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Called the prison...could it be worse???
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<blockquote data-quote="tishthedish" data-source="post: 648504" data-attributes="member: 17103"><p>Thanks for asking 2M2R. And thanks everyone for your kind words. What a wild ride. How could I expect anything less? Thursdays I have therapy and meet with my Al-Anon sponsor so with your help and theirs, I was able to start working to find my equilibrium and steel myself against what I imagined might happen. Then at 10 p.m. the phone rings. It's my elder son and he is at a halfway house in the city. I was thrilled to hear from him and asked about the circumstances of his release. He said he had not been able to call because he had been taken out of the hospital and placed in isolation (this is the 2nd time). He had a 5 hour bus ride and had just got settled into his new place. He had to borrow someone's phone to call and we only spoke for a minute. He said he would try to borrow someone else's and call back. He did and we spoke for about 10 minutes. He sounded good...solid, and we agreed that hubby and I would see him on Saturday. We went and the visit went so well. He was loving and considerate to both of us and he seemed to be very glad to be in that environment vs prison/psychiatric facility. He called yesterday just to say hello and and to tell me things were going well, it was a nice place and he loved me. He will now be able to see his eye specialist that did the transplant. He can take public transportation to him and I am keeping a safe distance. I don't want to be in the role of rescuer, chief problem solver, whipping post. I'd like to think I have retired from that.</p><p></p><p>It's amazing though how quickly I became shaky after a good, long time of being steady. I am grateful that the support I have sought and put into practice has begun to seep in. It's almost like muscle memory for the mind.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I love how you use imagery in your advice...</p><p></p><p>I compare my own reactions to the scene in the movie Bambi when all the animals have to be quiet because "man" is in the meadow. All of a sudden one bird can't stand it. Her heart races, she starts getting flustered, she panics and goes to fly away despite others trying to calm her. BAM...she's shot down. That's how I feel about myself. I can play it cool for so long and then that perfect storm of uncertainty, an illness or injury, a rogue prison employee, self-doubt, rumination over past transgressions and I am off and running/taking flight. BAM!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>MWM, you always bring me back down to earth. I think of you as an EarthMWM. It is so helpful to be able to rely on the kind of objective input that you so generously provide. It's calming because it validates me and entitles me.</p><p></p><p>We'll see what happens from here. I've had a couple of good encounters with him and appreciate the 3 days on which those encounters occurred. I know things can change quickly with his illness. In between time, I just need to keep focusing on myself, my recovery, my dogs, the weather, good books, good friends and my higher power. Oops, bad Tish. Mentioned dogs ahead of hubby!</p><p></p><p>By the way, before I started this painful learning process my favorite piece of imagery was from a movie too. THIS is how I wished I could change my sons' errant behavior. It was from Moonstruck when Nicolas Cage professes his love for Cher and she smacks him across the face and yells,"Snap out of it!" If only it were so easy.</p><p></p><p>Pasajes, I hope you're doing ok. Let us know. I stopped in here first. I'll check to see if you wrote elsewhere.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tishthedish, post: 648504, member: 17103"] Thanks for asking 2M2R. And thanks everyone for your kind words. What a wild ride. How could I expect anything less? Thursdays I have therapy and meet with my Al-Anon sponsor so with your help and theirs, I was able to start working to find my equilibrium and steel myself against what I imagined might happen. Then at 10 p.m. the phone rings. It's my elder son and he is at a halfway house in the city. I was thrilled to hear from him and asked about the circumstances of his release. He said he had not been able to call because he had been taken out of the hospital and placed in isolation (this is the 2nd time). He had a 5 hour bus ride and had just got settled into his new place. He had to borrow someone's phone to call and we only spoke for a minute. He said he would try to borrow someone else's and call back. He did and we spoke for about 10 minutes. He sounded good...solid, and we agreed that hubby and I would see him on Saturday. We went and the visit went so well. He was loving and considerate to both of us and he seemed to be very glad to be in that environment vs prison/psychiatric facility. He called yesterday just to say hello and and to tell me things were going well, it was a nice place and he loved me. He will now be able to see his eye specialist that did the transplant. He can take public transportation to him and I am keeping a safe distance. I don't want to be in the role of rescuer, chief problem solver, whipping post. I'd like to think I have retired from that. It's amazing though how quickly I became shaky after a good, long time of being steady. I am grateful that the support I have sought and put into practice has begun to seep in. It's almost like muscle memory for the mind. Cedar, I love how you use imagery in your advice... I compare my own reactions to the scene in the movie Bambi when all the animals have to be quiet because "man" is in the meadow. All of a sudden one bird can't stand it. Her heart races, she starts getting flustered, she panics and goes to fly away despite others trying to calm her. BAM...she's shot down. That's how I feel about myself. I can play it cool for so long and then that perfect storm of uncertainty, an illness or injury, a rogue prison employee, self-doubt, rumination over past transgressions and I am off and running/taking flight. BAM! MWM, you always bring me back down to earth. I think of you as an EarthMWM. It is so helpful to be able to rely on the kind of objective input that you so generously provide. It's calming because it validates me and entitles me. We'll see what happens from here. I've had a couple of good encounters with him and appreciate the 3 days on which those encounters occurred. I know things can change quickly with his illness. In between time, I just need to keep focusing on myself, my recovery, my dogs, the weather, good books, good friends and my higher power. Oops, bad Tish. Mentioned dogs ahead of hubby! By the way, before I started this painful learning process my favorite piece of imagery was from a movie too. THIS is how I wished I could change my sons' errant behavior. It was from Moonstruck when Nicolas Cage professes his love for Cher and she smacks him across the face and yells,"Snap out of it!" If only it were so easy. Pasajes, I hope you're doing ok. Let us know. I stopped in here first. I'll check to see if you wrote elsewhere. [/QUOTE]
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Called the prison...could it be worse???
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