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Bump in the road...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 561309" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>PG, I agree with what everyone has said. The therapy I'm in is with the director of a huge chemical dependency program so all the group leaders and therapists have expertise in the recovery process as well as codependency. In my group some of the participants are dealing with substance abuse as you are. I've listened to a lot of talk about this for a year now. Over and over everyone says relapse is a PART of recovery. If we were to not judge it and allow it to unfold in an organic way, we wouldn't have expectations that when not met cause us pain. When they relapse, I've been told, they still have everything they learned and are one step higher on the sobriety path. It's not lost, perhaps put aside at times, but it's not lost. </p><p></p><p>I just listened to my therapist tell me that recovery for the codependent is when your child/husband/wife/whomever is up or down or sideways or in jail or happy or sad or using or not,.....<em>whatever, </em>and none of that has a negative impact on you. You remain intact and able to continue in your own life. You are detached. That we can live our own life and the antics of the other play no role in our well being. She said, 'that is recovery.' (from codependency) Then in my group we had a very good conversation about how that all relates to being a mother of a substance abuser or a mentally ill child, since to us, it seems so much harder to detach from your own child then anyone else in your life. But still necessary.</p><p></p><p>It really is one day at a time. It's so hard for them, their brains are altered, stopping the substance when your brain screams for it, takes a lot of courage, commitment and time. Your difficult child made one bad choice and a lot of good choices. It's a good ratio, it sounds to me like she's really trying hard. I like what TL said "<span style="color: #0000ff">What I have recently come to realize is that part of letting go is letting go of the outcome... it is his life, his choices, and really all I can do is love him no matter what the outcome." </span>I think those are words of wisdom, and I believe they offer us peace.</p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 561309, member: 13542"] PG, I agree with what everyone has said. The therapy I'm in is with the director of a huge chemical dependency program so all the group leaders and therapists have expertise in the recovery process as well as codependency. In my group some of the participants are dealing with substance abuse as you are. I've listened to a lot of talk about this for a year now. Over and over everyone says relapse is a PART of recovery. If we were to not judge it and allow it to unfold in an organic way, we wouldn't have expectations that when not met cause us pain. When they relapse, I've been told, they still have everything they learned and are one step higher on the sobriety path. It's not lost, perhaps put aside at times, but it's not lost. I just listened to my therapist tell me that recovery for the codependent is when your child/husband/wife/whomever is up or down or sideways or in jail or happy or sad or using or not,.....[I]whatever, [/I]and none of that has a negative impact on you. You remain intact and able to continue in your own life. You are detached. That we can live our own life and the antics of the other play no role in our well being. She said, 'that is recovery.' (from codependency) Then in my group we had a very good conversation about how that all relates to being a mother of a substance abuser or a mentally ill child, since to us, it seems so much harder to detach from your own child then anyone else in your life. But still necessary. It really is one day at a time. It's so hard for them, their brains are altered, stopping the substance when your brain screams for it, takes a lot of courage, commitment and time. Your difficult child made one bad choice and a lot of good choices. It's a good ratio, it sounds to me like she's really trying hard. I like what TL said "[COLOR=#0000ff]What I have recently come to realize is that part of letting go is letting go of the outcome... it is his life, his choices, and really all I can do is love him no matter what the outcome." [/COLOR]I think those are words of wisdom, and I believe they offer us peace. [COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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