Body Image Blues

Discussion in 'Healthful Living / Natural Treatments' started by tiredmommy, Sep 4, 2008.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I've gained a lot of weight since I met husband. First a little from quitting smoking, then quite a bit after Duckie got sick. I've slowly started taking the weight off but it really doesn't show much lately because my IBS has been really bad and I get an incredible amount of abdominal bloating during an episode.

    Plus, I tend to get dehydrated and my skin is starting show the effects of it: dry, fine lines and wrinkles. I'm beginning to look my age or older for the first time in my adult life.

    Then, I found out I needed glasses a few weeks ago. They're a cute frame, but I don't feel I even look like myself any longer. My mental image of myself and reality doesn't mesh anymore.

    And finally, this...

    One of the problems I'm having with my glasses is that I feel like you couldn't see me behind the frame and my hairstyle. It was rather short, but I had full bangs. So I decided to go shorter, especially around my face, and chose Sharon Stone's pixie cut. I came home after my appointment and husband said "Wow! You look great!". And he really meant it.

    So I head down to the corner to meet Duckie's bus. She sees me as she's coming down the steps and yells at the top of her voice "What the heck did you do to your hair? You look like a man!".

    I know she's a child, but that really struck a nerve.:sad-very:
     
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Yep...I know. I got one of those shockers today myself. I have knee surgery scheduled on the 15th, and the doctor wants some blood work done. On the paper, I'm listed as an "obese patient." Huh? I know I'm overweight, but I didn't think I qualified as "obese." Now I feel like the marshmallow man in Ghostbusters. Grrr.

    Sending hugs. It vacuums to get old.
     
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I completely the understand the mental image and reality not meshing. I am right there with you. It hoovers. Big time. I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself.

    The IBS abdominal bloating is terrible. Even when I was thin, I'd feel like a beached whale when I got that. Not only does it not look all that appealing, it's uncomfortable and makes you feel lousy.

    I've always had long hair. The first time I cut it short, Wynter was 4 or 5 and Devon was 7 or 8. BOTH of my kids cried and begged me not to do it. After, Wynter was sobbing and begging me to 'put it back'. I couldn't believe the reaction. Ducky was reacting to the change. You look different and not how she expects Mommy to look. But, it does hurt your feelings, I know.

    Drink plenty of water. Treat yourself to some luxurious Oil of Olay moisturizing bath soap. I had a coupon and got Soft Soap Ultra Rich Shea Butter this time that is soap free and very moisturizing. And it smells good. Bath and Body Works has some great body cream that smells wonderful. My favorite is Brown Sugar and Fig. Jergens also makes Ultra Healing lotion that works wonders on my very dry hands. My face is oily, but even so you still need moisturizer. I use Neutrogena Oil-Free Moisture. Before I disovered the Jergens Ultra Healing, I used it on my hands and it worked great. (I am a bit Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and wash my hands A LOT so they tend to be very dry all year long.)

    (((hugs)))
     
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Oh TM, I can so empathize with this.

    I know Duckie's reaction hurt your feelings, but Heather's right...she was reacting to the difference, not to how it looked. Now your husband's reaction, THAT's the one to go by. You like your haircut, your husband clearly LOVES it...so the votes are in. It looks great!

    As for the abdominal bloating, I HATE that. Not only are you feeling rotten from it, but it just doesn't look good either.

    I have very weak abdominal muscles from too many surgeries and not enough sit-ups. I can't tell you how many times people ask me if I'm pregnant. I've gotten pretty good at laughing it off, but it still cuts deep inside.

    Sending big {{{HUGS}}} TM.
     
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TM, I am soooo there with you!

    I, too, just got my first pair of glasses. Fortunately, only for reading.

    A couple years ago I had many scenarios where people mistook me for being older.
    Shopping with a friend that is 8 years younger and the kid asked if I was her mother. yuck.
    Lady at the gym thought I was 50. I was 38. double yuck.
    My boyfriend told me he was attracted to the same friend above - because she is young. R U kidding me? (Yes, he realizes that was a mistake now! LOL!)

    I really started to feel bad about myself. Like it seriously affected me. To the point I had anxiety about it. Still do.

    I, too, cut my hair short a couple years ago. That was before all these incidents took place. Everyone LOVED it. I stuck with it for over a year. Then, I decided short hair was an 'older' person's thing and I wanted to go longer since it seemed younger. I have been at it for months. It is shoulder length now.
    My suggestion to you is to take a picture of yourself today. Find a few pictures of you through the years and gather them together. Decide what you want from looking at the pictures and figuring out what style suits you best. Or better yet - do one of those make over software programs that show how you will look with different hair styles.

    I am sure it looks cute! If husband likes it & you like it....keep it short! Duckie will get used to it. It was just a change for her. Don't take anything Duckie does or says personally for the next 15 years! LOL!

    by the way - I turn the big 40 this year. Family is planning a party. I really just want to hide somewhere! Particularly since I feel so old these days. What with the medical issues, too.
     
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TM,

    I would take husband's praise and how you feel about the cut over what the little one says! I agree with the others, she was just reacting to how different her mommy looked.

    As for the glasses, would you want to try contacts? I use both depending on my mood, my outfit, and the amount of time I have to get ready!!!!

    Sharon
     
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    husband said you look great and he really meant it. As for fine lines and wrinkles try to find a good moisturizer, and I guess we can't help that. I'm happy I made it to this age, even though I still feel like I'm 18.
    I understand about the body image though. Mt hair is so thin, you can see my scalp in places. I hate that! I'm sure every person you know has stuff they don't like about themselves. We are women. We come in all shapes and sizes. We are all beautiful.-Alyssa
     
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    TM, please don't let Duckie's comment get you down. I do like the suggestion of going through pictures and deciding what you'd like to look like. A new hairstyle, especially one that frames your face differently, takes a while to get used to. Duckie will grow to love it, I'm sure.

    Wendy, don't let turning 40 get you down! I am rapidly approaching the big 4-0 as well (only a month to go). My family has planned a big party too. And you know what? I'm really excited!

    I HATED turning 39. I felt very anxious, like I had to cram a whole bunch of things into my life this year to ensure that my life would be where I planned it to be by the time I turned 40. Then I realized it's just impossible to do.

    I thought about my Grannie, my stunningly beautiful Grannie, who did her hair, put on makeup and got dressed in a fabulous dress every day, even when she was dying of cancer and could barely get out of bed. She aged gracefully, never dyed her hair, wore every wrinkle, every extra pound with pride.

    She said that she earned them from bearing 8 children, having friends, smiling, enjoying good food and good company, enjoying life.

    I try to look at creeping signs of age that way. They're badges of honour, earned through the very hard work of being a good mother and a good woman, every day.

    I think we as women need to embrace our changes. We fought hard for them, and we earned them.

    TM, I think you look Great!
    Wendy, I think you look great too!

    As Alyssa said, We are women, we come in all shapes and sizes, we are beautiful
     
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ok ladies, who is throwing me a party for the big 5 0?????????? December after next, just in case you need to make a note or something........


    Sharon
     
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Sharon - we will for sure have to have a gathering for your 50 birthday! I am a December baby, too (the 14th).

    I know that aging should not bother us, but it is still hard to go through changes. We can not discount that part of it. I suppose it is just like any other change in our life in that it will take time to get used to it. I am surely not at the 'embracing' it stage yet - LOL!


    So, TM - I hope you enjoy your new hair style. I bet Duckie forgets what it even looked like long in a couple weeks.
     
  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thank you all for the support... it's good to know that I'm not alone in this. I think the biggest change for me has been caused by the stress since Duckie got sick almost three years ago. Stress, of course, makes my IBS symptoms worse which in turn leads to more bloating and dehydration.

    Now that I think about, we were looking at family videos from Duckie's first year. husband had medium brown hair with a little grey at the temples. Now he's just about completely grey at age 42. His father's hair is darker.
     
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