Boy are his wheels spinning

[susiestar]

No wonder bro was so frantic about us returning the car. He has had the nerve to change the locks on my parents' home!!!

He sent a letter to husband that says that we are no longer being tolerated in their home.

Gee, wonder what my father will say to THAT?

I am willing to bet that the locks get changed back tonight - and were only changed to make us feel unwanted.

I am truly astounded by this. Really shocked. I find it to be so presumptuous, as is his letter that says that since my parents are in their 60s that he is now setting the standards for them.

I had NO IDEA that at 60 you were unable to manage your life. NONE.

He will say we didn't return the key. It was put through the mail slot. He can do what he wants, say what he wants. He is totally with-o respect for their boundaries. Totally.

 

[AnnieO]

Wow, I wonder what MY 62-y/o Mom would say about that. I think maybe she's more with it than I am.

Hugs, Susie. I bet you're right about your Dad, too.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Wow, he just takes the cake doesn't he?? I would simply bow out of all contact with him, explain to your parents when they return that you have zero clue what makes his clock tick, nor do you care any longer to try to decode him, therefore you are no longer contacting him nor discussing him, and request that they keep their relationship with him completely seperate from you. I think its time.

And if any of MY kids try to act like at 60 I can't function in my own world? They better hope they can run!

(hugs)

 

[mstang67chic]

I want to be a fly on the wall when your Dad gets home and finds that he's not capable of handling his own life.

Wow. One thing is for sure, the man has some cahones.

Mattsmom said it best. Keep things separate and just back off.

 

[trinityroyal]

Susie, it seems like your gfgbro is escalating matters. Seems to me that he senses your strength of will to break free of him, and he's trying more and more outrageous attempts to get you to cave in.

Stay strong, my friend. You don't need this kind of chaos in your life. We're standing beside you, giving you our strength too.

I'm sorry that this continues.

 

[Shari]

Holy cow, my mom is almost 70 and I'll bet my bottom dollar that she'd put up one heck of a fight about having someone else manage her life.

I can also tell you she's more than capable of doing it herself. Being that your folks are raising an 18 year old AND are in Europe, I'm betting they are, too.

 

[Star*]

I don't care what he said -
My brother is a poopy head.
(fingers in ears) laalalal hahahaha lalalalalalah

 

[klmno]

I still think your parents (or at least your mother) contributed to your bro becoming the way he is. Now it's time for them to figure out how to deal with his sense of entitlement and controlling nature. We'll see how different it might be when it's them he;'s doing this to and not just you and your family.

 

[GoingNorth]

My mom is considerably older. She's 75. And while she is growing more physically frail with the passage of time; I can just imagine someone trying to tell her how to live her life or what to do with her apartment. She can inflict bone deep wounds in a polite British accent, and with no profanity being used (neither American nor British)

 

[nvts]

To quote Steve Martin: "Someone needs to give that kid a SPECIAL test."

You brother really has a knack for messing up and in the past making you suffer for it. That's why I believe that you taking the high road on this is going to be his ultimate demise! Eventually, your Mom is going to see the forest for the trees and know that you're the one with the moral fiber in this situation!

Go Susie, Go Susie, Oooo yeah, yeah, yeah!!!

Beth

 

[trinityroyal]

Eventually, your Mom is going to see the forest for the trees and know that you're the one with the moral fiber in this situation!

Susie, Beth makes a very good point. Thing is, I think your mother already knows that you're the one with the moral fibre in this situation. From the sound of things, your gfgbro rides roughshod over her the same way he tries to do over you. And I think your mom might be more than a little bit resentful that you have the gumption to stand up for yourself and try to draw boundaries. She'd rather have company in her misery, than see you break free from the situation and be happy.

Your actions might be highlighting for your mom what she could have and should have done about the situation, and she's resenting you for making her see it clearly. Puncturing someone's delusion is not always rewarded even if (especially if?) it needs to be done for everyone's well-being. I faced a similar situation years ago, when my difficult child-mother kept pushing me to reconcile with my ex-h. We had parallel, miserable marriages and she couldn't stand it that I was taking steps to get out when she just sat there and took it.

Your mother needs to respect that you are taking steps to secure your family's health and happiness. If she can't support you in that, or worse, tries to undermine it, well then she's made her choice and is a toxic force in your life.

Oh. And what Star said.

 

[skeeter]

ah - I'm 52, husband is 62, my mom is 78 and still works full time, and husband's dad is 87 and got married for the second time at age 83!

No one needs to take "care" of any of us.

Stay strong, your brother is an idiot.

 

[mstang67chic]

What Skeeter and Star said.

 

[donna723]

" ... his letter that says that since my parents are in their 60s that he is now setting the standards for them."

Oh, good grief! Those are "fighting words"! I am 64 years old! And if one of my adult children ever dared to say, or even infer, that I was some doddering old fool who was no longer capable of making my own decisions and handling my own affairs ... I would promptly kick said "child" out of my house so hard they would bounce all the way down the block! Do your parents know yet that he has decided that they are incompetent and that he has appointed himself as their 'standard setter" now?

I really think you should tell them, because at their advanced age, it will be a relief for them to know that they don't have to think anymore or make their own decisions, they can rely on him to do it for them! They will probably be just about as grateful to find this out as I would be!

And incidentally - one of the smartest, sharpest people I know is my 88 year old aunt. She can even figure baseball averages in her head as the game progresses! Nothing gets past her. And if one of her children ever said that to her or about her ... let's just say they would live to regret it!

 

[shellyd67]

Geez Susie .... I don't know what to say .. I have been reading all your posts about your brother and he is just torturing you and your family .... my best to you. I hope things work out !

 

[Wiped Out]

Just adding in hugs. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this with your brother. He seems so very toxic!

 

[KTMom91]

Wow...somebody's hiney would be bruised and sore for a trick like that around here. Hugs to you and the kids...and stay strong!

 

[Marguerite]

As I said in another thread - do make sure you keep all these letters in a file. I would go so far as to suggest you scan the letters so you also have electronic copy. Print all emails. You need hard copy and electronic copy, of all of it. Then make somewhere sepcial for each file so you don't have it out in the open, just available as evidence when (or if) it isneeded.

That letter form him saying he's changed the locks and oyu are no longer welcome - it shows clearly that he has infringed on your parents' rights purely to get at you, and your mother can't pretend you are making this up, if you have a letter you could produce.

Don't shove it under your mother's nose - just make it clear, you have it all. But keep it safe, because at some stage once your bro realises just what you have amassed, he is likely to break in to try to remove it or destroy it. So keep a computer file of it somewhere away from your property. At work, maybe. Or a friend's place.

This guy is nasty. Don't let him ever again drag you down to his level. or your mother's.

Marg