boy friends

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lillians, Dec 13, 2008.

  1. lillians

    lillians lillians

    how do yu all deal with the hormones,,omg!! i am having so much trouble,, he is somewhat on her level and making me nuts,, phoning controlling ,,and they arent even really allowed to date,, and its a nightmare,do i put her on the pill or something before more trouble hits,,
     
  2. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Convent is the first thought that comes into my head. (just teasing).

    I'm a pretty big believer that nature prevails. Sex happens eventually to everyone regardless of IQ, responsibility level or religious beliefs.
    Certainly educating her on the appropriate behavior and consequence to a bringing a child into this world. Reinforcing to her sex isn't love.
    Keep putting up obstacles between her and the young man so they are not alone.
    Birth control is also an important ingredient(in my humble opinion) to the plan to keep her somewhat safe.

    Good luck.
     
  3. compassion

    compassion Member

    How old? My value system does not approve of sex for young teens. However, my teen daughter 15 has been engaging in risky behavior and is highly impulsive. I reluctantly had her get the birth control shot last week. I am reinforcing appropriate relationships (she is going after older guys and her social/communication skills are low). I am trying to encourage her to have good boundries while she seems to have next to none. She is 26 days sober and hope she can keep getting that sobriety and stabilized. I figued bc was preferable over a child but I am not thrilled about it. I have easy child 18 who is not sexually active. Compassion
     
  4. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    I am deathly afraid of this stage!! husband says he's getting a gun.....
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I don't think even a convent would stop a person who was determined to have sex from having sex.

    All you can really do is educate her about sex, sexuality, disease, and your values.

    I honestly thing birth control is highly preferable to having anyone become a parent while they are a young teen. There are shots that last 3 months and that would give you some measure of security that she is not "forgetting" a pill here and there.

    Regardless of if you use a hormonal method of birth control, she needs to know how NOT to get a disease. That means condoms. It might be a good idea to take her to the doctor and let the doctor talk to her about this.

    I know our pediatrician gives QUITE the talk about sex to young teens. he is actually VERY good (this is the male pediatrician my boys see - Jess prefers the females docs in the practice).

    Anyway, sending hugs, this age is really tough on a parent.
     
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sigh. Sounds like you may have to give in at some point and provide bcontrol.

    In the meantime, this boyfriend sounds creepy. You said he is controlling and calling constantly. Does he boss her around? Tell her what to wear? Exactly how controlling? THAT part bothers me.
    How is she handling it? Does she like the attention or is she getting annoyed?
     
  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    With a highly impulsive, out of control teen, your best bet is bc. Make sure you use something you can check like the patch or the shot. Pills and be cheeked and spit out. Unfortunately many teens today look at having a child as a status symbol. If she is running with a group of sexually active teens, no talk of abstinence will suffice. Shoot, we have kids getting out of class at our middle school to meet and have sex.
     
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I started educating mine when she was about 5. By the time she hit her teens, she knew she about STDs, risks of pregnancy, etc. I was not naive enough to think she wouldn't have sex before marriage regardless of my beliefs and desires.. I just hoped she would wait until she was truly in love so that losing her virginity wouldn't be something she wouldn't regret later. Sadly, she lost hers out of spite so she could tell me that her first time was on Christmas Eve because she was "horny," when she didn't even have a boy friend. I didn't say a thing, just took her to the doctor and had her put on BC (shots). He gave her the lecture, made sure she wasn't pregnant and gave her a HUGE handful of condoms.

    Had I thought she was going to have sex, she would have been on BC before she had a chance to say yes. I just didn't think she was quite ready. Obviously, she did. I am glad she was comfortable enough with me to tell me even if it was done to hurt me.

    Some things aren't worth the risk. Why take the chance she'll get pregnant if you think she's already having sex or will be in the very near future?
     
  9. lillians

    lillians lillians

    my daughter has an iq of 50, age 16, she doesnt run with any girls at all she talks on the phone mostly and chats on comp ,, i am always around for her to spell things out,, words spelling she doesnt do well with either,, the bfriend is similar to her creepy kind of ,, ugh!!in my opinion,, but i do not see thru her eyes,, i am sure his control is like hers they cannot control much in their lives, so far they have seen each other 4 times outside of school(luckily he lives half an hour away) we have taken her to his dads houxe ,, he seems nice enough,, but i am a nervous wreck we took her to the moms house expecting the same sort of decency and were shaken out of our boots at the difference,and will not take her there again,, she doesnt want to have him here ,, she says we embarrass her?? dunno,,, but the other thing is that i caught her on face book someone invited her,, and she clicked on everything she could asking boys to be her bfreind,,there is also a person ,,a man who goes swimming with his 4 yr old child ,, who had vefreided her seemed harmless,, but then she had his email his cell phone no and home no and started to ask to go for walks etc,,her never a walk she is edentary and to lazy,,i think if sex happens it will be because she is so socially behind and inapyopyiare ,, we try to watch her,,, like a hawk,, she is also as mean as she can be
     
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    one word, the pill. seriously. i had a problem with my easy child last night also.

    i'm just sending hugs and try to breath deep it doesn't get better with teenagers lol.
     
  11. lillians

    lillians lillians

    thanks,, i think so to,,no one hears me,, i feel very alone
     
  12. Jena

    Jena New Member

    We all hear you and are here for you. difficult child's are challenging, mix that up with teenager and bam!!! its' like a roller coaster ride. I"m bringing my daughter who isn't 16 yet to planned parenthood myself so that she can be further educated on what it is she has now I believe done. I've already educated so much and at the end of the day there is only so many speeches and lectures you can give them.

    I think we just have to keep them protected and safe and hope they make good choices. I told my daughter i'd like to put you in a closet till your 20
     
  13. lillians

    lillians lillians

    my understanding of my daughter is that at 25 she may function at 15,,,, if we are lucky,,but the teen stuff kicks in anyway,,
     
  14. maril

    maril New Member

    I feel for you. I am sure it can be very difficult.

    My 17yo son is immature and very impulsive. He had an ex girlfriend, who was pressuring him to have a child (he was 16, she was 17), and, thank goodness, he felt comfortable to talk with me about it. Long story short, lots of talking and then an "intervention type of meeting" with girlfriend, son, husband, and me. She did not become pregnant, and eventually, they broke up and moved on with their lives.

    I would also like to mention that where you posted the adult male, who provided your child with his email and cell phone number, does not seem harmless to me. in my opinion, it would be better to err on the side of caution and have your daughter keep her distance.

    Good luck to you.
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2008
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry, this must be so tough.

    I think the scariest thing for me is the guy who swims with his kid and gave her his email, cell phone, etc and invited her for walks. This is VERY inappropriate behavior, from what I understand.

    I am sorry that the boy is controlling, and it sounds as though she might also be toward him? Some people think that is a sign of "love", I know my cousin did for many many years.

    Anyway, I am very sorry things are so rough.
     
  16. lillians

    lillians lillians

    luckily for us ,, she doesnt really get out unsupervised,, if she does its at the y we take her,, and there are supervisors there that know and care,, the ball playing to everyone seemed harmless enough at first,, til he gave her his info,, i called himas well and mentioned that we would have th epolice waiting around the corner from the y ,, not for playing ball in a comfortable safe place ,,but anything other any form of contact would lead tpo serious consequences,, ,, so am waiting
     
  17. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    i can understand and relate to where you are coming from. my daughter has been stuck in the house on restriction for the last month due to sex/risky behavior. i don't even know when/if i can trust her again, and i am still very conflicted about putting her on b.control. i do think it will make it all ok in her mind to go have it and she won't worry so much about std's.
     
  18. lillians

    lillians lillians

    our daughter has a caregiver supplied by community living ,, her iq and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) do not allow her to be safe,,but at 16 she really was complaining--yu dont give me my life mamma,,, its so sad for us ,, drinking and pregnancy, is a much under raeted sin
     
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