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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 561535" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thanks all. It wasn't the change in routine - it's not the very first time J has gone to bed without brushing his teeth. When he's been supertired before, on a couple of occasions, I've let him brush them in the morning. My intuition (something we should trust more than we do <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />) at the time of the incident was that it was my use of the word "disgusting" that set him off, doubtless exacerbated by his tiredness. Brushing teeth used to be a really big issue and battle - now he always protests mildly and is not keen but always does it without more fuss than that. </p><p>I think there is an attachment issue between us. It's certainly not on the level of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), but it's an insecurity in attachment nonetheless. I think this has been created or worsened by my frequent irritation at his difficult behaviour in the past - I am REALLY working on this and I am more patient and understanding of his difficulties now. This is not really beating myself up but rather taking the bull by the horns!</p><p>I have sometimes wished I could take a film of J as he is most of the time with me - he is just so sweet, affectionate and funny. I was thinking yesterday... gosh, he's a great kid and I don't know that I've accurately conveyed this to him. I do make positive remarks to him often but on balance I've probably given him more of a negative impression of himself, just because of the difficulty of the behaviours at times. I NEVER make a directly negative remark to him along the lines of "You are naughty", "You are difficult", etc, but my stress and irritation conveys that message.</p><p>Don't get me wrong... I am just human... the behaviour has sometimes been deeply aggravating... my own behaviour is understandable... but with J it won't wash. He does have special needs and parenting him has to take account of that. Which involves a particular work for me, dealing with my own reactions. Which is true for ALL parents, of course, but more so in our cases, I think.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 561535, member: 11227"] Thanks all. It wasn't the change in routine - it's not the very first time J has gone to bed without brushing his teeth. When he's been supertired before, on a couple of occasions, I've let him brush them in the morning. My intuition (something we should trust more than we do :)) at the time of the incident was that it was my use of the word "disgusting" that set him off, doubtless exacerbated by his tiredness. Brushing teeth used to be a really big issue and battle - now he always protests mildly and is not keen but always does it without more fuss than that. I think there is an attachment issue between us. It's certainly not on the level of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), but it's an insecurity in attachment nonetheless. I think this has been created or worsened by my frequent irritation at his difficult behaviour in the past - I am REALLY working on this and I am more patient and understanding of his difficulties now. This is not really beating myself up but rather taking the bull by the horns! I have sometimes wished I could take a film of J as he is most of the time with me - he is just so sweet, affectionate and funny. I was thinking yesterday... gosh, he's a great kid and I don't know that I've accurately conveyed this to him. I do make positive remarks to him often but on balance I've probably given him more of a negative impression of himself, just because of the difficulty of the behaviours at times. I NEVER make a directly negative remark to him along the lines of "You are naughty", "You are difficult", etc, but my stress and irritation conveys that message. Don't get me wrong... I am just human... the behaviour has sometimes been deeply aggravating... my own behaviour is understandable... but with J it won't wash. He does have special needs and parenting him has to take account of that. Which involves a particular work for me, dealing with my own reactions. Which is true for ALL parents, of course, but more so in our cases, I think. [/QUOTE]
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