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Family of Origin
Brother (in spirit) has shut me out
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 744206" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear bbu</p><p></p><p>I have another friend I have known since I was 9 years old. There were long periods without contact but for some reason I kept going back. About 12 years ago I decided to stop. There was an inability on her part to accept a boundary. And I could not talk to her about it. I came to the realization that she had been mean to me for almost 50 years. That there was nothing to work out. She called my mother because she was lost, telling my mother she did not know what she had done.</p><p></p><p>What I am saying is that I understand. There are moments of clarity we have where we see the fundamental compromises of self to maintain long-standing relationships. And we choose to stop.</p><p></p><p>When I explained to my mother how there was nothing in me that wanted to speak to her, to subject myself to that, my mother used the word "toxic." This woman I began to experience as toxic. I had suppressed this for more than a half century and could no longer do so.</p><p></p><p>This woman felt abandoned by me. But I had realized that she never ever had seen me or my needs. One day I became whole enough to admit this to myself. It is sad. But true.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 744206, member: 18958"] Dear bbu I have another friend I have known since I was 9 years old. There were long periods without contact but for some reason I kept going back. About 12 years ago I decided to stop. There was an inability on her part to accept a boundary. And I could not talk to her about it. I came to the realization that she had been mean to me for almost 50 years. That there was nothing to work out. She called my mother because she was lost, telling my mother she did not know what she had done. What I am saying is that I understand. There are moments of clarity we have where we see the fundamental compromises of self to maintain long-standing relationships. And we choose to stop. When I explained to my mother how there was nothing in me that wanted to speak to her, to subject myself to that, my mother used the word "toxic." This woman I began to experience as toxic. I had suppressed this for more than a half century and could no longer do so. This woman felt abandoned by me. But I had realized that she never ever had seen me or my needs. One day I became whole enough to admit this to myself. It is sad. But true. [/QUOTE]
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