both difficult child's going to the outlaws

[amazeofgrace]

for a family birthday party, of course I am not invited even though I babysat and loved my neice and nephew since birth, I am now the enemy

I am really worried because difficult child II has been so manic and a party is sure to over stimulate him. At least if S2BX was there he'd semi know how to deal with him. My mother in law is clueless. I am putting my faith in my sister in law, but I am still worried, sigh..............

 

[totoro]

I am sorry, even though I am in good standings with the in-laws, when they have the kids I am left to help K come back down. She always comes back such a mess.
Do you ever give them any PRN's? Can you give him something before hand to help keep him calm? Or for when he gets back?
I hope it goes OK, it is like sitting on the edge of your seat the whole time, just waiting to see what you are getting back!

 

[gcvmom]

Well, I feel like they sorta deserve whatever behaviors they get if they're so dead-set against you being there! I mean, it's not fair if you have the aftermath to clean up when difficult child gets home, but hopefully it will be an eye-opener for them and maybe they will appreciate what you deal with a little more.

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry you are excluded from the party. Please try to take the time to do something for YOU. there will be time to take care of GFGII when the kids are home. and you will need to be refreshed.

a call in the middle of the night to have them come help as they created the problems MIGHT be an option.

We had a problem with my aunt insisting Wizard needed a certain character workbook for his birthday. I said fine, IF you will come over in the middle of the night when he starts screaming they are coming to kill him. (Wiz was 5). She didn't believe me until she called my mom. No workbook but I dang sure would have called.

Sending hugs,

Susie

 

[amazeofgrace]

well both difficult child's did ok, but difficult child II was overexcited b4 I took them there, and he went to war with difficult child I. I tried to mediate and somehow both difficult child's were calling me a "B". difficult child I's mouth went over the line as usual, it stung when he said "that's why you're not invited, they all can't stand you because you're a B" he sounded just like S2BX, word for word, S2BX has said the same thing to me about his family. Then he added "and Dad can't stand you either" Sadly I lost it, I am mad I cried in front of difficult child's on the way there, all while telling difficult child I he should ask the outlaws who he could live with because his bags would be packed and on the front lawn when he got home. When he got out of the car he uttered he was sorry, but it was too late my day was ruined. I droped them off at the curb and drove away. I was a mess.

 

[witzend]

Going through this type of thing with my family, I'm interested in why you let them go. I'm probably not the best judge of how to deal with family tumult right now. I am on a zero tolerance policy, and my kids are adults.

In hindsight, I wouldn't have let my kids be with those people. I mean, we teach our kids to "respect adults" (that never seems to include us) and admire grandma and grandpa, so on and so forth. Then those adults turn around and tell them what pieces of junk we are. It seems like a battle, and there's only one of us. They gang up on you and our difficult child's seem gleeful to join the opposing side. At least mine do. And now that they're adults, they seem to feel that they are all grown up and joining the rest of the adults in their poor opinion of me. They prop each other up.

I don't know your family, or your history. If it is like my situation, in hindsight I should have stood up for myself way earlier and never let my kids think it was ok to join what amounts to a gang of bullies with me as the fall guy for all of their problems.

 

[klmno]

I agree with Witz on this- this situation is causing turmoil for your home and cannot be in the best interest of the kids- along with you. I used to walk this fine line with my family, only to find out that I was being led to my bro's. motives and difficult child being used in the process. difficult child had to go thru months of being yelled at by my bro about how horrible I was and how difficult child's life was going to drastically change before difficult child had the guts to stand up to my bro and then it changed. The sad thing is, it was me that spent years walking on egg-shells trying to make everyone happy instead of talking to difficult child about the reality of it and dealing with it before it got to this point. When things don't add up, our efforts to bite our tongue won't help the situation. I suggest making some subtle changes now- start tapering things off, talk to the kids, ease it to them that your all's lives are much more peaceful without these people being involved.

Good luck- I'm sorry you have to deal with it. Just rememeber- it does sound like a situation that won't improve with you biting your tongue and being "compliant".