both good news, bad news, and jacket faries

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LOVESDOLPHINS, Jan 9, 2008.



    well as of dec 9 we moved from one house to another and also moved in my brother in law who has lupus. we wanted to help him out of the living situatition he was in. so far he has been a good addition to our household. and the kids loves him. the good news, with my bro in law now in the home with us now me and husband can finially get some time alone together, without having to talk over screaming or crying kids. the bad news the last 5 days has been a very rocky roller coaster. My 9 y/o difficult child has been all over the emotional board. he has been very irritiable, cranky, and rude. he has returned to stealing and lying. he will steal food from the pantry and hid the wrappers in the couch and then admitally denie that he stole anything. last night he stole a key ring from the tool store, but i didn't find the ring till this am when i sherched his jacket. but he claims he didn't steal it. i asked him if he paid for it and he said no. then i asked if he just took it and he said no. then i asked how it ended up in his jacket and his response? THE JACKET FARIES PUT IN IN HIS POCKET. ???!!!!!
    so as soon as he gets home from school we will be returning to the tool store and speaking with the manager to see if they will be pressing charges. i have very mixed feeling about this. this is not the 1st time he has stolen something. a few years ago he took 40 dollars out of his grandpas wallet and spent most of it at school. why the school didn't wonder why he had so much cash is beyond me. are they even paying attention? after that incident he moved on to stealing things from the gas station and now the tool store. every time it happens we always end up back at the store talking with the manager. but the manager always has the idea that oh well he's just a kid and we walk out of the store with stern talking to and nothing more. why don't they call the cops on him? i tell them to but no cuz he's just an kid....? he needs to learn a lesson about this stuff and that it's not ok to do it. can i call the cops on him to scare him out of doing it again? so anyway after 4 hours of fighting and a restaint hold he finally told the truth and admitted that he stole it. does any one else have to use a restraint hold on their kids so they won't hurt themselves. is any of this acting out due to starting purbtey? i am so confused. so any way i finally called the doctor and we talked about all his symptoms and she said it sounded like he would be a good candidate for hospitalization. but said it was up to us. she also said it sounded like he might be BiPolar (BP) and made a appointment for us and also incresed his seroquel. he will get his new dose tonight. we will see if it helps. we are still trying to decide if we want to hospitalize him or not. anyway thanks for letting me vent and if anyone has any advice please feel free to tell me.
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I don't have a lot of time to post because my K is not doing well this am...
    But yes we have to "hold" her...
    we were taught a proper technique by a professional and I would suggest this for anyone who has to restrain any child. It is very physically demanding for both of you and there is a proper way to do it that will ensure no harm is done to either child or parent. Also it ensures that you are not engaging your child, and making the situation worse or restraining when it is not necessary.

    My K has Fairies... while they don't take things... they talk to her. These might be his name for dealing with this issue...
    I would think there is a lot going on here.... the move etc. He is maybe acting out. This could be his way of asking for help... releasing his frustration???? I would take him in or call his psychiatrist if you have one, get him re-evaled ... talk to someone.
    Sorry he is struggling.

    Maybe his medications need evaluation??? If he has seizures I would especially want to ask about the holds....
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sorry you're having a rough time. What medications/doses is your difficult child taking?


    hi smallworld, its ok just trying to take it one day at a time. my difficult child is taking 0.2 mg clolidine, 400 mg seroqueal, 20 mg addeall xr, and 20 mg addreall salt combo


    hello totoro, thank you for the advice and yes we also went to see someone about how to properly hold our kids when they become self harming. in regards to the seziures he hasn't had one since he was 3 and when we talked to the hold doctor we asked about that. his neruo seems to think he has grown out of them. we have an appointment on the 16th to see about re-evaluation for medications and therapy. i also think he is acting out but unsure weather it is due to moving, added schoolwork, a new person in the home, or that a lot of attention is being paid to his youngest brother because he just got diagnosis with seziures and has been having a lot of them at school. or maybe even that he is starting pubety. but anyway thanks again.


  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    My difficult child steals when he's starting to become unstable. It has become a tell-tell sign for him. I wouldn't have considered him a difficult child before almost 11 yo, when hormones started kicking a little (not compeltely) but other things hit his shoulders about this time and seemed to trigger everything. From what I've heard, puberty can make difficult child behavior worse or can trigger (bring out) difficult child problems when they weren't there before.

    One thing I will mention, taking things from a store, someone's wallet, etc., I consider stealing. I might have misunderstood what you were saying, but a boy entering the stage of fast growing spurts will take food from the home cabinets at any time day or night and wrappers might be found anywhere. As annoying as this is and even though we mothers know they took something we had planned to have around a few days and maybe even told them not to eat this, Personally, I don't consider this the same as stealing. In either case, sounds like something is bugging or not sitting right with your difficult child. Does he normally react to changes badly? This can happen to mine- even if they are changes for the better.
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    With the food - if it is hunger-driven, what we did might work for you. I would cook healthy snacks and make other food available for him to 'raid' from the fridge or cupboard. I had a certain place where food could be raised - the only rules were, put wrappers in the bin, and tell me (or put it on the shopping list) when you take the second-last one. Because if it's not on the list, I don't know to buy more, do I?

    I would cook sausages, rissoles, chicken - and lay in stores of carrots, tomatoes, other fruit & vegetables that the kids likes to eat raw. They could help themselves whenever they were hungry, unless I specified I wanted it left because I was planning on cooking something with it.

    But if a kid came home from school and got stuck into the fridge and ate a lot of chicken, carrots and tomatoes and as a result had no appetite for dinner - it's not a problem, because the kid had already eaten a healthy meal, while snacking.

    I remember sneaking food when I was a kid - I loved raw carrots (hated them cooked, but my mother always insisted I eat cooked carrots with everyone else at dinner time) and I would also sneak packets of sultanas or dried fruit. Really, it was very healthy, but for some reason I wasn't permitted to eat those things. I still don't know why.

    By giving the kids free access to healthy food when THEY were hungry, I had fewer dinner table fights and they seemed to find their own routine which worked for them. A really hungry kid can be very unreasonable.

    For this to work, I had to eliminate unhealthy food from the house. Given a choice between a bag of carrots and a bag of choc biscuits, the kids would fill up on choc biscuits. But if they had a craving for chocolate, they could make themselves a chocolate milkshake or choc banana smoothie.

    Removing the opportunity to steal as well as the need to steal is a help. I know that sounds simplistic, but if you can work out why he's doing this, and under what circumstances - it can help.

  9. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I love it when you're trying to do the right thing and it gets undermined.

    difficult child 3 was 4 and stole a lollipop at the dollar store. To make the point that what she did was wrong, I walked her right back into the store and made her tell the clerk that she took it without paying for it. I know it sounds mean to make a 4 year old do this, but I don't want her to think that she's entitled to things without asking.

    The store clerk told her she's a beautiful little girl and she could go ahead and keep it. When I insisted that she pay for it, the woman behind me ALSO told her how beautiful she was and wanted to pay for it so it wouldn't come out of her "allowance".


    Keeping you in my thoughts,



    hi kimno 1st thank you and no i didn't consider taking food from home stealing but when he does it from the store i most defintly difficult child is really acting out lately and cuz he is my oldest we haven't done the puburtey thing yet so i have no idea what to expect. yes he always reacts badly to change even if it is for the better. but i do have to keep in mind that in the past month we have had a ton of changes in the home and i am sure he is reacting to at least some if not all of that. anyway thank you


    hi marguerite thank you i will consider trying this cuz he is not the only one in the house who takes food all the difficult child do it. so this might work. again thank you