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Family of Origin
Brother (in spirit) has shut me out
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 744246" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Copa,</p><p></p><p>Your words are difficult for me to hear with an open mind. It's hard not to be defensive, especially with this wound so fresh.</p><p></p><p>But I think you are right.</p><p></p><p>Friend and I have been toxic for each other. We tended to always dwell on problems and issues. Ours is a deep and loving bond but also in many ways, a negative one.</p><p></p><p>He allowed me to complain about W and use him as a sounding board for my frustrations and anger around the marriage. Using him as a release valve I was able to stay in dysfunction with W. When in reality I needed to deal with these issues .... with W. I am doing that now. His absence is actually helping me grow closer to W and deal with my marital problems directly and realistically.</p><p></p><p>I remain regretful he chose the route of escape rather than addressing and repairing the issues. Maybe he felt they could not be repaired. I did not agree.</p><p></p><p>But I do now, because I don't think I can trust him not to take the same escape route again in the future. And at 50, I'm too old for this drama.</p><p></p><p>I need to redefine my idea of friendship.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 744246, member: 13303"] Copa, Your words are difficult for me to hear with an open mind. It's hard not to be defensive, especially with this wound so fresh. But I think you are right. Friend and I have been toxic for each other. We tended to always dwell on problems and issues. Ours is a deep and loving bond but also in many ways, a negative one. He allowed me to complain about W and use him as a sounding board for my frustrations and anger around the marriage. Using him as a release valve I was able to stay in dysfunction with W. When in reality I needed to deal with these issues .... with W. I am doing that now. His absence is actually helping me grow closer to W and deal with my marital problems directly and realistically. I remain regretful he chose the route of escape rather than addressing and repairing the issues. Maybe he felt they could not be repaired. I did not agree. But I do now, because I don't think I can trust him not to take the same escape route again in the future. And at 50, I'm too old for this drama. I need to redefine my idea of friendship. [/QUOTE]
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Brother (in spirit) has shut me out
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