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Both sons in prison/baby mama arrested
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 659824" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>How hard Tish. It must feel like having to choose between an arm or a foot. Your heart or your soul.</p><p>It would be for all of us.</p><p>Everybody has their breaking point, Tish. He could not say it, but your husband must have been there. </p><p>Tish, you can only decide for yourself and speak for yourself. Sooner rather than later, I think. Your husband can decide for himself. He cannot decide for you. You know where you stand. The talking needs to happen. </p><p></p><p>You know you will not sacrifice yourself. But you do not need to go anywhere near there. Nowhere near there. You are clear. Your limits are clear. Your needs are clear. You know what you can and cannot do.</p><p></p><p>I echo what Cedar said. He needs his grandparents to be who they are. Not worn out custodians or caretakers.</p><p></p><p>Finally, think about this, Tish. The best case is that your son gets it together. This time. But by taking over with parenting obligations, you may set a precedent. Future slip ups may not seem so serious if he knows that Mom and Dad will step in and step up to handle it. Your grandson will be older...and the disruption to his life will be greater. He will know more. And suffer more. You will too.</p><p></p><p>If your grandson goes to a medically trained foster home, not only would he likely be better off. More comfortable. Calmer. Safer. There would be other kids, most likely. And he would have you and your husband to visit, like before. You would be there for him.</p><p></p><p>As important, your son would get the picture. Just what the stakes are. That there is no room for screwing up. And if he does, what the consequences are. The direction of his child's life is at stake. With or without him. </p><p></p><p>Tish, I was one of those people who adopted a special needs child. He was my dream come true. However hard it was, it was worth it a million times over. But I was almost 20 years younger than you are now. And my son was not autistic.</p><p></p><p>And I had not gone through what I have gone through in the past 10 years with my son as you have with two. I am not the same woman. Not one bit. These things change us.</p><p></p><p>All of us are with you, Tish. I am so glad you are here with us.</p><p></p><p>PS</p><p></p><p>On a practical note. There are bed pads you can buy. They are quilted on the top with a rubber type lining on the bottom. You can get them big enough to fit across the width of the bed. Look on Walmart.com, they sell a good one. They are blue on one side, white on the other. My Mother was incontinent at the end. With the pads you didn't have to change the bed so frequently.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 659824, member: 18958"] How hard Tish. It must feel like having to choose between an arm or a foot. Your heart or your soul. It would be for all of us. Everybody has their breaking point, Tish. He could not say it, but your husband must have been there. Tish, you can only decide for yourself and speak for yourself. Sooner rather than later, I think. Your husband can decide for himself. He cannot decide for you. You know where you stand. The talking needs to happen. You know you will not sacrifice yourself. But you do not need to go anywhere near there. Nowhere near there. You are clear. Your limits are clear. Your needs are clear. You know what you can and cannot do. I echo what Cedar said. He needs his grandparents to be who they are. Not worn out custodians or caretakers. Finally, think about this, Tish. The best case is that your son gets it together. This time. But by taking over with parenting obligations, you may set a precedent. Future slip ups may not seem so serious if he knows that Mom and Dad will step in and step up to handle it. Your grandson will be older...and the disruption to his life will be greater. He will know more. And suffer more. You will too. If your grandson goes to a medically trained foster home, not only would he likely be better off. More comfortable. Calmer. Safer. There would be other kids, most likely. And he would have you and your husband to visit, like before. You would be there for him. As important, your son would get the picture. Just what the stakes are. That there is no room for screwing up. And if he does, what the consequences are. The direction of his child's life is at stake. With or without him. Tish, I was one of those people who adopted a special needs child. He was my dream come true. However hard it was, it was worth it a million times over. But I was almost 20 years younger than you are now. And my son was not autistic. And I had not gone through what I have gone through in the past 10 years with my son as you have with two. I am not the same woman. Not one bit. These things change us. All of us are with you, Tish. I am so glad you are here with us. PS On a practical note. There are bed pads you can buy. They are quilted on the top with a rubber type lining on the bottom. You can get them big enough to fit across the width of the bed. Look on Walmart.com, they sell a good one. They are blue on one side, white on the other. My Mother was incontinent at the end. With the pads you didn't have to change the bed so frequently. [/QUOTE]
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Both sons in prison/baby mama arrested
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