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Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by amazeofgrace, Jul 9, 2008.

  1. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    yes boys and girls I have officially & certifiably lost it!:puppet:

    difficult child I has court 2morrow for breaking probation. The good thing was that he had gotten a job, so he probably would not be sent back to JV.

    But now difficult child I is gone, he left the house, after calling me every name in the book and my Dad a MF'r. I am fighting with my Mom because it's been an hour and I have to call the police, she doesn't think I should she thinks I should wait. he is now breaking probation again and I guess he does not care about his new job very much.

    I tried to call S2BX to allow him some imput on the decision process here, but evil mother in law picked up, so I hung up.

    Sigh I wanna puke.:whiteflag:
  2. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Oh no. I'm so sorry. I hope things turn around on a positive note. Don't puke.....*breathe*, *breathe*, *breathe*.

  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sounds like daddy getting out is causing major stress. If he were doing it just to get high or something, I wouldn't hesitate to call the police. However, given the stress he's under, I would hesitate and try to find him on my own. Tough call, though. I hate when our kids do such a great job of sabotaging themselves.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    been there done that- it is a TOUGH spot, I know. Hang in there. I do want to point out though, that unless you have a good feeling about where he is and what he is doing, you might to consider how you are going to handle it if a) he isn't home by a certain time and you feel you have to call police because you are wooried about him (they will require that you tell them how long he has been gone and other details and the court will learn about it all tomorrow) or b) if the police call you and asked you if you know where he has been and what he has been doing (because they now have picked him up for something else) and they will require you to explain why you didn't call them when he first left.

    I'm really not trying to make your night worse by telling you these things- I promise- but I have felt that "hot-seat" for over a year now and am just trying to prepare you.

    When difficult child disappeared for 2 hours while on probation, I did call police. True, difficult child has BiPolar (BP) issues (with resulting risk to injury) that give me additional worry and I am by nature a hiigh-anxiety worry-wart. Another thing I was concerned about- that even though this would be reporting him for a violation, if I didn't call and they found out, then in the future if there was a choice whether or not to send difficult child home on probation, they might not do it because they would think that they couldn't count on me to enforce their rules.

    Hopefully, he will come home on his own soon and you can disregard everything I just said!!

    PS- we have court in the morning too- and we don't know why. It is our 5th one in 4 1/2 weeks and only the first 2 were scheduled.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Sweetie,
    I'm so sorry. Just what neither of you need right now. Crossing fingers and saying prayers he is home soon.
  6. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    oh now he is home, and he is going 10 rounds with my Mom cursing at her. She threatened to call the police and (trying not to laugh) accidently hit send when she dialed 911, how ironic, now the police are on their way, difficult child I is ranting he is not talking to the pigs! They sending a car out. This should be interesting.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It might not seem like it right now, but in the long run, this might work out for the best. First, they will probably file a report and you can tell them about stress from S2BX release. Then, you don't have to worry about CYA for yourself. Next, in my humble opinion, this is actually better than difficult child thinking that you would sit there and take all this, especially while he is on probation, and that there wouldn't be any consequences.

    I hope it works out well- keep us posted. I'm worried for you now.

    But.... wasn't it your Mom who didn't want to call police earlier when he was cursing you and your Dad and he left without permission?????
  8. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Funny how our Moms can change their tunes. :slap:Goodness.... I'm really sorry he's fighting everything so much. I'm sure he's stressed about his dad, but... it's not an excuse for such inappropriate behavior.

    I'm a bit of a hard case, but I think probation rules are *the* rules and if he breaks them... well, if there are no consequences then what's the point of having probation, you know? I guess I think of it in terms of in a few short years, the judge isn't going to care that he's got stressors going on at home and that's why difficult child didn't follow a court order. Best to get that point home to him now before his choices become part of a permanent record.

    I'm *really* sorry that you are caught between your parents and difficult child, and difficult child and the police and courts. Sounds like it's time for Calgon, ear plugs, and a nice glass. :wine:

    Hope things settle down for you tonight - will be thinking of you tomorrow!
  9. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    well I so badly wanted to say he had left, I should have, because right after the officer left after warning him not to leave, difficult child I smirked at me and said "see" "I didn't get in trouble". I really want to puke now. My Mom is in her room crying, because she's upset she actually dialed 911, sigh...............................

    Now difficult child I is sulking that his life is over because he had to drop names, when he was caught over a month ago, and they are bad people, and it's "you get them or they get you" I wish I new what to think anymore, but I don't I am just fried and tired of the rollercoaster, everyman in my life, my Dad, My Husband, my sons are a rollercoaster.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    difficult child might be surprised- don't be shocked if they know about this and bring it up in court tomorrow.
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    So sorry you're having to deal with this. Sending many hugs. Please let us know how it goes in court.
  12. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am very upset about this - my tummy hurts just reading this and I am not even living it! You must be just sick! :sick:

    difficult child I is stressed and trying to figure out away to avoid court tomorrow. Is he still beyond talking? Maybe it would help if you can help him go over what he thinks might happen tommorrow. Point out to him the good such as his job. Try to make a list of positives that he can lean on. Then talk about everything that may come up tomorrow - what is he most scared of?

    Oh, I really don't know how you do this - I really wish I could come to help relieve some stress in your home but don't know what that would be.

    We are all rallying around you - do you feel our comforting arms shielding from the hurts that are attacking you? Sending the strongest strength I can muster - stay safe tonight and keep us posted.
  13. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Yes, we ARE rallying around you.

    Extra prayers for difficult child tonight. Extra hugs for you, mom.
  14. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Hope things go well in court tomorrow. Sorry the evening was such a disaster.
  15. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    A little input time he leaves and breaks probation, you need to call, regardless what mom says. If he does something destructive or hurts someone or destroys property while gone and you are privy to it, you and your parents will be liable and could get sued. Make the call.

    I'm going to PM you with a phone number for you to call.
  16. I am so sorry you are going through this. I really can't imagine what you are feeling right now, but I am sending you BIG HUGS. It sounds to me though that difficult child I needs an eye opener. I agree he might think he didn't get in trouble now, but it could very well be brought up in court.

    I keep reading over and over again on here about how at some point we need to let our difficult child's deal with the consequences of their actions and not try to pick up after them. It sounds to me that difficult child I needs to catch the heat for his actions. Umm gee, he wouldn't have had to rat on "bad" people if he wasn't involved with them in the first place. In the world according to difficult child's, it's all everyone else's fault, right?

    Anyway, I just want to give you some cyber hugs, because in the end that is all I can do - I haven't been in your shoes and I hope I never will (it scares me to death).