year of college and, if I'm honest, not th at far. She always has come home a lot and we go there. She's a strange young woman who enjoys family time and is never embarassed to hang with us or hug us in front of all her friends, even when she was in high school. She wanted to spend more time here, Cedar, but she wasn't really sad, just kind of irritated because her basketball coach wants her to never miss a practice and college doesn't start again until the 17th. It was nice having her here, but, honestly, she spent A LOT of time at her boyfriend's house and out with girlfriends too. But she is sort of a very good friend now that she is a young woman. I really get sentimental about my girls, all three of them!!! Sonic lives really close and Bart calls me every day...I'm close to them too, but they don't like to go shopping with

    Cedar, the accident has been very hard. I don't like people to know that or to admit it even to me and I'm very happy that at my age I still am healing so well. But it was a huge setback as my life was just about perfect and now I have to find a new job...that's t he worst of it. I loved my job and all my co-workers and have been in to see them. But since I broke my hand and scapula, I don't have the ability to do that job right now. I also am t he type of person who thrives with a structured life and now I have too much time on my hands, but I'm working on that.

    My biggest problem right now is putting on my big girl pants and finding stuff to do until I find a part time job. Thanks for your kind words, all of you. I'm sure everything will be fine soon :)
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    You have a lot going on and a lot of new starts.

    We went and had dinner with my college daughter last night.... She was going to come home for a night but wasn't feeling well so we went to see her. This vacation she has been working a lot so only came home for a couple of days at Xmas and may come home again for 1 night before school starts. And I feel sad that she has not been home for a chunk of time this vacation..... And yet honestly I have nothing at all to complain about with her!! She is my easy child and is doing great in her life, in college, working, being independent all the things we wish for our grown children. But I miss having her home!! So I understand your tears ....
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  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Serenity, my first post to you was kind of all over the place, {too much coffee}.
    Starting all over is hard, and frustrating. It is a mountain. Instead of looking up at the mountain, zigzag it across. This you have been doing. I am amazed at your incredible attitude, your steadiness, and your healing thus far.
    It is one heck of a testimony to your resilience. Anyone would be fortunate to have you on their team.
    I hope what this means for you, is that you will find an even better job.
    It is hard to see now, with the healing you still have to do, and the losses you have faced. You are a real trooper, and can conquer anything with your moxy. Pulling for you, for bigger and better things to come, in 2O16. Starting all over again is hard, and slow, but you gonna make it.

    Ps, I still didn't fix my keyboard....:(
  8. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Serenity, I am going to lay down now but want to check in and tell you what I think.

    What you have lost can be regained. In a very short time.

    You have gained a great deal since the accident. Most of all a profound appreciation of your life, of what you have, what you have made. Foremost is love.

    Before your accident I knew you only about 5 months. But it was many times daily contact, with a rare intimacy.

    You have changed, Serenity. There is a peace about you. An even greater kindness and compassion. A serenity.

    Most of all an acknowledgement of what you have in life, the great bounty. And a deep gratitude for it.

    You have suffered a great deal, from the accident but more in your life. The person who you are, have become, is one who has learned life's lessons, and wants to share them at the deepest level.

    While this was so before the accident, the quality seems way deeper now.

    As far as leaving town, only you can decide. I sense you want to be at home. You may be restless, but that will soon be remedied. You are at the brink of the best and sweetest your life has been, I feel it.

    Why not think about what you have not done and would like to do. You know me. I like arts and crafts. I would learn something new in textiles with other women. Your area has a great tradition in needle arts like spinning and weaving and embroidery, knitting and crochet. Or quilting. Women sit around together. It would be the greatest way too make new friends.

    I can hear you all the way from the midwest saying EWWWWW.

    Whaddayawant, Serenity--I cannot recommend sledding or kayaying. What about ice fishing? I always wanted to do that.

    Or felting. How I would love to learn felting. Except they do not do that in groups.

    I love to play bridge. It is so fun. I think you would be great. But I don't think you would want to do that, either.

    What about a swimming pool aqua therapy class, in a group? They may have one for elders. (Smile. Remember before you slug me. I am older than you by a little bit.)

    Last edited: Jan 4, 2016
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks both. I may try our book club and I love to volunteer. Ill find new structure. I dont have tons of notice?
  10. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Wish I could help but I know I can't. FWIW, you are in the same (or similar) boat with my oldest friend (literally we met in kindergarten). She had a revision of a knee replacement October 21. 6 weeks later, just as she was getting ready to go back to work, she developed an infection - MRSA - So back to the hospital and then home on IV antibiotics. She can't go back to work until released, doesn't see the doctor until the 15th and her FMLA runs out the 13th...she isn't even allowed to drive yet! (Luckily her husband has a good job.)

    I'd do anything to be able to help her. But I can't think of a thing!

    Just like I'd like to help you. :hugs:
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    This is a LOT. You suffered physical trauma. Lots of losses. Changes. Disorientation. Bad pain. Current pain. And now, Ina way, a different kind of loss and a strain because you don't feel free to express this to her and perhaps this is wise. If you aren't seeing a therapist, you should consider it. Sorry if this sounds trite or simplistic. But, I do think it helps most people process great difficulties. It also helps if you are blessed with a caring friend that you can share with and have the ability to spend some extra time with them during this rough patch.
    Think about what brings you joy. Keep yourself busy with that. Be nurturing and caring for yourself as you would with a loved one (yourself). Hope this makes sense.
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2016
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    thanks again. Actually, I'm almost pain free and healing well and since I d on't remember th e accident or the few weeks following, I don't feel traumatized. I have seen a therapist since I was Thanks for telling me to take care of me. I'm starting to do the things I love and to hang at a place I also love. I am starting to feel useful again and have been very busy all week long. I am looking for another job.Tomorrow we are going to watch Jumper in a basketball game, which is always fun.

    Things are looking up. I'm stubborn and will not allow myself to be "down" for too long.

    I appreciate the kick in the butt ;)