Boundaries

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by compassion, Feb 17, 2009.

  1. compassion

    compassion Member

    Per usual, this is a huge issue. We had family session. She still is insisting that we take her home for a pass very soon (totally feel unsafe, this is totally unrealistic and totally won't happpen.} She also insisting she will be out for good by April 16. Ditto to the above. She also insists that despite of what the rulebook says and the front desk persons, outside food is fine. Part grandiose, part rules do not apply to her.
    Compassion
     
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. :(

    Unless she has an allergy, you can't bring in food. But she's always got to try.

    Stay strong.
     
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Theya re typical pleas/demands. Just change the subject if you can. And know that if you were unloving she would be allowed to roam the streets as she liked.

    Just remember, and remind staff as necessary, that passes home are not something you feel is safe or realistic. From experience, as soon as 1-3 passes home go well they will be trying to send her home. This was one of our problems.

    Remember to be gentle with yourselves right now and to take the time to recharge and heal.
     
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Stay strong. You know what it was like trying to keep her safe before. She has a lot of growing to do before she is stable enough to come back into her old environment--the temptation is too strong...the old stressors are still there. She is in the best place possible for recovery and growth.
     
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    RTCs push home visits ~ almost immediately. The reality is that RTCs end result should be difficult children stability/acceptable behaviors & then home to do the same.

    Home visits give a difficult child "practice" time to learn the new skills learned in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Does it always work? Nope. My difficult child wm was home for a few months before he hit Residential Treatment Center (RTC) again. Home visits couldn't compete with the activites at Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    I always kept in mind the number of kids that had to be kept in line & the carrots that were constantly dangled for behavior changes.

    If April 9th is the anticipated discharge date it's time to start fighting for futher treatment (if you deem it is necessary) plus start some step down visits. At first an hour or 2 at a time. Then an overnight visit. Keep home time normal as you would have it any other day. difficult child needs to know you aren't an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) & don't have the staffing nor the funding to do the non stop entertainment.

    difficult child should have the same rules/chores in place when he comes home to visit. Life in general, at home doesn't change because difficult child has issues. However, you can make some accomodations for difficult children known issues. AND in the long run difficult child needs to function in the "outside" world not in Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    Good luck.
     
  6. compassion

    compassion Member

    She has been there two weeks and the way their program is set up is that passes do not occur for another 6 weeks. The problem is she does not display the violent behavior in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) she does at home.Infact, it is and almost always is just with me. She is higher fucntioning than many there, but that does not mean that she does not have the need to be there.
    All along, it has been 6 months. Two weeks,ago with tratment team and the projected release date it was August.
    difficult child is rallying big time. In her persistence, in her charm, she has most everyone convinved she can and WILL be out April 16.
    Yes, the hard part is us, espeicaly me is once again the "meanie". I am so exhausted from keeping her off the streets and the criminal justice system, I want her to have some time to get stable.
    The BiPolar (BP) books I have read state that 6-9 months is the time it takes to leave the actue stage.
    I will let you know how team meeting goes this afternoon. I will be asking for help in enforcing pass and rules concerning outside food and passes/getting out. Her demands are not realsitc nor safe. I want confirmation that I am being backed up so she wil not be releaased too soon.
    Yes, of course the goal is life outside of Residential Treatment Center (RTC). However, it reflects the issues. Her rusfual to follow rules reflects her CD and is very dangerous. Also, her inablity to connect actions with consequences makes it possible that she will not be outside of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for a very long time.
    Compassion
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sigh. I hear your frustration. And see your fear. "Persistance" and "Charm" are tools that our difficult children use well.
    Yes, do let us know how the mtng goes.
     
  8. compassion

    compassion Member

    It was very instiutional beaucratic typw meeting:20 minutes. They baxcially said how grqt she is doing/adjusting except for her low self esttem . The psychiatrist reiiterated that difficult child's wish is to be out be April16. The program director kind of gasped and goes, you mean for a pass, and she goes difficult child wants to be out by April 16. I am vigurously shaing my head. I go I think this is unsafe an dunrealistic. Just yesterday when she was alone with me she goes I will kill myself or run away if I am here past April 16. and she attempted to rip up the rule brochure when I pointed out she was trying to ignore the rules.
    They wre going to transport her to her denist. She is still an scape risk and also still very unstable.
    I filled out forms for the shcool district:she has always been homeschooled: will have IEP in a few weeks or perhaps sooner. Trying to accpt it as it is and be gratful she is safe, taking medications, I am hugely reilived aon many levels.
    Compassion
     
  9. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I wouldn't worry about April 16th so much. They know what the deal is. They know that she is in her honeymoon period and is not going to be ready to be released that early. They are used to the manipulation. Try not to worry about that too much. I am glad that you are feeling relieved that she is safe. She is. I hope you are able to enjoy the peace and the rest of your family.

    You are in my thoughts! :)
     
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