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Both sons in prison/baby mama arrested
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659799" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>tish, as an ex foster parent of damaged kids, I think you need to take care of yourself and let somebody younger, who is up to parenting a challenging child raise him. He could have fetal alcohol in his brain...or drugs could have affected him. He sounds worse than just autistic, although lower functioning autism can cause this kind of chaos. He is unlikely to ever be easy. Can you take care of him if he needs it beyond age eighteen? I am around your age. I could not do it now, let alone at seventy. Your husband is dreaming as love will not fix possible attachment problems, any fetal alcohol damage, drug abuse damage in utero or autism, severe. I thought love could fix all too and then I got burned. As you may or may not have heard my horrible story about the child we took in at age 11, he molested my two youngest, killed our dogs, and, if our family had not been so strong, he would have destroyed us. I was still young when that happened (well, 40's...I think of that as young...lol). He had been exposed to drugs in utero, neglected/abused as an infant, and was finally diagnosed with extreme Reactive Attachment Disorder. The state said they'd never seen such a severe case and prosecuted him as a child molester a nd he was found guilty. All I k now about him now, as we never wanted to see him again after we found out, is that he was with a woman and had two baby girls.Then I checked his court records, alarmed, and saw, to my relief, mom ran off with the girls. That's all he needs. Two sitting ducks.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Tish, you do what you have to do to save your sanity and health. This is a child that a medical foster home or adoptive home would best handle. They are used to and ask for difficult children. I did not always agree with their methods, but they could cope. Sonic was adopted by us from a medical foster home that had been WONDERFUL. They helped make sure he did not have attachment disorder. He had services from infancy on. I'm guessing your grandson did not, which only makes it harder.</p><p></p><p>Nobody here can tell you w hat to do. I personally (my own lone opnion) is that you can not parent your grandchild well if it makes you sick and may jeopardize your mental health. If he stays with you for a year that is one year more that this child has a new home and then has to move on to another one, and it gets harder for them, even if they don't have so many challenges.</p><p></p><p>This is on your son's shoulders, not yours and if you were younger...but you aren't.</p><p></p><p>Don't do anything rash. Sit back and think. I got this advice from the board and I like it. Then, if you decide you can't do it, sit your husband down and be firm with him. "If you want to do it, then you retire and take full care of him because I would like to...I love him dearly...but I can't do it. If you can't do that, then WE can't do it. I want what's best for him and that is NOT me. Not at this time in my life." Don't apologize. You didn't cause this and I'm 61 and in very good health and that type of drama would be the end of me.If your husband discards your words, he doesn't love you or deserve you enough.</p><p></p><p>You can ask for visitation. You can't save your grandson. That is for the younger people to do. We can't stick around forever and this little guy will need healthy peeps way after we are not here anymore. People who are maybe now in t their 30's or early 40s.</p><p></p><p>While you are making up your mind, take advantage of respite and give this child into your husband's care as often as you can so he can see what it's like.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and wishing you love and luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 659799, member: 1550"] tish, as an ex foster parent of damaged kids, I think you need to take care of yourself and let somebody younger, who is up to parenting a challenging child raise him. He could have fetal alcohol in his brain...or drugs could have affected him. He sounds worse than just autistic, although lower functioning autism can cause this kind of chaos. He is unlikely to ever be easy. Can you take care of him if he needs it beyond age eighteen? I am around your age. I could not do it now, let alone at seventy. Your husband is dreaming as love will not fix possible attachment problems, any fetal alcohol damage, drug abuse damage in utero or autism, severe. I thought love could fix all too and then I got burned. As you may or may not have heard my horrible story about the child we took in at age 11, he molested my two youngest, killed our dogs, and, if our family had not been so strong, he would have destroyed us. I was still young when that happened (well, 40's...I think of that as young...lol). He had been exposed to drugs in utero, neglected/abused as an infant, and was finally diagnosed with extreme Reactive Attachment Disorder. The state said they'd never seen such a severe case and prosecuted him as a child molester a nd he was found guilty. All I k now about him now, as we never wanted to see him again after we found out, is that he was with a woman and had two baby girls.Then I checked his court records, alarmed, and saw, to my relief, mom ran off with the girls. That's all he needs. Two sitting ducks. Tish, you do what you have to do to save your sanity and health. This is a child that a medical foster home or adoptive home would best handle. They are used to and ask for difficult children. I did not always agree with their methods, but they could cope. Sonic was adopted by us from a medical foster home that had been WONDERFUL. They helped make sure he did not have attachment disorder. He had services from infancy on. I'm guessing your grandson did not, which only makes it harder. Nobody here can tell you w hat to do. I personally (my own lone opnion) is that you can not parent your grandchild well if it makes you sick and may jeopardize your mental health. If he stays with you for a year that is one year more that this child has a new home and then has to move on to another one, and it gets harder for them, even if they don't have so many challenges. This is on your son's shoulders, not yours and if you were younger...but you aren't. Don't do anything rash. Sit back and think. I got this advice from the board and I like it. Then, if you decide you can't do it, sit your husband down and be firm with him. "If you want to do it, then you retire and take full care of him because I would like to...I love him dearly...but I can't do it. If you can't do that, then WE can't do it. I want what's best for him and that is NOT me. Not at this time in my life." Don't apologize. You didn't cause this and I'm 61 and in very good health and that type of drama would be the end of me.If your husband discards your words, he doesn't love you or deserve you enough. You can ask for visitation. You can't save your grandson. That is for the younger people to do. We can't stick around forever and this little guy will need healthy peeps way after we are not here anymore. People who are maybe now in t their 30's or early 40s. While you are making up your mind, take advantage of respite and give this child into your husband's care as often as you can so he can see what it's like. Hugs and wishing you love and luck. [/QUOTE]
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