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Breaking the cycle?
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<blockquote data-quote="craftysis" data-source="post: 132032" data-attributes="member: 4788"><p>Thank you many times over to all who have responded. I sent this link with my husband, and we are talking over some of the possibilities, suggestions, etc. shared.</p><p></p><p><strong>@trinityroyal:</strong> I could definitely see us getting to the point where stripping his room down was the way to go. I hope it is not where we end up, but I have certainly considered it.</p><p></p><p>We both very much believe that when we raise our voices or in any way show my brother is getting our goat/pushing our buttons, that we've already lost the power struggle. It's the mantra that has gotten us through such struggles so far.</p><p></p><p><strong>@SRL:</strong> You're absolutely right, and I find that to be one of the trickiest things about his problems--what is Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) and what is preteen hormones? The book you mentioned is on my hold list, as are two books by Cline Foster (<em>Parenting with love and logic</em> and <em>Parenting teens with love and logic</em>), and Taylor's <em>From defiance to cooperation</em>. I definitely look forward to these resources coming in and having some extra input.</p><p></p><p><strong>@PamelaJ:</strong> Absolutely. I think the combination of grief+puberty is a very potent one. Because it is so often in my mind, I approach every day with him as if we're both oversensitized and heavy with grief.</p><p></p><p><strong>@MidwestMom:</strong> I don't think we have anyone local who deals specifically with Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS); originally, my mother took him to a nearby city to be diagnosed, and I honestly don't know when the last follow-up was completed and if it would be useful to contact those doctors again to see where he is in development. Sometime this month, I'm going to dig through all her papers on the adoption and get that contact info, as well as joining FASlink, which I know was very useful to her when he was a toddler. Other than my mother, my only Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) resources to date have been what I've read online and <em>The Broken Cord</em>.</p><p></p><p><strong>@susiestar:</strong> Point by point:</p><p>* I do have his current IEP and attended the meeting approving it this year. In general, I feel it is pretty nonspecific, and I plan to rally for more behavioral topics in our planning for next year.</p><p>* Based on the last conversation I had with our local adoption rep and my own reading of the adoption papers, all post-adoption support ended with my mother's death. </p><p>* He is not on any medication, though he sometimes uses a small amount of liquid melatonin to help him sleep at night.</p><p>* His last evaluation, to the best of my knowledge, was when he was 5-6 by neurologists and psychologists, but I don't know their specific background WRT Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS).</p><p>* My basic understanding is that the Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) is his main diagnosis, with all other symptoms resulting.</p><p>* I spoke regularly with a Hospice grief counselor for a couple months after my mother's death and attended a group session for a few more. My brother has had irregular visits from a Hospice school counselor who he didn't really connect with. In general, I feel he is pretty open with me about his feelings and talking about our mom, though I definitely felt he needed to have other outlets, too.</p><p>* Thank you SO much for that report link. I really needed something like that to focus my organization and to help me go through her papers. She had a full binder--court documents, doctor reports, letters, school reports and grades. It's a mound of info and having that report to help me filter through will be so helpful.</p><p></p><p>Phew! Again, thank you to all who responded and for helping me get on the right path to good information and to helping my brother and our family.</p><p></p><p>Cheers!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="craftysis, post: 132032, member: 4788"] Thank you many times over to all who have responded. I sent this link with my husband, and we are talking over some of the possibilities, suggestions, etc. shared. [B]@trinityroyal:[/B] I could definitely see us getting to the point where stripping his room down was the way to go. I hope it is not where we end up, but I have certainly considered it. We both very much believe that when we raise our voices or in any way show my brother is getting our goat/pushing our buttons, that we've already lost the power struggle. It's the mantra that has gotten us through such struggles so far. [B]@SRL:[/B] You're absolutely right, and I find that to be one of the trickiest things about his problems--what is Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) and what is preteen hormones? The book you mentioned is on my hold list, as are two books by Cline Foster ([I]Parenting with love and logic[/I] and [I]Parenting teens with love and logic[/I]), and Taylor's [I]From defiance to cooperation[/I]. I definitely look forward to these resources coming in and having some extra input. [B]@PamelaJ:[/B] Absolutely. I think the combination of grief+puberty is a very potent one. Because it is so often in my mind, I approach every day with him as if we're both oversensitized and heavy with grief. [B]@MidwestMom:[/B] I don't think we have anyone local who deals specifically with Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS); originally, my mother took him to a nearby city to be diagnosed, and I honestly don't know when the last follow-up was completed and if it would be useful to contact those doctors again to see where he is in development. Sometime this month, I'm going to dig through all her papers on the adoption and get that contact info, as well as joining FASlink, which I know was very useful to her when he was a toddler. Other than my mother, my only Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) resources to date have been what I've read online and [I]The Broken Cord[/I]. [B]@susiestar:[/B] Point by point: * I do have his current IEP and attended the meeting approving it this year. In general, I feel it is pretty nonspecific, and I plan to rally for more behavioral topics in our planning for next year. * Based on the last conversation I had with our local adoption rep and my own reading of the adoption papers, all post-adoption support ended with my mother's death. * He is not on any medication, though he sometimes uses a small amount of liquid melatonin to help him sleep at night. * His last evaluation, to the best of my knowledge, was when he was 5-6 by neurologists and psychologists, but I don't know their specific background WRT Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). * My basic understanding is that the Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) is his main diagnosis, with all other symptoms resulting. * I spoke regularly with a Hospice grief counselor for a couple months after my mother's death and attended a group session for a few more. My brother has had irregular visits from a Hospice school counselor who he didn't really connect with. In general, I feel he is pretty open with me about his feelings and talking about our mom, though I definitely felt he needed to have other outlets, too. * Thank you SO much for that report link. I really needed something like that to focus my organization and to help me go through her papers. She had a full binder--court documents, doctor reports, letters, school reports and grades. It's a mound of info and having that report to help me filter through will be so helpful. Phew! Again, thank you to all who responded and for helping me get on the right path to good information and to helping my brother and our family. Cheers! [/QUOTE]
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