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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 561707" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Yes - of course it's hard to tell what is character, what is environment. J has had this incredibly strong, determined, larger than life personality from the beginning, really from the beginning. I think it's all a mixture of things, probably.</p><p>He was his "usual" friendly, bubbly self this morning so in a tranquil moment I asked him in an even voice why he said these things about me not being his mummy and he laughed rather sheepishly and said "I'm just pulling your leg." So then I explained briefly that it made me feel sad and that it didn't help us to feel close to each other. I also said I wouldn't talk about Kenza any more but if he wanted to, he was free to; I said I was the only mummy he had really and that I wished he had grown in my tummy. He seemed pleased by that. </p><p>The adoption is another element added into the combination of factors that make his behaviour so difficult. As is his early life and my divorce, etc. I am firmly convinced J would be better off emotionally within the context of a large family, a la marocaine... unfortunately it isn't what he has for the moment and there we are. He had received other advantages by living in France and the order and structure of life here is doubtless good for him. He remains though, despite SuZir's thoughtful words, a little Moroccan boy and this is how he describes himself and how I describe him to himself... He lives in France, speaks French with the very distinct local accent but he is from Morocco and I think it is good that he has this clear sense of identity. Even if he has a rather more cosmopolitan life than most Moroccans his age...</p><p>He is at this moment under my computer desk with the dog, having taken a pillow and blanket to set up a bedroom there... He has just announced that he is going to sleep "And I'm going to have a dream - about toupies (a toy) and... umm.... butterflies!" This is the kind of funny thing he says all day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 561707, member: 11227"] Yes - of course it's hard to tell what is character, what is environment. J has had this incredibly strong, determined, larger than life personality from the beginning, really from the beginning. I think it's all a mixture of things, probably. He was his "usual" friendly, bubbly self this morning so in a tranquil moment I asked him in an even voice why he said these things about me not being his mummy and he laughed rather sheepishly and said "I'm just pulling your leg." So then I explained briefly that it made me feel sad and that it didn't help us to feel close to each other. I also said I wouldn't talk about Kenza any more but if he wanted to, he was free to; I said I was the only mummy he had really and that I wished he had grown in my tummy. He seemed pleased by that. The adoption is another element added into the combination of factors that make his behaviour so difficult. As is his early life and my divorce, etc. I am firmly convinced J would be better off emotionally within the context of a large family, a la marocaine... unfortunately it isn't what he has for the moment and there we are. He had received other advantages by living in France and the order and structure of life here is doubtless good for him. He remains though, despite SuZir's thoughtful words, a little Moroccan boy and this is how he describes himself and how I describe him to himself... He lives in France, speaks French with the very distinct local accent but he is from Morocco and I think it is good that he has this clear sense of identity. Even if he has a rather more cosmopolitan life than most Moroccans his age... He is at this moment under my computer desk with the dog, having taken a pillow and blanket to set up a bedroom there... He has just announced that he is going to sleep "And I'm going to have a dream - about toupies (a toy) and... umm.... butterflies!" This is the kind of funny thing he says all day. [/QUOTE]
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