Broke my own rule...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by wakeupcall, Dec 13, 2014.

  1. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Yep, broke my own rule of staying off difficult children Facebook. There's a photo (not a selfie, so someone else was there) of difficult child seemingly dancing in the street while a police officer with gloves on is searching his vehicle. OMGosh.......he's going to be the death of me yet. Maybe he and his vehicle were so clean he didn't care!! But they had to have probable cause, right? Why does he think this is so much fun? It's (he's) about to kill me with worry.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Very good lesson about not checking FB. If he were thriving, he would probably be starting to keep in close contact with you and be very proud of himself and would not be posting his newest on FB.

    I think our differently wired adult children (and they do NOT think like most people do) do have a love of risk taking and even putting themselves in danger. It is a symptom of both antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder. Chaos excites them. The thrill of not getting caught excites them so they take a chance that they will. Risk taking is also a sign in younger children of POSSIBLE (certainly not certain) impending problems as they get older. So is thumbing one's nose at authority and refusing to accept societal norms. Until or unless our grown chldren decide their crazy lives are too exhausing and they decide they will do some very hard work to change, this is their hardwiring. They need to be willing to change their very essence and it is a brave decision and a difficult one for those who do turn it around, but many troubled young adults do turn it around, do the hard work needed to change, and get into serious therapy.

    If drugs is involved, and it usually is, they have to kick that too.

    It does us, as their parents, no good to follow their escapades because we can't change them. That truly has to come from deep within their hearts. Some mellow out with age. My son is mellowing out, however I have to add that he is not perfect.

    At your age, as at MY age, I believe strongly that it is OUR turn to have fun, relax, and stop parenting. Many kids in their 40s feel responsible and caring toward watching out for their aging parents. It usually starts to switch from our parenting them to them annoyingly warning us to "be careful." I am starting to get this from my PCs...lol. I have to tell them, "I AM IN GOOD SHAPE. I AM NOT OLD!!!" lol.

    It is our time, our day. We should be throwing ourselves into the years that are supposed to be wonderful now. We can not live forever to take care of our adult kids who won't grow up. So we may as well enjoy ourselves. I find these years very rewarding and fun and the pressure to "parent" my grown kids is pretty much gone. I do parent Sonic (sort of) because he has some high functioning disabilities, but, truly, he doesn't like it and he is also starting to take care of ME!

    Defriend your son from your FB (just a suggestion) as no good comes from reading about their trouble. We can do nothing about it except make ourselves sick with worry.

    Big hugs and try to have a great, peaceful day...enjoy the sunshine, the sky, the lovely things around you that money can't buy and nobody can take from you. Celebrate life. Let your son live his life without monitoring it. Hugs!!!!
     
  3. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    No, they don't have to have probable cause unless you tell them no. If a police officer asks, "Can I search your car?" and you say, "Sure, go ahead." they can do it.

    It's kind of impossible to tell what kids think is funny. But since he was dancing, I suspect the car was clean.
     
  4. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Clean as a whistle.....thank goodness!
     
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