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Family of Origin
Boundaries...Please read Copa and Cedar...please answer. Thanks.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 667167" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Toughlovin', I had talked to her about him for three years at least and it took up 70% of our conversations. I tried to fix her at first and tried to get her to like herself enough to leave him, as he was clearly mistreating her, but she didn't and it became clear as time went on that she won't, even if s he meets somebody willing to treat her well. She is sort of addicted to him. I was scared for him and frankly fed up with being her constant voice.</p><p></p><p>When I had such a hard time with my mother I wanted my sister to intervene to soften my mother's heart, but she wouldn't even talk about her for one day, let alone three years.</p><p></p><p>I, however, did truly set the boyfriend boundary for me. There was no way she would compromise. Her solution to everything is to cut one off from everything...texting, e-mails, letters, conversation. So you can't talk about compromise or get things on the table. She will run. </p><p></p><p>I felt shut down not being able to talk about my mother's abuse of me to either of my siblings. They did not want to hear my pain because they didn't get scapegoated like I did.</p><p></p><p>As I type this response I see more and more that it was an impossible situation, destined to end badly. My sister knows my mother was an inadequate mother to us.We had spoken about that many times. Yet she is now saying she did not abuse me...it is just ingrained old family stuff that doesn't make a lot of sense. </p><p></p><p>From now on, I guess, I will continue to set boundaries for me and not for the other person and if th e other person can't handle the boundary, they can do what they must.And if somebody sets a boundary for me, I will do the same.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for answering.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 667167, member: 1550"] Toughlovin', I had talked to her about him for three years at least and it took up 70% of our conversations. I tried to fix her at first and tried to get her to like herself enough to leave him, as he was clearly mistreating her, but she didn't and it became clear as time went on that she won't, even if s he meets somebody willing to treat her well. She is sort of addicted to him. I was scared for him and frankly fed up with being her constant voice. When I had such a hard time with my mother I wanted my sister to intervene to soften my mother's heart, but she wouldn't even talk about her for one day, let alone three years. I, however, did truly set the boyfriend boundary for me. There was no way she would compromise. Her solution to everything is to cut one off from everything...texting, e-mails, letters, conversation. So you can't talk about compromise or get things on the table. She will run. I felt shut down not being able to talk about my mother's abuse of me to either of my siblings. They did not want to hear my pain because they didn't get scapegoated like I did. As I type this response I see more and more that it was an impossible situation, destined to end badly. My sister knows my mother was an inadequate mother to us.We had spoken about that many times. Yet she is now saying she did not abuse me...it is just ingrained old family stuff that doesn't make a lot of sense. From now on, I guess, I will continue to set boundaries for me and not for the other person and if th e other person can't handle the boundary, they can do what they must.And if somebody sets a boundary for me, I will do the same. Thank you for answering. [/QUOTE]
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