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General Parenting
Bribe to attend treatment?
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 382889" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>First off, I think it would be a mistake to provide your difficult child with a car until you know for sure that she's clean and sober, and committed to staying that way. Otherwise, you're contributing to her ability to drive while impaired. A bad lesson for her AND your easy child.</p><p></p><p>My other thoughts are...</p><p></p><p>If your difficult child is still using and manipulating the system, then she should receive the natural consequences of her behaviour. If that means not being home for Christmas, then so be it. Honestly, the peace of a Christmas without drug-fuelled drama might be worth the disappointment of not having your whole family together for the holidays. I also think that offering a reward sets a really bad example not just for your difficult child, but for your easy child as well. If you give her a reward for doing what's right, that tells her that she can behave badly, clean up her act a little bit, and get a big prize. It also teaches your easy child the same lesson -- why should he work hard and be good if his sister gets rewarded for being bad?</p><p></p><p>I think that the rehab process might be more meaningful for your difficult child if she either goes of her own free will or is ordered in by the court. If she goes because you will buy her a present for it, then it's just more manipulation on her part, and encouragement to "play the game" until people stop bugging her, rather than to truly work the program.</p><p></p><p>For a lot of our difficult children, they only start doing what's right when they've been backed into a corner and have no other choice. I would try to take every action that would back her into that corner sooner. And getting her an "escape vehicle" won't achieve that.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 382889, member: 3907"] First off, I think it would be a mistake to provide your difficult child with a car until you know for sure that she's clean and sober, and committed to staying that way. Otherwise, you're contributing to her ability to drive while impaired. A bad lesson for her AND your easy child. My other thoughts are... If your difficult child is still using and manipulating the system, then she should receive the natural consequences of her behaviour. If that means not being home for Christmas, then so be it. Honestly, the peace of a Christmas without drug-fuelled drama might be worth the disappointment of not having your whole family together for the holidays. I also think that offering a reward sets a really bad example not just for your difficult child, but for your easy child as well. If you give her a reward for doing what's right, that tells her that she can behave badly, clean up her act a little bit, and get a big prize. It also teaches your easy child the same lesson -- why should he work hard and be good if his sister gets rewarded for being bad? I think that the rehab process might be more meaningful for your difficult child if she either goes of her own free will or is ordered in by the court. If she goes because you will buy her a present for it, then it's just more manipulation on her part, and encouragement to "play the game" until people stop bugging her, rather than to truly work the program. For a lot of our difficult children, they only start doing what's right when they've been backed into a corner and have no other choice. I would try to take every action that would back her into that corner sooner. And getting her an "escape vehicle" won't achieve that. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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