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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 561439" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thanks, Buddy - it's good to have someone understand. Yes, I too feel emotionally bowled over by such a scene.</p><p>Essentially, I realise, I want to avoid them... for J's sake, and also for mine. Such scenes feel pointless and damaging - yet obviously at five years old (i'll only be writing that for another month <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />), he cannot control his emotions with any great success. More worryingly, neither can I in these situations. I was very consciously NOT allowing myself to get really provoked but he is very talented, I suppose like all difficult children, at pushing buttons and provoking you in a hurtful way. I think he is clearly insecurely attached, yes, to come out with all this stuff for minimal cause. </p><p>I can see, though, that he DOES have some self-control - he stopped himself from hurting me a couple of times, clearly something he found very difficult but did nonetheless, and his tantrums are always quickly over. This all lasted 10 minutes, at the most. He calms himself and always says sorry at some point. So it could be worse, but as for all of us that's kind of a meaningless statement. We just get to deal with what we've got. As I've said many times, I keep getting lulled into a sense of security, understandably, because when you treat him with affection and respect, J is this delightful, sweet, funny and bright child continually saying amusing and creative things... then this demon appears, quite dark and destructive. I'd like to be better armed in dealing with him...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 561439, member: 11227"] Thanks, Buddy - it's good to have someone understand. Yes, I too feel emotionally bowled over by such a scene. Essentially, I realise, I want to avoid them... for J's sake, and also for mine. Such scenes feel pointless and damaging - yet obviously at five years old (i'll only be writing that for another month :)), he cannot control his emotions with any great success. More worryingly, neither can I in these situations. I was very consciously NOT allowing myself to get really provoked but he is very talented, I suppose like all difficult children, at pushing buttons and provoking you in a hurtful way. I think he is clearly insecurely attached, yes, to come out with all this stuff for minimal cause. I can see, though, that he DOES have some self-control - he stopped himself from hurting me a couple of times, clearly something he found very difficult but did nonetheless, and his tantrums are always quickly over. This all lasted 10 minutes, at the most. He calms himself and always says sorry at some point. So it could be worse, but as for all of us that's kind of a meaningless statement. We just get to deal with what we've got. As I've said many times, I keep getting lulled into a sense of security, understandably, because when you treat him with affection and respect, J is this delightful, sweet, funny and bright child continually saying amusing and creative things... then this demon appears, quite dark and destructive. I'd like to be better armed in dealing with him... [/QUOTE]
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