call 911 on difficult child again, he is out of our house now

[pinevalley]

Alabama Girl: Good for you for confronting the 24 year old mom about whether she was prepared to support your difficult child! I'm sure she was surprised to see you at her door! I am thinking of going to see this mom also, to tell her about the drug problem that my difficult child is struggling with. She is a single mom and my difficult child once said that she works all the time, so it will probably be hard to catch her at home. I don't want to have a confrontation with my difficult child at her house either.
I know that my difficult child is having a great time, skipping school, avoiding his parents and any responsibilities that he has in this house. I still find it unbelievable that he can not try to think past just having a good time at the moment. I know that many teens just deal in the present all the time, but he is really good at avoiding any problems or responsibilities. He is 18 years old, with the maturity of a 14 year old kid....

 

[Kathy813]

He won't last there long. She will get tired of an extra mouth to feed and his true colors will show and he will be asked to leave. That is why difficult child's tend to float from place to place when they have nowhere to go. Eventually they run out of people who will let them sleep on the couch and eat for free.

I wouldn't confront her. She has been fed lies about you and showing up at her door will probably make her think your difficult child was telling the truth. You just have to wait it out. Enjoy the respite . . . he has a roof over his head and food to eat.

~Kathy

 

[toughlovin]

OK I think there are lots of reasons why parents might help a kids friend and let them live there. I don't understand the concept of not talking to the kids parents, especially when they call you. That is nuts. And I certainly can't understand lying to another set of parents about where their kid is.

But I can understand taking another kid in, even a pretty troubled kid. When I was in HS I became best friends with a boy who came from a pretty messed up home life. He definitely was troubled too in some ways. He also was wonderful in many other ways. He and I were good friends but not romantically invovled. I had a big crush on him until he told me he was gay. LOL.

Anyway he spent a whole lot of time at our house. The summer before I went to college he basically lived at my house. It was not official but he stayed most nights at our house. My parents grew very very fond of him and of course he was always polite to my parents. When I was in college he got arrested for having pot in the car when he was out of town. He had one phone call and called my dad who called the judge!!

I was definitely a good influence on him. I was really a pretty good girl up to that point. He was talking to my mom once and it came out that he used to steal cars. She said "what made you stop?". He looked at her in surprise and said "I met TL". He did get me into some stuff that was risky... ie experimenting with drugs.... lucky for me I never got really into it and I don't think he was an addict either. Of course the time was different and drugs were different and not as scary as they are now. BUT he also gave me a lot and was a very special person in my life. I was always very glad that my parents gave a place to go and a refuge from his really messed up family situation. And I think it made a big difference in his life... he did eventually commit suicide when he was in his 40s but without our family I think it would have happened sooner than that.

Now my mom was in touch with his mother. I knew her as well. So it was not the situation where my parents would refuse to talk to his mom. His mom I don't think had any problem with him staying at our house... ro at one point when she kicked him out, the fact that he came to our house. I think it was probably a relief to her to be honest.

None of this is similar to the situations brought up here... but it does make me understand how families would take kids in... and I am sure the kids are a lot more polite and wonderful to other people than to you.

TL

 

[Nancy]

I think there's a huge difference if the parents from both sides communicates and it's ok with all involved and there is no enabling going on. But like you said that is not the case with our difficult children.

I just wish parents would realize that in most cases if a parents kids their kid out it is usually for good reason so they should not assume the parent is a monster and perhaps it is being done to help the kid.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

Exactly Nancy. It's one thing if a kid is fleeing an unhealthy home. It's another if he is fleeing a college education and a loving, 2 parent home just down the street.

 

[toughlovin]

Oh I agree.... I think parents not talking to the other parents is terrible. I can understand why someone would take a kid in, I could see doing that BUT I can't understand not being willing to talk to the kids parents. If one of my kids wanted to stay or live with me I would tell them I would only do it on the condition that I checked in with their parents.

My difficult child stayed with a friend and his family for awhile also. Really messed up people but we did end up developing a relationship of sorts with them. I give them credit for that... and once they got to know me they did check in with me... and when difficult child started having problems over there they called me I think in the hopes that we would bring hm back home or give them money (no we did not do that).

And they used drugs and let all the kids use drugs in their home!!!!

That is one thing my friends mom knew (have no idea if she appreciated it or not) but she knew my parents were good and caring people and would help take care of her son!!! And they did.

TL