Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Calling psychiatrist about husband
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 450572" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>Okay here goes:</p><p></p><p>I emailed my concerns to psychiatrist, specifically that husband's depression is not under control (he spends most of his free time upstairs watching TV and playing Spider Solitaire), and the impulse control issues, the fixation with going to the casino the past few months, the reckless spending, etc.</p><p></p><p>I confronted husband that morning about his behavior and the financial impact. I wish I could say I was calm and non-emotional about it, but I do think he got the message loud in clear. He started off getting defensive, indignant, self-righteously entitled, tried to deflect and change the subject, and in pretty much got in my face about everything, but once I started throwing facts at him and pointing out patterns and the obvious consequences, he backed down and did apologize. It is unfortunate that the kids were around and heard every word. Part of me feels bad that I didn't handle it more calmly for them, and part of me is glad they heard about his mistakes -- good-time-Charlie is not the perfect person he'd like them to think. I insisted he talk to the psychiatrist about all this at his appointment on the 9th. I (right or wrong) compared him to his sister who has a gambling problem and who wisely did not accompany him that night to the casino, telling him she didn't want to get a divorce, and I told him he should've listened to her. I learned the next day that he took that to mean I wanted a divorce, to which I said he misunderstood and left it at that.</p><p></p><p>He's feeling bad (as he should) and been walking around here with his tail between his legs the past few days. He says we have a different view on debt, that I refuse to have ANY. I corrected him saying I don't have a problem with debt for things that are necessities like the house, a car, medical bills, emergency repairs, etc. What I do have a problem with is debt for impulsive things that are NOT REQUIRED -- like buying 100 used dvds because they are on sale for "only" $5, giving other people money for things they WANT to do (like supporting his parents gambling habit), etc. He agreed to get more involved in our finances AND... last night he made his lunch and took it to work for the first time in YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS!!! He also checked with me first about a golf outing he was invited to for this Friday, to find out if we could afford for him to go, which is a big step for him.</p><p></p><p>We narrowly averted the NSF situation thanks to some fast financial maneuvers on my part over the weekend. Someone asked why I didn't just tell him no on Saturday when he called to tell me where he was going -- well, I guess part of it is me not wanting to be his mother or the nag. When I tell him "no" to things it usually starts a big fight and I'm accused of ruining his "fun". Like the time he wanted to buy a spa and as I was doing the mental math for how much we'd have to spend to get ready for it to even be installed (running the electrical, preparing a base/foundation for it, erecting a fence around it to cover city codes, etc.) and realizing we didn't have the money to cover it all, I tried to tell him, I tried to show him and he wouldn't listen and pushed harder. So when he gets like that I've learned to let him have what he's asking for and let the natural consequences teach him what he refuses to hear. When he got home after signing the spa contract he started figuring out what needed to be done and was shocked at what he realized: we couldn't afford to do it! Suddenly it was MY fault for LETTING him sign the contract!!! Fortunately, he was able to cancel the contract. What else can you do with someone who thinks this way?</p><p></p><p>My hope is that the psychiatrist will take into account my email and that husband will discuss with him what's been going on and maybe a medication adjustment is in order. I don't think any efforts husband makes on his own will hold for very long without better medication supports.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 450572, member: 3444"] Okay here goes: I emailed my concerns to psychiatrist, specifically that husband's depression is not under control (he spends most of his free time upstairs watching TV and playing Spider Solitaire), and the impulse control issues, the fixation with going to the casino the past few months, the reckless spending, etc. I confronted husband that morning about his behavior and the financial impact. I wish I could say I was calm and non-emotional about it, but I do think he got the message loud in clear. He started off getting defensive, indignant, self-righteously entitled, tried to deflect and change the subject, and in pretty much got in my face about everything, but once I started throwing facts at him and pointing out patterns and the obvious consequences, he backed down and did apologize. It is unfortunate that the kids were around and heard every word. Part of me feels bad that I didn't handle it more calmly for them, and part of me is glad they heard about his mistakes -- good-time-Charlie is not the perfect person he'd like them to think. I insisted he talk to the psychiatrist about all this at his appointment on the 9th. I (right or wrong) compared him to his sister who has a gambling problem and who wisely did not accompany him that night to the casino, telling him she didn't want to get a divorce, and I told him he should've listened to her. I learned the next day that he took that to mean I wanted a divorce, to which I said he misunderstood and left it at that. He's feeling bad (as he should) and been walking around here with his tail between his legs the past few days. He says we have a different view on debt, that I refuse to have ANY. I corrected him saying I don't have a problem with debt for things that are necessities like the house, a car, medical bills, emergency repairs, etc. What I do have a problem with is debt for impulsive things that are NOT REQUIRED -- like buying 100 used dvds because they are on sale for "only" $5, giving other people money for things they WANT to do (like supporting his parents gambling habit), etc. He agreed to get more involved in our finances AND... last night he made his lunch and took it to work for the first time in YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS!!! He also checked with me first about a golf outing he was invited to for this Friday, to find out if we could afford for him to go, which is a big step for him. We narrowly averted the NSF situation thanks to some fast financial maneuvers on my part over the weekend. Someone asked why I didn't just tell him no on Saturday when he called to tell me where he was going -- well, I guess part of it is me not wanting to be his mother or the nag. When I tell him "no" to things it usually starts a big fight and I'm accused of ruining his "fun". Like the time he wanted to buy a spa and as I was doing the mental math for how much we'd have to spend to get ready for it to even be installed (running the electrical, preparing a base/foundation for it, erecting a fence around it to cover city codes, etc.) and realizing we didn't have the money to cover it all, I tried to tell him, I tried to show him and he wouldn't listen and pushed harder. So when he gets like that I've learned to let him have what he's asking for and let the natural consequences teach him what he refuses to hear. When he got home after signing the spa contract he started figuring out what needed to be done and was shocked at what he realized: we couldn't afford to do it! Suddenly it was MY fault for LETTING him sign the contract!!! Fortunately, he was able to cancel the contract. What else can you do with someone who thinks this way? My hope is that the psychiatrist will take into account my email and that husband will discuss with him what's been going on and maybe a medication adjustment is in order. I don't think any efforts husband makes on his own will hold for very long without better medication supports. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Calling psychiatrist about husband
Top