Call from police last night...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Jun 5, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all you wonderful people who understand what we go through.....

    As I mentioned in another thread I have been worried about what I have been seeing on my sons fb page. Last night I was worried again but I have been keeping a low profile not saying anything about it but trying to just text to sort of stay connected.

    Last night at 1am we got a call from our local police, the very nice officer who knows my son from the DARE program and who came when we kicked my son out last year. Anyway they had gotten a call from some girls who would not give their name that they had been texting with my son and he was saying he would harm himself... so they wanted to know if he was at home. Well no he is not living here.... but I did get up and gather all the info I could about where he is including the address of where we think he is staying.

    They called back 45 mintues later. The police went to the home found him asleep, woke him up and talked to him. He did admit to being depressed but said he was ok and they felt he was ok. He did admit to someone (maybe the girls) that he had been drinking and using (what I don't know).

    So I was very upset this morning... did try texting him which did not go through... finally it did and I asked him to call us after work. He said it was an exaggeration I am fine... I said to still call me and he asked what about. So I sent him another text which he has not responded to.... we want to let him know that if he decided to go into sober living we would help him pay for that.

    I just think he has started that slipperly slope of relapse and from what I have seen his drug use is much worse and much more serious than i previously thought so I am scared of that....

    It is so darned hard to take care of myself when I get to this place of being obsessively worried about him. I am just so scared that his bottom will be death....
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I can imagine how shocking it was to receive that call. It does sound, however, like you have some good guys on your police department and that they took appropriate action. That is not true in many communities. Wish I knew how to calm your fears but all I can do is send caring thoughts and hugs your way. DDD
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Thanks... yes the cops in our town are good and they know my son and do care I think. I am much less sure about the cops in the town where he is living but I didn't have to deal with them. :) My fears are calmed somewhat since my son said it was an exaggeration (which is very much in line with his gfgness) but still.... my biggest worry is I am pretty sure he is using again and relapsing..... I think there is a good chance eventually he will land in jail, which is better than dead.
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    Sorry about your situation. As a parent it's so hard to watch your child fall apart, I know.

    On the "bright side" these girls - whoever they may be - did EXACTLY what they were supposed to. You, as mom, saw the same posts, but knowing how your son can get, thought it was pretty benign, but also knowing how your son can get, you did go into "alert" mode. These girls, however, could just be FB friends who live miles away, even in another country, but in their opinion, his 'internet persona' was so changed that it scared them enough to try to help him. I think the 'education campaigns' to bring awareness to suicide and related issues are doing a good job.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Actually I was pretty worried about the FB posts but knew that my calling the police for a well being check would really make him mad... and he is staying in a house with other people. My understanding was he was texting with these girls and in those texts actually talking about hurting himself. Not sure if one of those girls was his girlfriend or not. I am SO SO glad the girls called the police, I think they did EXACTLY the right thing and I agree with you the suicide awareness stuff has been good. I don't think he is mad at me for giving the police the info about where he was but I had absolutely no problem doing that, given that the police were concerned enough to want to check on him you better believe I am going to tell them what I know about where he is. My biggest concern is that I think he is using again and I am not sure he makes the much needed connection that his behavior when he uses leads him to some pretty stupid things and if it continues it will land him in jail. And I am very sad that is most likely using again.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    First off? HUGS to you TL - because I've been there and I know exactly how that feels and how helpless it can make you.

    But WHAT A LOVELY, and MATURE bunch of ladies that only needed to hear the words your son said and took it SERIOUSLY - and did something about it! BRAVE, UPSTANDING and WONDERFUL - they could have saved a life, and should be thanked in person. I am surpised that there are still people that care enough to call and get involved any more. It's very nice to know!

    I hope everything works out with your son, and that he is not using again, and this was merely a wake-up call for him that says - the words SUICIDE is NOT a play-toy, that people take it VERY seriously and WILL call the emergency people, 911, and police when people say "I'm so depressed I'm suicidal." - If he's that way I hope he gets help. If he's not? I hope this was the jolt he needed to see that it's not something to play with peoples emotions to get attention. The girls did the absolute right thing.

    Hugs to you for your hurting heart. Hugs to him in hopes that he's clean - and praying for sobriety somewhere in all of this soon.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I also am very proud of those girls for taking his words seriously and doing the RIGHT thing. Major kudos to them!

    I hope your son reaches his bottom soon and will willingly go into treatment. It's so hard to watch them live this life.

  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Of course he is using. If he were not using he would be going to meetings and using the tools he learned in recovery. The fact that he admitted using to someone just confirms it, but you know in your heart he is using. I knew my difficult child was using (relapsed) as soon as she stopped going to meetings and became secretive. There is not much you can do util he admits to himself that he needs help. Hard as it is you are going to have to wait until that happens. I know the panic you feel right now, but the truth is this is his fight. You can offer to help financially but he has to do the work or recovery and it sound slike he is not ready for that. They told us in parents day that the average relapse is 7 times before recovery sticks.

    I'm sorry.

  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I'm glad he is ok and glad that his friends made sure he was ok. As far as the worry goes... well it takes time but eventually with alot of practice you learn to accept that what might be, might be. There is nothing you can do about it but pray and calming techniques. I took up reiki and meditation and it does help me. Although I think that I am now so burnt out on difficult child that I'm probably just numb. But I do remember the panic and the fear that he would end up dead in an ally. Alot of us moms were in the same place as you. We came here and held each other up. We hope you will do the same. -RM
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    We went through something very similar with M last year. The police came to our home in the night to tell us that a friend had called because he had threatened suicide and then disappeared. Our address was on the cell he had. We had a general idea of where his apartment was. He was found on a 72 hour MH hold in another county. We're still living on pins and needles. I don't have any words of advice as to your difficult child. I can only say that in time it won't be so raw.
  11. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Understand all your concerns toughlovin... We have to take it seriously when they are talking about harming themselves. And yes I think abusing drugs goes right along with that. I will say a prayer for your son that the police intervention via the girls call is some kind of wake up for him. And prayers for your worried mamma heart too mine is aching over my young difficult child as well. I understand not being able to sleep, eat or even think well. Worried sick.