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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 297597" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I talked this over with DF and Dude last night. Dude was upset that I didn't get invited to the meeting. He of course, tells me it's on his birthday (again) and asks me to come. He said that I've been involved since day one, and that it may be that he's 18 going on 19 (yes Janet 19 next week) that they want him to take the responsibility for himself) as to why they say I'm to be "phased" out. </p><p> </p><p>I don't take offense as much as feel like they have been trying to sneak things past Dude. When they make moves without me being there they seem to manipulate him and when I find out what they are doing? It makes things more difficult and is NOT necessarily the best thing for him. When I'm there? I ask a LOT of questions and bring a lot of scenarios to the table. It takes time, and it makes them angry - but it's a life, my sons life we are talking about, not some kid in the system. Even if it were - why would you rush through it? THAT is why I was "phased" out. Not because he's an adult - but because they rush through things and I want answers to "Well what if's". </p><p> </p><p>The meeting on his birthday is to discuss the possibility of a move to the apartment. I don't believe it's going to happen. The kids there are very much more mature than Dude. I would describe them as street-wise, without a home. This is not Dude. They seemed nice enough, but the initial meeting with the supervisor of the program didn't go like Dude thought it would and he shut down. It's still all very up in the air, and if anything good has come from any of this I would say Dude is starting to see the things he's goofed off and goofed up in his life. </p><p> </p><p>With most of our kids it seems to come a little late - but I'll never say never. Dude told us last night he wants to go back to hs. At 19 with no hs credits I don't think this is a reality. We talked about a plan B - Getting a GED and asking the school to walk with the graduating class so he can have a cap/gown/tassle. I think that's what it's all about. He admits that trying to get a job without a diploma and being a felon is impossible. If he could get a diploma or GED - that would be one strike less. IF he could get the felony expunged in a few years (10) that would help him by the time he was in his 30's. Long term goal - but a goal. Proves to me he's been thinking. </p><p> </p><p>Then he teeters between one more year of probation and "I think I'm just going to disappear what do you think if I moved away - would it all go away, would they (courts) just forget about me? I hate it here." As a parent you try to think quick and say - well let's do the math. You have one year from TODAY of probation left...which means you are 2 thirds done. You've paid 2 thirds of your fines and have 1 third left to go. You have reported 2 thirds of your time and have only 1 third left to go you are over half done. Why would you throw that away to start all over OR possibly be in violation and get more than ten times that? Hoping and praying logic sinks in - he agreed. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/anxious.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":anxious:" title="anxious :anxious:" data-shortname=":anxious:" /> And you may think it's a no-brainer but I was worried. Sometimes our kids just don't connect the dots. Makes you want to grab their arm and say 1 to 2 , then 2 to 3....and back to 1 DONE.....ugh. </p><p> </p><p>I also heard the desperation in his voice about this new bit of financial quagmire that he's in. The $1200.00 he owes in $153.00 bi-weekly..each month by Christmas. That's in conjuction with his OTHER fines of probation and court costs....so even if he's approved for social security disability - there is just NO way he'll have any money left to live on - and I think that's another reason they are nix'ing the apartments. </p><p> </p><p>So.....throw rocks or whatever but I called the court - and asked if he could do community service for the fines for the traffic tickets and they gave me a court date. At present if he doesn't pony up the $157 - he's going to jail. So...we've decided to pay this for him and let him work it off at our house. DF is not happy about it - but if he goes to jail for the fines - he violates the other probation and that could get him thirty years and well, to me it's not worth it. I don't understand the laws here - six kids robbed an armored car, with guns, and beat a man - it was the 3rd largest heist in the nations history-5.5 million dollars are unaccounted for and they are looking at possibly 9 - 25 years.....and my kid can't pay fines and is looking at 30 years? Again, no sense. </p><p> </p><p>So this is the update. I am going to go to the meeting. I will take the letter. I'm going to show it to them and I'm going to explain that as long as my son WANTS me to be a part of his decision making process I will be there. When HE chooses to not have me there, THEN I will accept no longer being part of his goals as they pertain to THEIR requirements, but as his Mother I will always have a concern with his future, because - I am his Mom and I love him, but will accept my roll as a healthy detached parent of a person with an emotional disability. </p><p> </p><p>Hows that?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 297597, member: 4964"] I talked this over with DF and Dude last night. Dude was upset that I didn't get invited to the meeting. He of course, tells me it's on his birthday (again) and asks me to come. He said that I've been involved since day one, and that it may be that he's 18 going on 19 (yes Janet 19 next week) that they want him to take the responsibility for himself) as to why they say I'm to be "phased" out. I don't take offense as much as feel like they have been trying to sneak things past Dude. When they make moves without me being there they seem to manipulate him and when I find out what they are doing? It makes things more difficult and is NOT necessarily the best thing for him. When I'm there? I ask a LOT of questions and bring a lot of scenarios to the table. It takes time, and it makes them angry - but it's a life, my sons life we are talking about, not some kid in the system. Even if it were - why would you rush through it? THAT is why I was "phased" out. Not because he's an adult - but because they rush through things and I want answers to "Well what if's". The meeting on his birthday is to discuss the possibility of a move to the apartment. I don't believe it's going to happen. The kids there are very much more mature than Dude. I would describe them as street-wise, without a home. This is not Dude. They seemed nice enough, but the initial meeting with the supervisor of the program didn't go like Dude thought it would and he shut down. It's still all very up in the air, and if anything good has come from any of this I would say Dude is starting to see the things he's goofed off and goofed up in his life. With most of our kids it seems to come a little late - but I'll never say never. Dude told us last night he wants to go back to hs. At 19 with no hs credits I don't think this is a reality. We talked about a plan B - Getting a GED and asking the school to walk with the graduating class so he can have a cap/gown/tassle. I think that's what it's all about. He admits that trying to get a job without a diploma and being a felon is impossible. If he could get a diploma or GED - that would be one strike less. IF he could get the felony expunged in a few years (10) that would help him by the time he was in his 30's. Long term goal - but a goal. Proves to me he's been thinking. Then he teeters between one more year of probation and "I think I'm just going to disappear what do you think if I moved away - would it all go away, would they (courts) just forget about me? I hate it here." As a parent you try to think quick and say - well let's do the math. You have one year from TODAY of probation left...which means you are 2 thirds done. You've paid 2 thirds of your fines and have 1 third left to go. You have reported 2 thirds of your time and have only 1 third left to go you are over half done. Why would you throw that away to start all over OR possibly be in violation and get more than ten times that? Hoping and praying logic sinks in - he agreed. :anxious: And you may think it's a no-brainer but I was worried. Sometimes our kids just don't connect the dots. Makes you want to grab their arm and say 1 to 2 , then 2 to 3....and back to 1 DONE.....ugh. I also heard the desperation in his voice about this new bit of financial quagmire that he's in. The $1200.00 he owes in $153.00 bi-weekly..each month by Christmas. That's in conjuction with his OTHER fines of probation and court costs....so even if he's approved for social security disability - there is just NO way he'll have any money left to live on - and I think that's another reason they are nix'ing the apartments. So.....throw rocks or whatever but I called the court - and asked if he could do community service for the fines for the traffic tickets and they gave me a court date. At present if he doesn't pony up the $157 - he's going to jail. So...we've decided to pay this for him and let him work it off at our house. DF is not happy about it - but if he goes to jail for the fines - he violates the other probation and that could get him thirty years and well, to me it's not worth it. I don't understand the laws here - six kids robbed an armored car, with guns, and beat a man - it was the 3rd largest heist in the nations history-5.5 million dollars are unaccounted for and they are looking at possibly 9 - 25 years.....and my kid can't pay fines and is looking at 30 years? Again, no sense. So this is the update. I am going to go to the meeting. I will take the letter. I'm going to show it to them and I'm going to explain that as long as my son WANTS me to be a part of his decision making process I will be there. When HE chooses to not have me there, THEN I will accept no longer being part of his goals as they pertain to THEIR requirements, but as his Mother I will always have a concern with his future, because - I am his Mom and I love him, but will accept my roll as a healthy detached parent of a person with an emotional disability. Hows that? [/QUOTE]
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