Board Power needed as I ask easy child to move out today

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Jul 12, 2010.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I am going to give easy child a deadline to be out today.

    Her attitude stinks and when she broke up with Casper, she conveniently blamed all her junk on her being with him...believing that once they were broken up, she was cured. Not so much.

    She waltzes in and out of here like the queen and hides out in her room when she is here. She reacts to all of us as if we have a highly contagious disease or that anything we say is stupid. She is rude & disrespectful (though she tries to have it come off as a joke) to all of us and down right mean to difficult child. She only is sweet when she wants something from one of us.

    As I've posted before, she's been looking for an apt, which I was estatic about, but it's not happening fast enough.

    Her father's family is planning a big get together for him on 7/22 for his birthday. difficult child had been planning on visiting him that weekend anyway and now easy child decided she would go down with her new boy toy for a visit the same weekend. In my oblivion, I didn't think much of it because I heard about the family get together. Apparently, no one told easy child that it was a big family thing so get this. easy child asked difficult child to go another weekend because, her words, "I don't want to be there on the same weekend as you because I don't like being around you and I only want to go with boyfriend". difficult child tried to explain that it was a family thing and easy child said some rotten things to difficult child and then in turn, difficult child said some rotten (though TRUE) things back to easy child and easy child stormed out and went to her car and cried. difficult child ran out and explained to her that their aunt and cousin were keeping it a secret from easy child about the big family event because they thought it would be funny for easy child to bring a new boyfriend to a family thing, etc. Now, it is likely that easy child will either not go at all or not bring the new boyfriend and sulk the entire time. Her aunt and cousin can be jerks at times. Anyway, easy child told difficult child that she doesn't want to be near her because she (difficult child) is depressing and b***hy. Not exactly true these days. It's actually easy child who is depressing and b***hy. Whenever she has a boyfriend she is mean & withdraws from us.

    I have had it and I plan on telling her she needs to be out by end of August (I would like to say end of July, but I know she has nothing lined up). I also plan on telling her that she would be well served going back to counseling, as it was not all Casper who was making her miserable and mean - she does it very well on her own!

    Of course, I can't put it all down, it would take too long, but there is a lot more to the story. I just am sick and tired of her cruddy attitude and self righteousness. She even said to difficult child "You're just jealous because my life is perfect" and that's what it's always about with easy child. She loves to give the picture that everything is perfect. And once things aren't perfect, she will find things wrong with her boyfriend....blah blah blah. She doesn't get that life has ups and downs and that once the honeymoon of this new romance dies down a little, that she's basically dating a dark haired Casper all over again. Makes me sick to watch it, but we all have to make our own mistakes in love and romance.

    And the one other thing is that I also plan on telling her that she can start giving me an additional $200 towards the college degree I'm paying for that she's not using. That really makes my blood boil every month. Ugh. I will be paying on that until 2016 - and I only did so because this was supposed to be her dream! I was grateful she had a dream, I wasn't thinking I guess. Stupid me. And her dad, my exh is paying a similar bill, and he REALLY has no extra money!

    So, part vent, part request for some board power, please. Thanks.
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs. I hope the talk goes well, and that she listens .... sending good vibes and prayers your way!
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like time. So sorry she is being a PITA. Hopefully moving out on her own will make her realize just how much she took you guys for granted.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and lots of strength. Hope the talk goes well.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sending lots of support. Sounds like its beyond time...
  6. Bean

    Bean Member

    Supporting thoughts and hugs.
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I am having trouble finding the words.
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I found the words! Turns out you just open your mouth and say what needs to be said! I cried, she sat stone faced and denied that she's had attitude. I raised the issue of her college tuition and about showing gratitude, etc. I touched on the issues between her and difficult child, but agreed it was between them to work out, but not before telling her how it breaks my heart-lol. I said that her self centeredness is not okay and that she should go back to her therapist. Told her I love her and all that good stuff but that it's time.

    She did not receive all I had to say well, but I got it out to her and that's all that matters to me right now. Thanks for all the 'power'!
  9. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I'm glad you found words.

    You are right, it's time.

    Daughter doesn't dare because she knows...bye bye. But, did I ever get a lot of nonsense until she turned 18. Not anymore.
  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    So, what's the date, Jo?

    Shall we start a countdown? :devil:

    (by the way, I'm not so sure I'd refer to her as a easy child anymore)

  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I consider end of August the date, but something tells me she may try to get out sooner!

    Suz, you are right, check out my signature...I said it months ago, saw it coming, mothers intuition!
  12. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    Is it appropriate to thumbs up a difficult child classification? lol
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2010
  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Of course now part of me feels bad because h pointed out that easy child is eventually going to use her culinary degree as a teacher and that she works and goes to school while difficult child lost another job!

    However, difficult child's attitude has done a 180 in the past two years as easy child has also done a 180 in the opposite direction, Know what I mean?? So despite h's point, pcs attitude still stinks.

    I just always hate the aftermath.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Kudos for going ahead and doing what you needed to do. I know it was not easy. Hopefully it will at some point push expc to get some help and to see where she contributes to her own unhappiness.
  15. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Jo, don't let husband's comments make you second guess yourself. I have to wonder why he waited until after you talked to her to mention it? It should have been part of your discussion while you were making the decision, not a comment made afterwards to make you feel bad. :(

  16. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks ladies. H tends to bluster and rant to ME about these things but then when I follow through, he makes it seem like I've over reacted. What it boils down to is that he is wishy washy and hates confrontation. Which, let's face, who doesn't hate confrontation?

    I glanced at expc's (thanks Susie, that fits!) computer and saw that she had written a book so I may get an email today.

    I am certain that h will contradict me at points along the way but I am determined to tow the line.
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2010
  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Just saw this now, but wanted to add my hugs and continuing well wishes. Change is never easy for anyone.
  18. Praying for you... It's not an easy path, but it beats the alternative... eventually.
  19. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hugs. This is hard to do but sometimes it really is the only way. Make sure you are not afraid to call the police if you need to. Let us know how it goes.
  20. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Goodness! No need for any police intervention, thank God. No, I am holding things together enough for her to get the message while still keeping things very loving with open communication. She WANTS to move out, we're not throwing her out - just nudging her along a bit, lol!!!