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Called the prison...could it be worse???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 647803" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>If you are very strong now, if you can say no, if you can come up with a simple phrase to repeat when your heart (or shame, or guilt, or motherlove) takes over, then somehow, your son will take the reins of his own life.</p><p></p><p>Maybe. </p><p></p><p>I think that for you and for pasajes too, the phrase about the sanctity of the home rings true and heavy and right enough to stand in the face of the negatives.</p><p></p><p>The man at the prison was pulling out the threads of forged steel that are the only thing holding you up at this point, Tish. That strength you have now was hard won and he targeted and tried to destroy it.</p><p></p><p>That so sucks.</p><p></p><p>Nothing about this is easy. It is like someone is sitting around thinking up new tortures just for moms.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry about the infection in your son's eye. That would probably be the thing that would do me in. You have to be stronger than that. (I would too, if it were me. But this time, it isn't me. "Oh, thank God." Cedar whispers. "This one time, it isn't me who has to be stronger than she knows how to be.")</p><p></p><p>You have dealt with worse things than the prison person. He can be discounted. Maybe, you could see this experience with him as practice. Those accusations he made are the very things you will be confronting within yourself, I think. How will you respond, Tish and pasajes?</p><p></p><p>How will you respond so you are not taken unaware? And once we know that, how would it be possible for you both to come through this stronger and healthier and more certain of your right to cherish and celebrate your own lives, <em>whatever your child chooses for himself?</em></p><p></p><p>That is what we really need, here.</p><p></p><p>A changed perspective, a way to see and cherish and celebrate ourselves and our lives. What we need is a way, some way, to incorporate the horrible things happening to people we love so wholeheartedly.</p><p></p><p>We have to open another facet of self to contain and name and understand what is happening and go on, anyway.</p><p></p><p>We need a way to see and a place to stand where we are connected to the earth, because some things are too horrifying to face.</p><p></p><p>Would you like (or pasajes, would you like) to work through phrases you might use to keep you strong as this next phase begins? We did that once for me, here on the site. I had strong words to say, words I had not been able to think for myself, because it is impossible to do that when the child in question is your own, and I don't care how old they are. I wrote the phrases down, played out the scenarios ahead of time...and I was stronger, when the time of testing came, for me.</p><p></p><p>That would be helpful, I think.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Remember the river scene in Apocalypse Now? I feel that feeling, sometimes. It helps me to name and put a fence around that trauma feeling, to think about it that way. It helps me to see what is happening to me. Once I know, then I can go about learning to stand up, anyway.</p><p></p><p>There was a time, here on the site, when we compared the waiting for the bad thing to happen to the shark scenes in Jaws. That music, that everything happening too fast.</p><p></p><p>That stupid shark devouring the Master Fisherman!</p><p></p><p>What chance does a mere mom have, right?</p><p></p><p>But we have to do this, somehow.</p><p></p><p>Another piece of strong imagery for me was Quasimodo in the bell tower. The Disney movie Quasimodo. He was carrying a bag, a closed bag. I so identified with Quasimodo, all twisted and lonely and reviled by the townspeople and afraid and misshapen.</p><p></p><p>In the bag?</p><p></p><p>Something about my daughter.</p><p></p><p>Horrifying as it was to think about these things, to think about them enabled me to get a handle on the feelings, to name them and look them squarely in the eye.</p><p></p><p>Turned out I was stronger than them.</p><p></p><p>That's what I want for both of you, too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 647803, member: 17461"] If you are very strong now, if you can say no, if you can come up with a simple phrase to repeat when your heart (or shame, or guilt, or motherlove) takes over, then somehow, your son will take the reins of his own life. Maybe. I think that for you and for pasajes too, the phrase about the sanctity of the home rings true and heavy and right enough to stand in the face of the negatives. The man at the prison was pulling out the threads of forged steel that are the only thing holding you up at this point, Tish. That strength you have now was hard won and he targeted and tried to destroy it. That so sucks. Nothing about this is easy. It is like someone is sitting around thinking up new tortures just for moms. I am sorry about the infection in your son's eye. That would probably be the thing that would do me in. You have to be stronger than that. (I would too, if it were me. But this time, it isn't me. "Oh, thank God." Cedar whispers. "This one time, it isn't me who has to be stronger than she knows how to be.") You have dealt with worse things than the prison person. He can be discounted. Maybe, you could see this experience with him as practice. Those accusations he made are the very things you will be confronting within yourself, I think. How will you respond, Tish and pasajes? How will you respond so you are not taken unaware? And once we know that, how would it be possible for you both to come through this stronger and healthier and more certain of your right to cherish and celebrate your own lives, [I]whatever your child chooses for himself?[/I] That is what we really need, here. A changed perspective, a way to see and cherish and celebrate ourselves and our lives. What we need is a way, some way, to incorporate the horrible things happening to people we love so wholeheartedly. We have to open another facet of self to contain and name and understand what is happening and go on, anyway. We need a way to see and a place to stand where we are connected to the earth, because some things are too horrifying to face. Would you like (or pasajes, would you like) to work through phrases you might use to keep you strong as this next phase begins? We did that once for me, here on the site. I had strong words to say, words I had not been able to think for myself, because it is impossible to do that when the child in question is your own, and I don't care how old they are. I wrote the phrases down, played out the scenarios ahead of time...and I was stronger, when the time of testing came, for me. That would be helpful, I think. Cedar Remember the river scene in Apocalypse Now? I feel that feeling, sometimes. It helps me to name and put a fence around that trauma feeling, to think about it that way. It helps me to see what is happening to me. Once I know, then I can go about learning to stand up, anyway. There was a time, here on the site, when we compared the waiting for the bad thing to happen to the shark scenes in Jaws. That music, that everything happening too fast. That stupid shark devouring the Master Fisherman! What chance does a mere mom have, right? But we have to do this, somehow. Another piece of strong imagery for me was Quasimodo in the bell tower. The Disney movie Quasimodo. He was carrying a bag, a closed bag. I so identified with Quasimodo, all twisted and lonely and reviled by the townspeople and afraid and misshapen. In the bag? Something about my daughter. Horrifying as it was to think about these things, to think about them enabled me to get a handle on the feelings, to name them and look them squarely in the eye. Turned out I was stronger than them. That's what I want for both of you, too. [/QUOTE]
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Called the prison...could it be worse???
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