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Bully problem, still!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 148279" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You've reminded me of the other BIG problem I've had with difficult child 3, which has been yet another reason to value spies - difficult child 3 has, at least to a partial extent, face blindness. He's never been very good at identifying FOR CERTAIN who has been hassling him. easy child 2/difficult child 2 has similar problems and is finding interesting ways to deal with it - she works at a checkout (at the moment) and will make a point of commenting favourably on something the customer is wearing, so she can then later connect that customer to what she's buying, in case the customer accidentally leaves some of her bags behind, or similar. But she's 21, and doing this in an environment where she feels safe.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 will often not recognise someone he's known all his life, if we meet that person "out of context". For example, at church he will generally recognise people he's always known, but if we're away from home and see them in a crowded mall, they may look familiar (or they may not) but he often won't be able to identify them. Because we live so far from 'civilisation', I often give friends and neighbours a lift home, if we meet while shopping, for example (saves them the long trip home by train and boat). And almost every time, difficult child 3 will chatter away to these people telling them all about who is in our family and what their names are, not realising that these people already know.</p><p></p><p>Even in his recent episodes of being attacked by local brats, difficult child 3 has not been able to confidently identify his assailants even though most of them are kids who we know well. I freely admit (to you guys) that I GUESSED with the first attack, based almost entirely on which kids I know are regularly found in that locality, and told the police that I was fairly sure that if he hadn't been involved, a certain kid would have at least been a witness. I'd had a chance to explain to the cops about difficult child 3's face blindness so they went in asking this kid ambiguous questions along the lines of, "We've had an incident reported to us involving difficult child 3, his mother is taking him to hospital as we speak; what can you tell me about this?" and perhaps partly because the kid was only about 9 years old, plus he may not have realised that difficult child 3 hadn't positively identified him, he sang like a canary and gave the police another five names.</p><p></p><p>And as often happens, it was over the next few days I had other kids and their parents coming to me with added information on who they had learned had been involved. </p><p></p><p>We have a middle-aged elderly hippy who is also regularly hassled by some of the same kids (as well as older ones). In his case, he's been beaten unconscious by a teen gang locally, and is nervous. But he often has to use his network of spies to find out a bit more about who's in t own, who was involved, who knows about it - so he can pass the info along to the police.</p><p></p><p>We don't have a police station near us - the nearest "cop shop" is half an hour's drive away, which leaves us fairly vulnerable at times. Maybe that helps with recruiting spies - good people look out for one another here because they know what goes around comes around.</p><p></p><p>There are websites dealing with face blindness - they also have tests on them that you can use to determine if there is any, and if so, to what degree.</p><p></p><p>It is quite possible that your son really thought it was this other kid, and it may have been someone else this time. In which case - if he knows he may have accused the wrong kid, maybe he won't feel so antagonistic towards that kid next time? A question for husband to ask difficult child - what was it about that culprit that made him think it was the boy he has been blaming? Was it the body shape? Colour of hair? Height? General impression? Glasses/no glasses? Sometimes it helps to know, so you can work out how he recognises the people around him.</p><p></p><p>Getting the right culprit is important, because every time a bully gets away with an attack, they get bolder and more smug. Not good.</p><p></p><p>I'm also wondering - has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) been explored recently? ADHD kids are not generally so consistently truthful (in that respect, they're normal kids). A few other things make me wonder, also.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 148279, member: 1991"] You've reminded me of the other BIG problem I've had with difficult child 3, which has been yet another reason to value spies - difficult child 3 has, at least to a partial extent, face blindness. He's never been very good at identifying FOR CERTAIN who has been hassling him. easy child 2/difficult child 2 has similar problems and is finding interesting ways to deal with it - she works at a checkout (at the moment) and will make a point of commenting favourably on something the customer is wearing, so she can then later connect that customer to what she's buying, in case the customer accidentally leaves some of her bags behind, or similar. But she's 21, and doing this in an environment where she feels safe. difficult child 3 will often not recognise someone he's known all his life, if we meet that person "out of context". For example, at church he will generally recognise people he's always known, but if we're away from home and see them in a crowded mall, they may look familiar (or they may not) but he often won't be able to identify them. Because we live so far from 'civilisation', I often give friends and neighbours a lift home, if we meet while shopping, for example (saves them the long trip home by train and boat). And almost every time, difficult child 3 will chatter away to these people telling them all about who is in our family and what their names are, not realising that these people already know. Even in his recent episodes of being attacked by local brats, difficult child 3 has not been able to confidently identify his assailants even though most of them are kids who we know well. I freely admit (to you guys) that I GUESSED with the first attack, based almost entirely on which kids I know are regularly found in that locality, and told the police that I was fairly sure that if he hadn't been involved, a certain kid would have at least been a witness. I'd had a chance to explain to the cops about difficult child 3's face blindness so they went in asking this kid ambiguous questions along the lines of, "We've had an incident reported to us involving difficult child 3, his mother is taking him to hospital as we speak; what can you tell me about this?" and perhaps partly because the kid was only about 9 years old, plus he may not have realised that difficult child 3 hadn't positively identified him, he sang like a canary and gave the police another five names. And as often happens, it was over the next few days I had other kids and their parents coming to me with added information on who they had learned had been involved. We have a middle-aged elderly hippy who is also regularly hassled by some of the same kids (as well as older ones). In his case, he's been beaten unconscious by a teen gang locally, and is nervous. But he often has to use his network of spies to find out a bit more about who's in t own, who was involved, who knows about it - so he can pass the info along to the police. We don't have a police station near us - the nearest "cop shop" is half an hour's drive away, which leaves us fairly vulnerable at times. Maybe that helps with recruiting spies - good people look out for one another here because they know what goes around comes around. There are websites dealing with face blindness - they also have tests on them that you can use to determine if there is any, and if so, to what degree. It is quite possible that your son really thought it was this other kid, and it may have been someone else this time. In which case - if he knows he may have accused the wrong kid, maybe he won't feel so antagonistic towards that kid next time? A question for husband to ask difficult child - what was it about that culprit that made him think it was the boy he has been blaming? Was it the body shape? Colour of hair? Height? General impression? Glasses/no glasses? Sometimes it helps to know, so you can work out how he recognises the people around him. Getting the right culprit is important, because every time a bully gets away with an attack, they get bolder and more smug. Not good. I'm also wondering - has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) been explored recently? ADHD kids are not generally so consistently truthful (in that respect, they're normal kids). A few other things make me wonder, also. Marg [/QUOTE]
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