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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 561143" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>PG I'm sorry she relapsed but as the director said recovery is very fluid, it isn't a start and stop process.</p><p></p><p>I have sen this happen so many times, with my difficult child and many of the girls she was in treatment with. They become complacent in their recovery, they stop working hard and start getting into arguments with the other girls and testing the rules. Whether they are thinking about relapsing at this point or not only they can say, I tend to think they are. But they are conflicted because they are making friendships and building a support group around them and they like that. They actually like the sober community, it makes them feel welcome. They talk the talk and try to walk the walk. They think they can go back into the community and mesh the two together. They tell you they are associating with former friends to try to convince them to go into recovery. What they really want is the freedom to use (on a socially responsibly level they will tell you) while still maintaining the support group they have in recovery.</p><p></p><p>When difficult child left the second sober house she was in she moved in with a young lady who had been sober for two years and was very involved in the sober community. That made her think she would be ok but I am positive all the while she was already drinking. She put on a facade that she thought would made us feel better about her leaving the sober house. She started hanging out with people at AA meetings that were not serious about recovery and she constantly tried to convince us her contacts with current users was to get them into recovery. She began making friends on facebook with all the old drug users she knew before. When I asked her about it she said she was trying to get thim into recovery. Looking back on it I watched her recovery unravel before my eyes since I was going to AA meetings with her and I did check her cell phone records at the time and knew what was going on. Just recently when her cell phone was lost and she had to use an old one I read some texts she had during that time with one of her sober friends in which she told him she really wanted to go back to AA meetings because she missed the people but she couldn't because she was no longer sober. I believe she still feels that way but she just can't stay sober. </p><p></p><p>I'm not saying this to take away any hope that you have in her continuing her recovery, just to let you know this happens so many times but it doesn't have to mean the end of hope. I said the same as you did, if she relapsed I would have nothing more to do with her. I couldn't do that, but I could and did make it clear to her that I would not enable her in her substance abuse and would be there to support her if she decided to go back into recovery. I believe that is the main reason she never asks to move back home, because she knows we are smarter and wiser now and won't fall for her tricks and lies. </p><p></p><p>Your difficult child is back where she needs to be today. She will either decide to recommit herself to recovery or not, it has to be her choice, not because she knows she will disappoint you. I know it's good to hear but recovery has to be for her, not you. That was a very difficult thing for me to accept. I wanted to keep her sober and finally realized I couldn't and that she had to do it for herself because I would not always be there and then what would be her motivation.</p><p></p><p>I am praying for your daughter to have the strength to fight off the urges and demons and keep fighting for her sobriety.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 561143, member: 59"] PG I'm sorry she relapsed but as the director said recovery is very fluid, it isn't a start and stop process. I have sen this happen so many times, with my difficult child and many of the girls she was in treatment with. They become complacent in their recovery, they stop working hard and start getting into arguments with the other girls and testing the rules. Whether they are thinking about relapsing at this point or not only they can say, I tend to think they are. But they are conflicted because they are making friendships and building a support group around them and they like that. They actually like the sober community, it makes them feel welcome. They talk the talk and try to walk the walk. They think they can go back into the community and mesh the two together. They tell you they are associating with former friends to try to convince them to go into recovery. What they really want is the freedom to use (on a socially responsibly level they will tell you) while still maintaining the support group they have in recovery. When difficult child left the second sober house she was in she moved in with a young lady who had been sober for two years and was very involved in the sober community. That made her think she would be ok but I am positive all the while she was already drinking. She put on a facade that she thought would made us feel better about her leaving the sober house. She started hanging out with people at AA meetings that were not serious about recovery and she constantly tried to convince us her contacts with current users was to get them into recovery. She began making friends on facebook with all the old drug users she knew before. When I asked her about it she said she was trying to get thim into recovery. Looking back on it I watched her recovery unravel before my eyes since I was going to AA meetings with her and I did check her cell phone records at the time and knew what was going on. Just recently when her cell phone was lost and she had to use an old one I read some texts she had during that time with one of her sober friends in which she told him she really wanted to go back to AA meetings because she missed the people but she couldn't because she was no longer sober. I believe she still feels that way but she just can't stay sober. I'm not saying this to take away any hope that you have in her continuing her recovery, just to let you know this happens so many times but it doesn't have to mean the end of hope. I said the same as you did, if she relapsed I would have nothing more to do with her. I couldn't do that, but I could and did make it clear to her that I would not enable her in her substance abuse and would be there to support her if she decided to go back into recovery. I believe that is the main reason she never asks to move back home, because she knows we are smarter and wiser now and won't fall for her tricks and lies. Your difficult child is back where she needs to be today. She will either decide to recommit herself to recovery or not, it has to be her choice, not because she knows she will disappoint you. I know it's good to hear but recovery has to be for her, not you. That was a very difficult thing for me to accept. I wanted to keep her sober and finally realized I couldn't and that she had to do it for herself because I would not always be there and then what would be her motivation. I am praying for your daughter to have the strength to fight off the urges and demons and keep fighting for her sobriety. [/QUOTE]
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