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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 194849" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>As someone now sadder but wiser, I wish to emphasise what the others (and your husband) have been saying - your child deserves to be safe. I agree with your husband, you are entitled to ask for charges to be pressed if necessary. We now are learning this, after the bullying difficult child 3 endured from about age 6 is STILL continuing, with the younger siblings (and classmates) of the ones who gave difficult child 3 a hard time. When they drew blood, I called the police who treated it as AN ISOLATED INCIDENT because they had never had any other reports. My word was not enough, although they were sympathetic. The police told me that I had to report EVERYTHING from that point on, even if it was just name-calling, or a kid even looking at difficult child 3 sideways. </p><p></p><p>And so we have done. And you know what? It has slowed down immensely. ONE kid is still causing problems, but all the others are giving difficult child 3 a wide berth. As for tat one kid - difficult child 3 is now feeling more confident and so copes with it much better. I let difficult child 3 call the shots on whether to call the police or not, just for a 7 year old kid calling him "retard". And yes, even that - the police did say to call. Because it is part of the pattern, for us.</p><p></p><p>So back to your daughter - she needs to feel safe or her anxiety will climb and that alone can get her into trouble. If she's more anxious, then she's likely to be more reactive. The more this happens (especially if she gets into trouble for either hitting back or defending herself) then the more she gets the message, "I can't be good, even when I try to be. I am bad, I may as well stop trying because whatever I do, I always get into trouble anyway."</p><p></p><p>Your daughter also needs to know that you believe her and you will fight for her - appropriately. The more you fight for her, the more she learns the right way to fight for herself. </p><p></p><p>I would begin by writing a letter to the school. Be matter-of-fact. In your letter, explain exactly what happened (like a police report although perhaps not quite so formal). Next, describe your meeting with the principal - even if it's the principal you are writing to. You simply say, "I then reported these events to you in a face-to-face meeting and expressed my concern at the lack of supervision. You told me that this is a big school and that this means you cannot ensure that incidents like this are prevented. This statement concerns me because..." then express your concern at the implications of this.</p><p>Finish with the combination statement that:</p><p>1) they have a legal and moral responsibility to keep your daughter safe, as well as keep the other children and staff safe; and</p><p></p><p>2) your daughter has a diagnosis of ODD (with possibly another underlying disorder) and this should entitle the school to apply for funding to cover playground supervision to both protect her from bullying/having her buttons pressed constantly, and also protect other kids form the consequences of her raging as a result.</p><p></p><p>Finish with the statements that you REQUIRE them to keep your daughter safe, and that any failure to do this, any recurrence of these problems, any failure to take action and prevent this, especially now they have been notified with as much detail as possible, and you will do everything in your power to MAKE them change. </p><p></p><p>If necessary, talk to the Special Education forum mods to pick their brains about exactly how you would do this, exactly what laws the school is breaking in failing to protect your child. Inform yourselves and plan what you will do next. Plan for every possible contingency. Include in your plans the likelihood you will need to pull your child out of this school - sometimes no matter how hard you kick, you can't make them change and follow the rules. As we found out.</p><p></p><p>Whatever the options, whatever happens from here - remember that your loyalties, first and foremost, belong to your child.</p><p></p><p>I also sent a clear message to our local school - I am a busy person. I dislike injustice. I can be a very powerful advocate. If the school does the right thing by my child I can be the school's best resource. But because MY child is my highest priority, if I feel MY child has been adversely affected through any neglect by the school, then I will take it very personally and I can then become the school's worst nightmare.</p><p></p><p>It's their choice.</p><p></p><p>But whichever option - I have to be prepared to follow through and BE a good advocate, or a big thorn in their side, whichever happens.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 194849, member: 1991"] As someone now sadder but wiser, I wish to emphasise what the others (and your husband) have been saying - your child deserves to be safe. I agree with your husband, you are entitled to ask for charges to be pressed if necessary. We now are learning this, after the bullying difficult child 3 endured from about age 6 is STILL continuing, with the younger siblings (and classmates) of the ones who gave difficult child 3 a hard time. When they drew blood, I called the police who treated it as AN ISOLATED INCIDENT because they had never had any other reports. My word was not enough, although they were sympathetic. The police told me that I had to report EVERYTHING from that point on, even if it was just name-calling, or a kid even looking at difficult child 3 sideways. And so we have done. And you know what? It has slowed down immensely. ONE kid is still causing problems, but all the others are giving difficult child 3 a wide berth. As for tat one kid - difficult child 3 is now feeling more confident and so copes with it much better. I let difficult child 3 call the shots on whether to call the police or not, just for a 7 year old kid calling him "retard". And yes, even that - the police did say to call. Because it is part of the pattern, for us. So back to your daughter - she needs to feel safe or her anxiety will climb and that alone can get her into trouble. If she's more anxious, then she's likely to be more reactive. The more this happens (especially if she gets into trouble for either hitting back or defending herself) then the more she gets the message, "I can't be good, even when I try to be. I am bad, I may as well stop trying because whatever I do, I always get into trouble anyway." Your daughter also needs to know that you believe her and you will fight for her - appropriately. The more you fight for her, the more she learns the right way to fight for herself. I would begin by writing a letter to the school. Be matter-of-fact. In your letter, explain exactly what happened (like a police report although perhaps not quite so formal). Next, describe your meeting with the principal - even if it's the principal you are writing to. You simply say, "I then reported these events to you in a face-to-face meeting and expressed my concern at the lack of supervision. You told me that this is a big school and that this means you cannot ensure that incidents like this are prevented. This statement concerns me because..." then express your concern at the implications of this. Finish with the combination statement that: 1) they have a legal and moral responsibility to keep your daughter safe, as well as keep the other children and staff safe; and 2) your daughter has a diagnosis of ODD (with possibly another underlying disorder) and this should entitle the school to apply for funding to cover playground supervision to both protect her from bullying/having her buttons pressed constantly, and also protect other kids form the consequences of her raging as a result. Finish with the statements that you REQUIRE them to keep your daughter safe, and that any failure to do this, any recurrence of these problems, any failure to take action and prevent this, especially now they have been notified with as much detail as possible, and you will do everything in your power to MAKE them change. If necessary, talk to the Special Education forum mods to pick their brains about exactly how you would do this, exactly what laws the school is breaking in failing to protect your child. Inform yourselves and plan what you will do next. Plan for every possible contingency. Include in your plans the likelihood you will need to pull your child out of this school - sometimes no matter how hard you kick, you can't make them change and follow the rules. As we found out. Whatever the options, whatever happens from here - remember that your loyalties, first and foremost, belong to your child. I also sent a clear message to our local school - I am a busy person. I dislike injustice. I can be a very powerful advocate. If the school does the right thing by my child I can be the school's best resource. But because MY child is my highest priority, if I feel MY child has been adversely affected through any neglect by the school, then I will take it very personally and I can then become the school's worst nightmare. It's their choice. But whichever option - I have to be prepared to follow through and BE a good advocate, or a big thorn in their side, whichever happens. Marg [/QUOTE]
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