Breaking & Entering, Stealing Car and Heirloom Jewlery Pawned...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by VirginiaMom, Jun 28, 2015.

  1. VirginiaMom

    VirginiaMom New Member

    Above is the latest from my difficult child. She just turned 30, is an opiate drug user and alcoholic and has a 5 year old child. I saw so much of our story in the posts I read. She has been difficult since she was young, worst when she was a teen and I got all the blame from everyone, even my own mother. I was a single parent, I made mistakes but no more or less than other parents.

    When she was 16 she threatened to kill me and her unborn half brother, I called the police. She had a CHINS order (Child In Need of Services) and was finally put into the system. She ended up at an attention home for 4 months, got out when she was 17 and went to a new school, graduated. She moved to a bigger city and started stripping. For years she was flaunting her "income" and buying designer shoes, clothes etc. She was also supporting a boyfriend who beat her and spent all her money. She then went out of the country to strip and was stuck. In 2011, her grandmother died suddenly, my mother. While away she married some jerk in the Air Force who later divorced her and had her removed from their home at 2 AM in the morning. She also hooked up with a bouncer at a club and ended up pregnant with her daughter.

    So, I paid for her to come back to the US with her daughter. Gave her a place to stay in my home and she was to get on her feet. She always referred to her daughter as a "brat" and she always "needed a break" from her? Meanwhile, I had a full time job, so did my husband and we had a child we were raising. But she dumped her daughter with us and went out. Finally, I had enough, told her to follow the rules or get out. She got out.

    I helped her financially not knowing of her pill addiction. When her aunt (father's sister) suspected this and stated something about it of course she denied it. Her father (deadbeat dad) also came back into her life but she knew he was of no value to her. They are exactly the same - both leaching onto others so they know they will get more if separate. Amazing what perspective you have after your experience.

    Last year, she was busted with narcotics and her daughter was in the car. Her daughter was sent with a friend in NJ and she went on the run, didn't show for court and was a fugitive.

    She did finally turn herself in and claimed she was clean and sober and wanted to work on getting her daughter back. I can't believe they let her out until court date in July. So, she came back locally and was at a local shelter going through programs and getting help? (Faking it, now I suspect.) I did help her by giving her rides to appointments or the grocery store and had her over for dinner. But she occasionally had been drinking. I called her on this and told her I didn't want to see that again. She got a job or so she said and we went on vacation. I got a text from her - well like someone else said, a number I didn't know but she has no phone - asking if we were coming back that week - this was Tuesday. I told her check out was Saturday. We decided to come home Friday.

    We returned and my husband car wasn't in the driveway. The door was unlocked. We discovered a backdoor was used to break into to gain entry. We discovered empty wine bottles, food eaten, in the microwave and trash in the wastebasket. We called the police. The officer came and we had concluded it was difficult child.

    I texted the # difficult child had contacted me, that she better get the car back before the police arrived - before they arrived. Whoever was the phone owner texted back she didn't know where difficult child was? Then she called and said difficult child was at work. We filed the report and the officer left. Less than 10 minutes later, difficult child comes with car and my husband wouldn't let her in the house, because I wouldn't let her in the house. She handed him the keys and said, "I tried calling you all"...He responded "You broke into the house and stole my car." She replied, "I need to go to work tonight, can I get my stuff and take a shower?" As he was dialing 911, he replied, "The only place you need to go is jail." Bawling started...officer came, she was taken to jail.

    I since discovered a bracelet that my mother gave me, originally given to her by my father and I wore as my "something old" was gone. I know where it was before we left. There were a few other pieces missing too. I am most concerned about that one. I also have 46 pages of Internet history and she had been here the whole week. Did Google search for "where to sell gold in ourtown" and then searched for the top shop. Hoping that they still have the stuff.

    I am HOPING that once this goes forward we can have the judge order her not to EVER come near me again. I am done. I have tried to help her and there is no more. I seriously would worry about her safety or my own if ever together again. I am not kidding.

    Oh, and for some history here, I have three children, she is the oldest - by my first husband - they are exactly alike and he has done similar things to his own parents when they were alive. We had a daughter in 1999 who died and a son who has more sense as a new teen (13) than she does as a 30 year old. Was I a perfect parent, no. Did I provide everything she needed and some of what she wanted, yes.

    Thank you all - I don't feel alone and will go read the thread about detachment. I've been doing that and prepared for a phone call from the authorities telling me she overdosed and was dead. But she gave me hope that she would turn around again and my heart needs to be hardened again.
     
  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Welcome VirginiaMom. Yes, your story is very similar to many here. I am so sorry you have had to endure all of what she has done. I know too well what it's like to be robbed by your own child.

    It sounds like you have a pretty good grip on letting go and detaching. This is a good thing as it will allow you to go on living your own life.

    Yes, we have all made mistakes. There is no such thing as a "perfect parent" We have all done the best we can and that's enough. Another common thread here among us is that we have all gone above and beyond trying to help our Difficult Child.

    I'm glad you found this site, it's a great place to know that we are not alone, that there are other who know exactly what we are going through.

    Thank you for sharing with us.
     
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    VM--

    Is your granddaughter OK?

    What nerve she has--breaking in, stealing things, leaving messes, then comes back wanting to shower before work (thought she already was at work when you got the text from the mysterious friend?) and expecting no consequences!

    Sounds like a typical Difficult Child!

    Good for you, calling the police! Maybe that will be the wake-up call she needs!
     
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