board games...........

[Jena]

hi

I hope everyone is well and difficult child's are happy and we all have a really Calm.... weekend.

So, has anyone tried board games with their difficult child's to teach them impulse control? I play board games with difficult child maybe a few times a week. Yet to be quite honest it isn't until now I have grabbed the concept of trying to teach her impulse control through using the board games.

She often gets frustrated, has a hard time sticking to rules, has a hard time waiting her turn, etc. i'Tourette's Syndrome overall chaos at times. It is a hard concept all of these things in general, surprise surprise..........

I often walk her through it slowly, yet now i've learned to go really slowly and break the entire thing down step by step and try to teach her as the anger hits how to recognize it (the tightening of her muscles, etc.) before she blows and gets verbally aggressive and says things she doesnt' mean etc. we all know how that goes.

So, it's def not easy and it's def going to take a while. Yet has anyone else taken this approach, the break the game down approach talk about muscles tightening how it feels, how to recognize the anger before acting on it? If so, how did it go? any success???

thanks, was just wondering......

 

[Andy]

That does sound like a great idea! Start with easier games and once the skills are there, add harder games that take more strategy.

1st step: Candy Land (you just do what the card says - no choice)

2nd step: Trouble (you have to choose which piece to move)

3rd step: Checkers (you have to think about what your opponent's move may be)

I like this idea! Games teach so much. I find the hardest to learn is to loose without feeling like a looser. Kids don't understand the, "Years from now you will not remember the result of the game but you will remember that Mom played games with you.". It is the time put into them that make quality family time but the kids like to keep everything focused in their own world and often times can not handle the loosing part.

 

[Jena]

yea exactly. difficult child has horrible impulse control issues as well as verbal aggression and sometimes physical as well as of late; especially with easy child.

this is what i've learned through doing it outside the home. i tried it the other night and difficult child got upset and walked away from the game, cooled down than i had her come back yet again to give it another shot.

let me just say that i have yet to see a therapist do this with my difficult child. they seem to utilize the game to gain trust, bond, etc. yet not for this purpose.

amazing and scary all at the same time.

also having them make up their own game. i'll have so much more room in the new place i'm going to make different storage containers up for certain things i think to work on her with. i want to wean her from seroquel and i'm trying so hard to learn how to teach her to recognize the behaviors before they hit and to control them.

by the way i have seen a totally out of control kid transform via therapy and medications' during therapy and got weaned off and is maintaining. it gives me hope.

 

[Andy]

You just made me smile.

A kid totally out of control who through therapy and medications during therapy transformed to be weened off of medications and is maintaining his own? Hmmmm, sounds like my difficult child!

 

[Jena]

your difficult child is doing great and you should be soo soo proud of that. it is great.

yet this one was physically destructive to all and everything, locked up, self mutilating.

i've never seen anything like it before and it took a long time yet it does give me hope.

 

[Andy]

That is amazing! And it is important to let others know of these successes because when the toughest of tough cases are turned around, there is hope for others. It somehow increases our patience with our kids giving them more time to grow.

This new job of yours is perfect for you in so many levels. I know you can not share details but an overview of a success story once in awhile without personal details would give us all hope as well as give you a chance to share a happy day!

 

[totoro]

Zooreka I think is the name? By Cranium.
We love playing it with the girls.
It teaches K especially, how to take turns, how to work with the other players, how to save her pieces so she can earn a *habitat*.
There is a lot going on in this game, but it is easy enough for them to follow and fun.
It really does help with impulse control and overall emotional control.
When we first started playing, K would freak out and storm out. Now she does so much better.
husband and I even enjoy it!

 

[Marguerite]

I also was thinknig about Trouble or Checkers, because you have to make choices - will I move my first piece all the way home before I get out another one, or will I move tem all out as a team? Sometimes it's good to get onepiece almost home and then use your moves to get other pieces further along, when you're down to the last few moves and need exactly the right number.

Or there are card games - it teaches turn taking as well as some strategy, especially with gin rummy or similar games, where you have to choose which way to collect cards to form a set.

As the child gets older you can move to more challenging games - go from rummy to bridge, for example. Or mah johg.

What about chess? She's not too young. Most computers have simple chess games on them, you set it up into two-player mode and eitherplay together that way, or get her to play black AND white (that way she always is a winner!). The computer will help her know when she'd made an illegal move. When you're learning, I find it's best to have a computer help you know what your options are for the moves, because each piece moves differently.

Once you know how the pieces move, chess becomes increasingly intricate, as you can handle it. It's a handy skill to have; you don't have tobe smart (althogh it helps!) but if you can play chess, even a little, people THINK you're smart. And she's not too young - I teach chess at the local school, many of the beginners are Kindergarten kids aged 5. difficult child 3 was playing chess younger than that. He learnt by playing it on the compute.

However - don't have a beginner play against the computer, especially a basic program. The computer wins too fast, it's really demoralising. Or if you do, let the computer beat you while your child watches, so the kid doesn't feel so dumb.

Chess is good for teaching you to think ahead in the game, to plan and to have alternate plans in mind if your opponent does something you're not expecting. There are some cute tricks you can learn to help you win a game more easily. YOu can teach these to yourself as you go. Thereare some good books to help teach - look in the local library.

Another associated game, between Trouble and chess, is backgammon.

Marg

 

[house of cards]

I have better luck with the old fashioned physical games like Mother may I and Simon Says. My kids have had melt downs even when they win at board games, go figure, sigh.

 

[Janna]

Surprisingly, with no explination, D does incredibly well with board games.

Some of his favorites:

Yahtzee (helps with math)
Sorry (and Sorry Sliders, he LOVES the little balls on the bottom, they slide around, it's cool)
Electronic Battleship (need patience for this one it's a long game LOL)
Monopoly (works with money - and not the bank card one...LOL)
Scrabble (helps with spelling and word recognition)

I know some of these games seem very adult. With the Scrabble, for instance, he can't get the concept of how the tiles are supposed to align. LOL! But, he gets the words, so that's my focus. We work on the alignment every time, but I dunno if he gets it.

I try to steer away from baby type games (Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, Hungry Hippo, etc) just because they're not age appropriate. They may help with YOUR particular issue, though?

Sometimes just grabbing a coloring book and crayons and making them do the whole page and stay in the lines is enough for impulse control. That may be a good idea for your difficult child. It takes more patience to do that (and staying in the lines!!!!!!!!!!) than a board game LOL!

Cards are good too. Dollar Store has great card games for a buck. Old Maid, Crazy Eights, etc.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

I haven't read the other replies, but I will say that we always loved board games! When difficult child was small, his first game was Lucky Ducks!! The it was Hi Ho Cherry Oh and on from there.

There were times when we would "throw" the game for him, but as he got older, we stopped.

One thing we found was giving him any responsibility in the game. He has loved Monopoly for years! He is always the banker! He also loves Life! Giving them the "jobs" of the game is a good way to keep them honest and tuned in.

Sharon

 

[crazymama30]

difficult child's therapist used games with difficult child for this, as well as to build a relationship. We like UNO, not a board game but a game. Currently we like UNO spin. I was amazed, as we played the other night and easy child(who is not acting like a easy child lately) was really trying to push difficult child's buttons. He looked at her and said it is just a game. He is usually Mr. Competitve, I have to win and be the best. You could have knocked me down with a feather.

 

[Jena]

there's a template at work of a game of which is amazing i've heard. it teaches them a million things, i asked if i could share it and got the ok. so next week after i move and can find my clothes lol i'll post it.

now, dont' get me wrong i'm not saying games solve all, it was just interesting to see that one particular thing with medications and a whole lot of other things made such a difference

 

[jannie]

I actually had a special contract/chart with difficult child for game playing. We made a chart and it said something like. " I lost a game without getting upset" and he would earn a prize after a set number of times. This actually worked for him and sometimes we played short games as well. He was really motivated for this reward, enjoyed the adult interaction time and learned to better handle losing.....However, even though this strategy really helped a lot...losing games and the frustration/competition associated with this continues to still be a problem....

We also like yahtzee, monopoly, connect four, blokus, card games,

 

[Jena]

good morning the charts are very cool. you thought of that on your own? wow, very cool.

Another thing i've come to learn is base everything off positive praise, not punishment. i said huh...? lol.

they set weekly rewards in place, give the kids something to look forward to sort of thing. they chart the behavior all week, yet not one of those sad face thingies sheesh i hate those with the stickers. yet one where they earn weekly points for each thing done. than at end of week they can use those points for their reward. it can be as simply as a 5$ spending at a game stop for a used game. yet it's constant reward alot of parents don't like it lol. yet it really seems to work.

 

[ML]

Manster loves making board games. I agree that board games can be helpful to teach some valuable skills. Like for m, learning how to lose without getting mad. And patience, impulse control and strategies. I think you're onto something there, Jena. Hugs, ML

 

[DramaQueenLucy]

We play games as well one of our favorites is connect 4...but I might suggest a prize bag. I found that difficult child 2 wouldn't play if he thought he was losing so I used a prize bag for some random thing to make the game just for fun, Know what I mean?? Something totally random like who sat in what chair or who put the first piece in the middle row then it became fun for my kiddos...just a suggestion

 

[Jena]

i love how everyones respecting my a.k.a. as of late..... and calling me jena too funny