Boyfriend wants to get to know my kids better. Yikes!

[DDD]

Yes, lol, I know my experience is very dated but human nature remains the same generation after generation. I was single for six/seven years with my three kids following the divorce. My children only met three men during that time frame and one of them was accidentally, lol, because I 'knew" my kids and their Gramma would not be home before seven and lo and behold they showed up at six when boyfriend was playing the piano and singing to me as I showeed and got dressed to go out to dinner. LOL! He was a polite, entertaining attorney who was not my cup of tea, lol.

My husband is truly a genuinely good man. He really pushed (in a very quiet way) for us to "hook up" and becme a great blended family. I did marry him in 1976 and we have educated and raised six children and two grandsons BUT I am impressed that you are hesitant. Take your time. No blended family is perfect and if your boyfriend doesn't have kids it is less likely to be perfect. Slow and easy...and with caution is the way to go. I do wish you well. DDD

 

[Californiablonde]

Well it went pretty good. The kids didn't argue at all. No meltdowns. They were super quiet around him. I guess it will take them time to get to know him before they can actually carry on conversations with him. We ordered pizza and watched Shrek. I was worried for nothing. I am going to invite him to difficult child 2's birthday party in two weeks and he will be meeting my grandmother and aunt for the first time. He has already met my mom, brother, stepdad, uncle, and cousin. They really like him a lot. I am relieved things went well for us.

 

[susiestar]

I am happy that it went well. Sounds like a nice evening for all of you.

Be careful about Friday plan changes. This would sound strange to many people, but I know you will understand. Friday is the end of the school week and often school is stressful for kids. Having a set routine on Friday is often VERY important to having a good weekend, esp if you have to do things on the weekend. I found that if we did something out of the normal routine for Friday night it usually ended up NOT being the "fun" that it was supposed to be. Having that night to unwind and to do the 'usual' type of unwinding can be as important for kids as well as for adults. Often it is MORE important, esp with an autistic child, because weekends tend to be less structured and that can cause stress for them. I am sure the low key evening at home was fine. I just wanted to share that we found it was vastly better to do the fun things on Saturday rather than Friday because without the Friday night routine to unwind with, Wiz went totally off the rails.

I got more grief and hassle and criticism over this from other parents and coaches than most other things. Several times I was told that I was "robbing" them of their childhood/fun/happy memories by not wanting to go to a movie or dinner with other people or to let the kids have or attend sleepovers on Friday nights. Saturday was fine, but Friday was for family. Payday Friday meant a trip to Half Price Books, McDonald's for the kids and Chipotle's for husband and I when we lived in OH. the other Fridays were dinner at home, a video and usually husband read a couple of chapters out loud to us. He chose entertaining books with real moral content and good messages. You know, books like "The Day My Bu typical teen Went Psycho", the sequel to it "Zombie Bu tts From Uranus" and at least half of the "Hank the Cowdog" series! husband uses different voices, makes sound effects, and generally had us rolling on the floor with laughter.

Anyway, don't be hesitant to suggest another night for doing things with your boyfriend if your kids need their Friday night routine. It was sweet of you to give up your bridal shows, and I hope you had a good weekend with-o the meltdown that a Friday plan change would have caused for us.

I think it is awesome that you waited to make sure that your boyfriend would stick around before having the kids spend time with him. I know that many people don't wait, and for some of them that is okay. I just think it is better for the kids to not see a lot of different bfs/gfs with their parents. It is just too easy for them to get attached and then get hurt if it doesn't work out. My niece has had a very hard time with the men my exSIL dates. They come in and out of her life and her mother's home like they have a revolving door.

 

[Californiablonde]

We ended up doing Saturday night instead of Friday because he had to work too late. He didn't get off work till 7 and I told him it would be too late to come over after that. We are usually super tired by the time Friday rolls around and we don't usually like to stay up too late. I was relieved. I didn't really feel like having company over on Friday. I got to stay up and watch my shows as planned. Both kids were asleep by 10. Saturday night worked out much better. Next time he wants to come over when the kids are there I am going to suggest Saturday night. It just works out better for all of us.

 

[busywend]

2 thumbs up!