BS Meter

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dstc_99, Nov 3, 2014.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Am I the only who has a hard time turning your BS meter off?

    LOL Little things difficult child does and says just make my antennae go up. It is funny because most of the time the stuff she is lying about doesn't even matter to me. It's usually something I have no involvement in. Her latest was string of lies involving a flu shot. She called out sick from work a couple of months ago and the next day came home almost immediately after the day started and told me that work said she had to have a flu shot to return. DING DING DING my antannae began to pick up something right away. That whole day she was home in bed but never went to get the shot. The next day I reminded her to make a call to the clinic about getting the shot but she didn't go then either. Over the weekend she hung out with the boy toy and when asked swore she went to Walgreens and got one. Ahem..... Why would you pay $10 for a shot at a Walgreen's 15 miles away when you can get it free less than a mile from the house?

    Imagine my surprise when husband mentioned the flu shot was available at our clinic this week and difficult child said "sign me up I definitely need one." HMMMMM I thought she already had one. husband had told me I was being paranoid back when I said it didn't add up months ago. Now she just gives me that sheepish grin and admits she lied. Why? I have no idea I could care less about her shot and her job was her problem not mine.

    husband does not seem to have the BS meter that I have. I find that hilarious because he is the military man and the hard crusty one (supposedly). Now I am giggling at my desk because my husband is a lot of things but hard and crusty aren't him at all. He's the soft touch who I have had to tell three times in the last week he can't give easy child back her phone because I took it away for a reason. Men! HEHEHE

    Anyway I have the hardest time trusting anything difficult child and easy child say anymore. I have gotten so used to my antannae little warning DING's that I trust them now. Normally I am right but I try not to mention my concerns to husband because I don't want him to be as jaded as I feel right now. Some days it seems like a good thing that I pick up on the BS but other days it seems like a curse. It would almost be nice not to have my brain calculating the probability in the background. I miss the days of innocence where I believed what my kids told me unless I had proof otherwise.
     
  2. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Dstc, I literally don't believe a single thing my difficult child says. It's exhausting to never believe a word. Yes, sometimes it's almost comical. They'd rather lie than tell the truth any time. I don't need special antennae either...it's ALWAYS a lie, always.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am so good with my BS radar, as I call it, that I can tell when almost anyone is giving me a snow job...lol. Lots of practice. 35 or so years of it. That's when 37 learned to talk...lol. Did you know that if you are talking to somebody and they are looking to the left, they are probably being evasive and less than truthful? :) There are facial signs that indicate truth or lies too.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

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  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    If mine is awake and he's talking he is lying.
     
  6. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    This is my motto because I say it so much. This doesn't only apply to my difficult child but to everyone. I know exactly what you mean.
     
  7. I wish I had a bs detector. I'm smart but gullible.
     
  8. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling. I try not to assume too much, I have actually been wrong too when I have thought I'm lied at nor do I always spot lying (with my difficult child I usually accurately spot the small lies, it is the huge things he is able to hide or which I guess wrong) and my easy child can at times blind side me also with smaller lies, because I tend to assume he is less likely to lie. And in the other hand they actually are able to come up with totally unbelievable crap that actually is true.

    But yes, jaded and fact checking are my middle names. Though I try to spin it to positive and think about it as 'critical listening skills' akin to critical reading skills. ;)
     
  9. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Welcome to my world! Not even considering all the crap my difficult child has put us through, Its VERY hard to turn this off after work. I have all kinds of habits that drive my wife nuts! The worst one is what she refers to as my "Work Voice". I've spent so long getting the attention of the selectively deaf at work that during a conversation, I will start off talking in a normal tone but by the end I'm almost yelling and dont even realize it. My difficult child has commented that he didnt know why I was always yelling at him and we had to explain to him that it was just my normal "conversational tone" from work. Ive also locked friends out of their houses because Im so used to locking doors behind me. Fortunately, another unofficial job skill most Corrections employees pick up is basic breaking and entering techniques. Sometimes its to get past blocks that offenders have put up to keep us from finding stuff but most of it is because most institutions tend to be older construction and can be, well, tempermental at times.
     
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yeah, I still catch Oldest in lies often. She lies about the strangest things, especially about making up or elaborating conversations she's had with people. She elaborates a LOT of things, actually.

    I stopped calling her out on lies long ago because it's a waste of time. It never seems to matter even if I have absolute proof of the lie, she sticks by her story anyway. It's like I could catch her with her hand IN the cookie jar and she'd say, "what are you talking about? My hand isn't in the cookie jar!"

    Sadly I'm so used to this, I just shrug it off these days. Still puzzles me, but I try not to spend too much energy thinking about it!
     
  11. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    This is what easy child does. OMG every day when I pick her up from school she has an elaborate story about her day. She told this kid such and such and that kid was a pain so she told him off. Then she says even the teachers new she was "sassy" today. DRIVES ME NUTS!! She doesn't have the balls to say any of it and 90% of it is so hipocritical it isn't even funny. She has these persona's that she uses to protect herself. One she is snappy and sassy, one she is the victim and is either hurt or sick, the other is quirky.

    Yesterday I told her her "persona's" at school and with friends were getting old. One of these days she needs to throw away the persona and just be herself. I told her if she spent as much time working on being happy in her own skin as she did trying to find a new persona she might be a happier person.
     
  12. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Dstc, that sounds a lot like how our son was at that age.
     
  13. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    That is so truly one of the costs of loving, and of continuing to interact with, our difficult children. I hadn't consciously thought of it, of the truth and the hurt of it.

    Cedar
     
  14. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    dstc_99 --- BS Meter.........Love it! Now I have a visual to entertain myself with when speculating just how big a light might be...where does the needle on the meter go to?

    Absurd lie?
    CYA Lie?
    Gimme-Gimme Lie?
    Flaming-Liar-Liar-Pants-On-Fire Lie?

    LOL! Sorry, don't mean to laugh...but you just brightened my day with your visual! :D And I confess that my difficult child's BS Meter is up a bit this week.....no details to verify that. Hope it's not so. Just not certain. And, honestly, don't even want to dig into it. It's his life and he'll have to make his own choices and receive his own consequences.

    Seriously, though, sorry to hear that your difficult child is lying about a flu shot? Absurd Lie? Or might there be more to it? Who knows.

    Hey, dstc_99 --- I just read your "signature abstract" below your name (your forum bio). What does "choking issues" mean?
     
  15. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    MWM -- Thanks for the link/article on detecting lying. Excellent!
     
  16. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    By the way, like your husband also mine is more gullible one especially when it comes to our kids. Part of it 8is, that he really is more trusting person than I am, but I have also always suspected that it is, because he doesn't want to catch their lies. You know, if you are aware of an issue, you should actually do something to it. If you don't know about it, it is always possible it fixes itself before it blows up to your face. And last winter I almost convinced myself that my husband is doing it in purpose. His insisting that difficult child was certainly telling us the truth about how he almost got himself killed and the absolute denial to even consider that the story was suspicious required so much suspension of disbelief that I find it totally unbelievable that someone as smart as my husband really bought it. But by believing the story he could consider difficult child having such a close call to be about idiotic recklessness and that is something one can deal with by being angry and yelling and railing about it. Even half-arsed suicide attempt there he did change his mind mid-flight is quite a lot more complicated matter and much more difficult for husband to handle emotionally. Even now that difficult child has actually admitted it to also husband, husband seems to rather half think that first story was true even if it had more holes than Swiss cheese to begin with.

    Of course I would be lying, if I would claim that this is true only with my husband. I have to admit I do it myself. When I really hope that some lie of difficult child's is true, I can be quite blind. That is how those huge deals got away from me. They were things that really took the wind out of me, things that have caused me countless sleepless nights, anxiety attacks, loosing several pounds after finally hearing about them, because I was not able to eat or I ended up puking every time I even thought about them. Of course can't help but wonder if it would had made any difference, if I had actually been on the top of it sooner instead of believing difficult child's lies or omission of information and so leaving him to cope with those things on his own. Maybe not.
     
  17. Aimless

    Aimless New Member

    Holy Potatoes!!! I love all of your posted about the BS Meter!!

    Sometimes I actually think that I feel like I don't believe ANYTHING anyone is saying anymore. I have become a living breathing lie detector. I find myself hyper-vigilantly listening to and remembering every detail said to me and comparing it to everything I ever knew or was told on the subject. I had a dear sweet sister-in-law who was known to say "the mouth is amazing... it will tell you anything it wants you to think!" I am convinced that my difficult child is lying and/or manipulating every time he opens his mouth. Everything has a hidden agenda and it always proves to come to light eventually.

    My husband also lives a comfy delusional existence where with any luck, he will successfully make it thru every day without hearing, seeing, or speaking any evil where our family is concerned. He says he will address all lies and deceit that he is aware of... and he is actively looking for none of it, even when its running its game on him as I type this!! Hahaha!

    I guess we each have our own coping mechanisms and I've gotten too jaded and cynical to play along any more. I just smile and say, whatever. Everything comes to the light eventually, right?
     
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