Both my girls were home for dinner

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Sep 20, 2012.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child called and said she was coming over with the mail-in ballot to vote so husband could help her. I offered that she could bring some laundry to do since she has no laundry facilities in her apartment. easy child was also coming over to help us move some things because we are getting new carpeting. So for the first time in years we actually got to set the table for four, just like it use to be. We had an enjoyable dinner and I couldn't help but wish these times would be more frequent.

    Turns out in typical difficult child style, she never mailed in her change of address to the elections board even though I mailed it to her and told her where to sign and gave her a stamped envelope, so she didn't get the ballot, just a change of address form. But we have a nice visit. She has a second interview today at a new sports bar/restaurant opening up so cross your fingers for her. It would be five days a week and hopefully she can make enough in tips to pay her living expenses. She told us at dinner her goal after she gets a good full time job is to go to vet tech school. That's always een her dream and she has had numerous opportunitie from us to do so but she is a difficult child. husband and I looked at each other knowing this is probably yet another pipe dream but I'm glad she is at least thinking about the future and has some goals.

    difficult child is coming over after her interview to pick up her cleaned and folded laundry. I do it for easy child often who only lives 4 miles away so I thought I could do it for difficult child too. At least I know she has clean clothes for a while now.

  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I am so happy for you. I have learned - thanks to you all - to treasure those moments. And I know that it is oh so poignant and heart warming to get a glimpse of your beloved little girl inside of the difficult child.

    As you know, my difficult child has been home for a week and has been on his best behavior. He leaves to go back to his apartment tomorrow. Hearing him laugh with my easy child, trade football "war stories" and Geometry tricks, empty the dishwasher unbidden, carry the groceries in and unpack them and most of all: watching him rise up to be the role model/hero/big brother to his little brother has warmed my soul.(They've share a special bond forever and PC15 really looked up to him for a long time. difficult child always took the responsibility of being a good role model very seriously until he didn't any more) I know it won't last- actually saw him bristle a little last night. I feel the dread at the edges of the joy, knowing that the side I am seeing of difficult child isn't the side he shows the world and isn't how he sees himself. And I feel like a hypocrite.

    But my H has taught me to enjoy it in the here and now. Take the happiness in the moment. Like your daughter, my ds was home and HIMSELF and I got to be his mother again and it was lovely for now.

    And once again - for all of our difficult children - I think that it's a really good sign that they show this side to us. To me - in the little corner of my heart it means that all is not lost. Even if it just means that they care enough to fake it and care enough not to let the bond break completely. They are gone, but they are looking back.

    Love you Nancy, so glad you had moments of mother daughter joy with your difficult child.
  3. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    That's great Nancy. It's nice to be able to do a little something, even for our grown children, that says, "I love you." Clean laundry and a home cooked meal is something they can truly appreciate, because they don't get that too often.

    I wasn't a difficult child, but I did get married very young. husband and I were so rent-poor, the cost of living in NYC was/is so high, and even though we were both working, we had barely enough money for food or extras. Fortunately, mother in law had us over once a week, and my mom had us over on Sundays, so I only needed to plan 5 dinners. We also brought our laundry to mom's on Sun., and that saved us some money too. It was an absolute godsend, because we used to raid the change jar just to get on the subway. So I know it means a lot when kids are struggling, difficult child or not, and they sure do appreciate it.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks Sig and CJ. She got the job!!!! Starts around Oct. 15, full time. The renovations aren't finished yet so it depends on that. It's an upscale sports bar that brings in entertainment, one of the entertainers is Pat Dailey who husband and I use to go hear when we were dating. He's a true entertainer, grew up in this area and plays in Florida and a lot of the resort areas. The owners already have a sports bar in another part of town and they said it is going great, they are always packed. So hopefully she can make some good tips.

    Keeping my fingers crossed that she keeps this job and does well at it.

  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Nancy... she's 21, right? I'd say there is a lot of hope for your difficult child yet. She's doing positive stuff, with bumps. Kinda like my difficult child bro only better (he didn't get to this stage until about 23)... You need about... (doing mental math) 4 more years of patience.
  6. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Awww, Nancy, I'll bet you enjoyed having the girls over and no drama and just a nice enjoyable family dinner. Yay for the new job! Fingers crossed it all goes well. As for talk of vet school, at least she's still looking towards a future and giving it some thought. Yes, with all our difficult child's, we take what they say with a grain of salt, but dreams and goals are a good thing, so all we can do is hope.

    Sending hugs,
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You're a good mom Nancy, you do all the 'right' things. I hope your difficult child finds herself soon. (((HUGS))))
  8. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Nancy...that is wonderful news!! You are such a devoted mom. Praying things continue to improve.
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I cherish the times when the kids are around the table together. Family meals are a biggie for me. Funny about the laundry...I use laundry chores as a stress reliever. It doesn't take any thought after so many years but you get a reward when they are folded and ready for distribution, lol. Glad to hear about the new job too. She's taking baby steps! DDD
  10. Twin

    Twin New Member

    Doesn't it always seem that the world is right when everyone is home for dinner and getting along? That is one of my pure pleasures! Enjoy, Nancy! Let's hope this new success with the job starts on a turning point.

  11. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Great news Nancy, especially about the job!!!

    And don't those pockets of "normal" feel so good? When difficult child wasn't living here, I absolutely treasured the nights she'd come over and we'd sit at the table and share a meal and talk. Even now with all the crazies, I still get to enjoy that sometimes.

    I seem to recall another thread awhile back where we all bonded over doing our difficult child's laundry. I don't get to do it very often (since I'm making her work around here), but I love to do her sheets and towels. It makes me feel like I'm tucking her in.

  12. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    I'm so happy that your difficult child got the job! And also that you were able to have one of those special dinners with both your daughters. There is still hope for your difficult child! I'm praying that this is the start of good news for you and your difficult child. HUGS..
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    That is great news Nancy! So happy for you both! I long to have my kids together again but just don't see that happening any time soon...
  14. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Great news!! Very happy for your difficult child new job and that dinner was nice with all four of you together.
  15. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great news, Nancy. You know that I always have high hopes for your daughter. As our Fran used to say, she still has a lot of cooking to do.