Called The Police This Morning

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Apr 15, 2012.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    After difficult child and I got home from shopping husband told him that he needed to try on the jeans that I bought him. OMG!! You would have thought at ww told him to cut his arm off! Cursing. Screaming. Pushed husband. Screaming at me that it's all my fault because I told his father to try to get him to try the clothes on. husband had to restrain him and he told me to call the police.

    The officer came really quickly (he was here in five minutes) and he was VERY nice. Spoke calmly to difficult child, who has calmed down be then, for the most part. Officer explained to him that his parents can smack him and restrain him when he becomes unruly. He sat down and took husband's statement and basically told difficult child that he can't curse or scream at his parents. Sometimes he has to do things that he might not like to do, but because we ask it of him he needs to do it. He told him that while he may be too young to get arrested at this point, that if things escalated and the police needed to be called again that there were other places that he would be taken because the police can not allow difficult child to hurt the other memebers of his family. The officer asked difficult child is he was going to have to come back here, because difficult child seemed like a pretty smart guy and he can figure out that if the police have to come back it's not going to be a good thing for him. difficult child said no, he would not need to come back.

    The officer leaves, difficult child tries on the clothes, and then starts in on how we shouldn't have called the police and the fact that we did simply means that we don't love him and want him out of the house. Then he started in with how his father needs "to say something" to him (he's looking for an apology). I asked him if he thought he needed to say something to his father. "Like what?" he asked me. I told him that he should apologize to him for cursing and being disrespectful towards him. That's his father and that position deserves respect. "My friends and I curse to each other all the time," he replied and I told him that were not his FRIENDS, we are his PARENTS and we are not spoken to like he speaks to his friends.

    He did tell husband that he was sorry, but I think that calling the police did very little in the way of frightening him. He still thinks that he can speak to us in any manner that he sees fit and that he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants, regardless of what we say.

    I have a feeling that office will be back at some point in the future.
     
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What the heck? All about trying on a pair of jeans? Have you pointed out how ridiculous this is? If he is calmed down now, I would make an attempt to find out what it is about that request that sent him escalating.

    Was it that he just did not want to do it right then? Could he have just asked if he could do it at X o'clock? Does he have sensory issues that make clothes an issue?
     
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ugh!

    Scary that he thinks he can STILL do whatever he wants and the police don't matter...
     
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Bunny--

    Another thought (and I know that I am not qualified to diagnosis your child)

    My difficult child goes through episodes where it is almost like she is angry FIRST - and then it is just a matter of finding something that she can yell and scream about. Do you think your son is having issues with emotional dysregulation that is causing him to have these extreme reactions to what should be "non-events" ?
     
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Does that mean that he's spoiling for a fight and just needs a reason that he thinks is okay? Yeah, maybe. We have had days like that, though. It's like he just wants to fight about something and if the issue pops up, well then we have a ready made tantrum on our hands.

    I'm not sure if that was what happened this morning. It was because we told him to do something because I have an insanely busy week this week and I needed to know NOW if the clothes fit him or not. I told him when we left the store that he needed to try them on when he got home, but he thinks that he doesn't have to listen to me, which was why I asked husband to step in and try to get him to try on the clothes. It's not like I even wanted him to try on all of them. Just one pair of jeans (they were all the same size) so that I could know if they fit.
     
  6. llamafarm

    llamafarm New Member

    Bunny, I can relate. I have called the police twice so far on my difficult child. This morning, yesterday morning, yesterday afternoon, all close but I didn't call again. It is so frustrating that these kids don't exactly see the police as a deterrent until I pick up the phone. my difficult child can't put it together fast enough to get ahead of those explosive emotions to stop before he gets out of control. Then the one thing I have to keep him in check and all of us safe is that phone call. It sounds as if you and husband worked as a team. That is a good feeling, isn't it? I'm thinking of you and sympathizing.
     
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Of course I can (many of us can) relate. For lots of kids (including Q, and the kids I work with who have autism) it is a classic symptom that they dont understand different roles, stations, etc... Dont differentiate between what words, what tone of voice, what actions and facial expressions can be used in different settings or with different people. The same things can be said to kids at the park as to the principal, minister, or parents. It is a skill that we work on all the time, directly teaching each and every situation. Just adds to the complexity of everything. sounds like your difficult child has that kind of issue as well. I feel for you because it is a really hard one and I think it is a huge piece of what can make or break their being able to be more independent in the future.

    I have to admit that I am scared to call the police now, after what happened to TeDo's son....the fact that she called for support, even though it wasn't a crime, was used against him. Given the situation with psycho in our life, I feel like I have to do more of it myself. UGGG, stinks because our police actually have helped me too, twice.
     
  8. Oh geez Bunny - I'm sorry you had to do that. Reminds me of my difficult child 2 weeks ago when we had to call the police because he went nuts over being grounded from FB for one night.

    I know that with my difficult child he was already looking for a fight and has been that way for months. It sounds like that may have been the case with your difficult child also. Not sure.

    I just had another thought - when difficult child was younger the sounds and surroundings in places like shopping malls etc. really bothered him and agitated him. Probably still do. Is your difficult child like that? My difficult child could get pretty out of hand for no reason and exhibit some outlandish behaviour if I didn't clue in and get him out of there - and explain to him why he was feeling that way.

    Hugs for the rest of your day to go much better!
     
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Thank you.

    If you looked at him right now you would never know that he had such a terrible morning. He just left with husband and easy child to go the elementary school playground to practice baseball. easy child is playing little league this year, so husband has been working with him. easy child asked difficult child if he wanted to go and play with them, and much to my surprise he went!! I have the house all to myself! At least until they come back, anyway.
     
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Isn't that amazing!!!??? ... that is something I am really struggling with lately even though it has always been like this. Maybe it is due to my fatigue level lately, haha. How can something so dramatic happen then they are just over it and the rest of the day is fine? I guess it is good but I am sometimes having a hard time because lately I feel a little resentful that my day was rocked and it colors my mood for the rest of the day. I usually do just push by it but I have to work through feelings of never wanting him to do anything fun again FOREVER, to just knowing the truth, that this is how it is, who he is, and how we have to keep working on the issues.

    I'm glad he is doing well now!
     
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well, in our case it's because the big blow-out was a stress-reliever for difficult child. She has all this pent-up turmoil and she is going to get it OUT!!! One way or another...

    After she blows - she feels much better. It's a release.

    For us - it was horribly stressful and continues to weigh on our minds the rest of the day.
     
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    DF that makes a lot of sense, Q said again this week...MOM it feels like things are exploding in my head and I just have to blow up or it wont go away....ugggg.....
     
  13. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Bunny, you just described an episode of difficult child 1's. He didn't understand WHY he had to try them on at all much less right now. To him it's no big deal to just return them of they don't. To him, it's logical. To me it's frustrating as all getout. difficult child 1 does not realize WHY I have a problem just returning them later. That is the difference in his thinking. HIS logic makes sense and mine is irrational to him. I agree with DF about the release. Once difficult child 1 calms down, it's like nothing happened.

    ((((HUGS))))
     
  14. sjexpress

    sjexpress Guest

    Bunny-
    Sorry to hear you had such a horrible morning. I have often been pushed to the point that I wanted to call police, should have called the police due to difficult child being out of control and violent toward the family, but I never had the guts to do it and like you, things just finally calm down and difficult child acts like nothing ever happened! I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you and husband to take this step. It was nice to hear how well the officer handled the situation.
    Hopefully the rest of your day will be calm and at least there is school tomorrow!!

    Jan
     
  15. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I hate shopping and trying on clothing so I can see how this can cause a fit. Nonetheless, his reaction was extreme and the failure to be concerned by police involvement is concerning. My friend's son is similar to yours and she has switched to ordering all of his clothing on line. She orders one style in a few sizes, has him try on one after his shower. If it doesn't fit, she'll ask him to try on another but if he won't then, she'll wait till his next shower. When she finds the size that fits, she orders more and returns the one that don't fit. She lets him look on line and choose his colors. She doesn't have to go to the mall or take him there.
    Also, none of my sons will wear jeans at all. They don't like how they feel. Could that be part of the problem?
     
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Did my son sneak over to your house? Boy, does that sound familiar! Even the way the cop spoke to him:

    because difficult child seemed like a pretty smart guy and he can figure out that if the police have to come back it's not going to be a good thing for him. difficult child said no, he would not need to come back.

    The officer leaves, difficult child tries on the clothes, and then starts in on how we shouldn't have called the police and the fact that we did simply means that we don't love him and want him out of the house.

    And then, the guilt trip. OMG, these kids. Arrrgh.

    I'm so sorry!!!
     
  17. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ummm... no advice one the blow-up starts, but...

    Buying pants for a difficult child? (as in, what else do you expect?)
    Go get a sewing tape (the flexible cloth kind), and measure his Waist, Hips (or wherever the style of pants he wears, rides), and InSeam (crotch to "pant length").

    Take sewing tape with you... and measure.

    The only time I got burned doing it this way was... when K1 hid a literal "overnight" growth spurt and added 2" to both waist and leg, in one weekend.
     
  18. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    And no he is refusing to go to his therapist appointment tomorrow night. He refuses to tell me why, but husband and I know that it's because he is afraid that the fact that we called the police will get brought up and he doesn't want to deal with it. I'm sure that he thinks that if we put some distance between Sunday and the next time he actually goes we will forget about it and not tell the therapist. Little does he know that the therapist already knows. I emailed him yesterday so that he would know what was going on.

    Sigh.
     
  19. keista

    keista New Member

    I'm sure you do this with difficult child, but putting it out there just in case - Have you told difficult child that this is therapist's job? To help figure out the situations and figure out how they could be prevented in the future?

    Yeah, sorry, it's one of those obvious things, but I myself miss the obvious way too often.
     
  20. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Kiesta, yes we have told him that MANY times. This is why we go to the therapist. The therapist is not there to judge anyone of us. He's there to listen to what happened and help all of us learn different ways of dealing with the various things that come up. He knows it. He's embarrased by his behavior and he doesn't want to talk about it. It's not the first time that he's done this. I'm sure that it won't be the last. Thanks, though.
     
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