Breaking my heart

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Bean, May 6, 2010.

  1. Bean

    Bean Member

    My daughter was released from her probation papers a few days ago. She still has no job, no degree. And she's using again. She's living with my parents and has stole money from my mother's purse.

    I'm heartbroken, even though I'm in a relatively good place with detachment. I'm starting to think she's a sociopath or something. She just seems to have no remorse. She threatens all kinds of things (selling her body, suicide, selling drugs)... to top it off she (more likely then not) stole my mom's pain medications and sold them.

    The worry day in and day out is ruining me. I feel like just when things are going good, I get a call and it sets me back.

    Maybe I'm not in such a good place.

    I don't know. I can really feel the stress getting to me, though.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    (((hugs))) Bean

    been there done that with my bff. It was so hard. Drugs had changed/distorted her way of thinking and personality to the point that eventually I just couldn't physically be around her anymore.

    Yet I cared too much to completely detach from her. I'd talk to her via phone whenever she'd call. But even that was so painful. I knew what she was doing to her family, her mother, her kids........and that made it all worse. She'd tell us what we wanted to hear and then go and do as she pleased. It was all about the next high. It became her entire world. Nothing, not even her own boys whom she once adored, mattered. Just getting high.

    I hope I never have to live thru such a horrendously painful thing again.

    We can detach, but that doesn't mean we don't love them and we don't worry.

  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so sorry. Seems she really wasnt ready to change yet.

    I know how it is when those calls make our tummy's take a nose dive. Its like lift off on a plane.
  4. helpme

    helpme New Member

    Bean, stay strong/detached & take care of yourself!
  5. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm so sorry.
    What resources are available for addiction in your area? Can you point her to them?
    Are your parents safe?
    I agree, detachment is likely the best recourse for you. I certainly would let her know that you would like her to go to rehab and will do what is with-i your ability to get her there if she is willing and able to go. BUT you are not willing to tolerate abusive behavior and nor should your parents. I do hope your parents can understand this.
    (Hugs) for your breaking heart.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I am so sorry, Bean.

    I hope that you take advantage of any and all resources available for YOU. Seek counseling to help you remain strong and detached.

    You can be a support to your parents only so far and then it is up to them to put her out of their home.

    It's too bad she's taking this route, but it's not a reflection on you/your parents and there is little you can do about it.

    I know it hurts and detaching doesn't mean you don't care. In fact, I sometimes thing detaching is more painful in the short term because we're not actively engaged, does that make sense? However, as we know, engaging only makes matters worse. Stay strong, Bean. Hugs~
  7. Bean

    Bean Member

    Thank you guys. I appreciate the words.