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Brother and I are going to Butt Heads (vent warning)
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 627669" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Actually, I'm not quite sure what he wants. He doesn't want the house for certain, none of us do, which is why it is being sold. It is a gorgeous house, tri level, good neighborhood ect.....it's the city. He might want mom's money, which she has a decent nest egg, after the house it will be even more decent. Not all of it, but what he perceives as his share. But he claims he doesn't. </p><p></p><p>I think he just wants rid of her completely. No. correct that. I know he wants that. He doesn't want to deal with her anymore at all. As long as she is living in the area (he lives in another county quite a drive) she will drop in without warning. Which now has me concerned because he said he nearly backed into her car last night. She drove herself. She arrived without warning. Although she told Travis they'd invited her to a bbq. This would not be out of character for mom. </p><p></p><p>To some degree I understand that. There was a period in my life when I wanted the same thing. Schizo is one of the hardest mental illnesses to have in the family. </p><p></p><p>His unbridled hatred and rage I think are pushing me to my limits. We had a rough childhood (I'm putting it very mildly) but he and sis in Texas were mom's favorites......they didn't receive the brunt of the abuse ect during mom's psychoses, the other 3 of us did, some more than others. Mom has been helping this bro when I stop to think about it as long as I can remember in one way or another, money, free babysitting......a place to live. Anger at the illness ok fine, but hating her and rage directed at her is unwarranted and just plain mean. I do think his own cheese is starting to slide......if not has already slid off the cracker. I would never had imagined, but there were a lot of years that we had basically no contact. So who knows. </p><p></p><p>He started on a tirade about grandma being the same way. (mom's mother) Now at that point he had most certainly gone too far. I was raised by grandma. I took care of her until the day she walked on. The vast majority of my life was spent in her presence. She was in no way shape or form any way like mom is, not even memory issues. The woman died of cancer at 72. I cut him off at the knees over that one and I was heartless about it. (I don't do that often) 1. He's not going to talk about grandma that way ever as long as I'm alive and breathing and 2. He's not going to start making up family medical / mental history to attempt to help him make his case against mom. He started stuttering and dropped the subject. For the record, younger bro is one of my childhood abusers. He *thinks* I'm just going to cower at whatever he tells me. He doesn't know how to handle it when I don't. </p><p></p><p>I don't know where the dementia / memory loss issues are coming from. Most of mom's siblings didn't live beyond 70, most of them didn't make it to that age. Grandma was sharp as a tack up until the day she passed. Her sister who lived into her 90's was the same way. My cousin who is in her early 80's couldn't have a sharper mind. I do not see evidence of dementia or memory issues or alzheimers anywhere in the family tree. Not that necessarily means much as it is clearly evident we're dealing with increasingly worse memory issues that are effecting mom's grip on reality. </p><p></p><p>I know I'm running out of time. What makes me furious is that I don't need him constantly agitating her and making it worse. If you can't deal with her, leave her the hell alone. If she shows up at your door pacify her until she leaves. Lots of uh huhs and playing dumb as dirt can let her rant on until she runs out of steam without causing her to turn on you. </p><p></p><p>Or better yet, how about you help the situation by mowing her yard when it needs mowed, do the odd jobs she needs done ect and let the rest roll off your back as if she is uttering pure nonsense words which is actually what she is doing. Do these things for her to ease her anxiety and to make her think she has someone there for her when she needs them. Gee whiz it just really isn't that hard to act the grown up in the situation. Such things would calm her down and keep her on a more even keel and he'd not have to deal with so much. ugh Like I said, Idiot. </p><p></p><p>The more vulnerable, the more anxious, the more afraid mom gets the worse her condition is......psychotic breaks from reality are frequent and psychosis is rampant. If he doesn't knock of his stupid childish tantrums he's going to push her straight over the edge and my time will instantly run out. </p><p></p><p>Getting ready to start trying to get her to answer the phone again. I dunno why she isn't answering for me, she always answers for me. But it is really upsetting me. Last couple of times she has been severely depressed (gee I wonder why) and sounded like a vulnerable scared little girl. That is so out of character that I spent hours on the phone until she sounded more like herself. </p><p></p><p>Please keep us in your prayers. I need to get her over here, whether it be to live with me or into a good facility, before something horrible happens.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 627669, member: 84"] Actually, I'm not quite sure what he wants. He doesn't want the house for certain, none of us do, which is why it is being sold. It is a gorgeous house, tri level, good neighborhood ect.....it's the city. He might want mom's money, which she has a decent nest egg, after the house it will be even more decent. Not all of it, but what he perceives as his share. But he claims he doesn't. I think he just wants rid of her completely. No. correct that. I know he wants that. He doesn't want to deal with her anymore at all. As long as she is living in the area (he lives in another county quite a drive) she will drop in without warning. Which now has me concerned because he said he nearly backed into her car last night. She drove herself. She arrived without warning. Although she told Travis they'd invited her to a bbq. This would not be out of character for mom. To some degree I understand that. There was a period in my life when I wanted the same thing. Schizo is one of the hardest mental illnesses to have in the family. His unbridled hatred and rage I think are pushing me to my limits. We had a rough childhood (I'm putting it very mildly) but he and sis in Texas were mom's favorites......they didn't receive the brunt of the abuse ect during mom's psychoses, the other 3 of us did, some more than others. Mom has been helping this bro when I stop to think about it as long as I can remember in one way or another, money, free babysitting......a place to live. Anger at the illness ok fine, but hating her and rage directed at her is unwarranted and just plain mean. I do think his own cheese is starting to slide......if not has already slid off the cracker. I would never had imagined, but there were a lot of years that we had basically no contact. So who knows. He started on a tirade about grandma being the same way. (mom's mother) Now at that point he had most certainly gone too far. I was raised by grandma. I took care of her until the day she walked on. The vast majority of my life was spent in her presence. She was in no way shape or form any way like mom is, not even memory issues. The woman died of cancer at 72. I cut him off at the knees over that one and I was heartless about it. (I don't do that often) 1. He's not going to talk about grandma that way ever as long as I'm alive and breathing and 2. He's not going to start making up family medical / mental history to attempt to help him make his case against mom. He started stuttering and dropped the subject. For the record, younger bro is one of my childhood abusers. He *thinks* I'm just going to cower at whatever he tells me. He doesn't know how to handle it when I don't. I don't know where the dementia / memory loss issues are coming from. Most of mom's siblings didn't live beyond 70, most of them didn't make it to that age. Grandma was sharp as a tack up until the day she passed. Her sister who lived into her 90's was the same way. My cousin who is in her early 80's couldn't have a sharper mind. I do not see evidence of dementia or memory issues or alzheimers anywhere in the family tree. Not that necessarily means much as it is clearly evident we're dealing with increasingly worse memory issues that are effecting mom's grip on reality. I know I'm running out of time. What makes me furious is that I don't need him constantly agitating her and making it worse. If you can't deal with her, leave her the hell alone. If she shows up at your door pacify her until she leaves. Lots of uh huhs and playing dumb as dirt can let her rant on until she runs out of steam without causing her to turn on you. Or better yet, how about you help the situation by mowing her yard when it needs mowed, do the odd jobs she needs done ect and let the rest roll off your back as if she is uttering pure nonsense words which is actually what she is doing. Do these things for her to ease her anxiety and to make her think she has someone there for her when she needs them. Gee whiz it just really isn't that hard to act the grown up in the situation. Such things would calm her down and keep her on a more even keel and he'd not have to deal with so much. ugh Like I said, Idiot. The more vulnerable, the more anxious, the more afraid mom gets the worse her condition is......psychotic breaks from reality are frequent and psychosis is rampant. If he doesn't knock of his stupid childish tantrums he's going to push her straight over the edge and my time will instantly run out. Getting ready to start trying to get her to answer the phone again. I dunno why she isn't answering for me, she always answers for me. But it is really upsetting me. Last couple of times she has been severely depressed (gee I wonder why) and sounded like a vulnerable scared little girl. That is so out of character that I spent hours on the phone until she sounded more like herself. Please keep us in your prayers. I need to get her over here, whether it be to live with me or into a good facility, before something horrible happens. [/QUOTE]
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