Can anyone tell me the process of letting difficult child move

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by FlowerGarden, Feb 16, 2007.

  1. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    to a relatives house, out of town, for at least 4 months? It's been a very rough week. I'm really drained. It's been a battle field here all week. I actually went to a hotel last night because I thought I was going to have a stroke if I didn't get away. My blood pressure was extremely high and I had taken all the medicine I could. difficult child has been saying that kids have been making fun of him at school because of his problems. It's always denied by the others and never heard by anyone else. Also, he says that he just wants to get away from us for awhile. He says that he can't explain it, but it's not that he doesn't love us, he just needs to be away from us, the house, the town, etc.

    His aunt, uncle, and 2 cousins live about 2 hours away from us. They are willing to give it a try. That is where he said that he would like to go. What do I need to do and how do I go about it? Also, he has an IEP and is in 10th grade.

     
  2. OTE

    OTE Active Member

    Sounds like you're looking for what you have to do legally. You might ask Tylerfan about this as she recently went through the courts to get legal custody of her grandson. But this also varies by state. And Tylerfan was getting legal as well as physical custody.

    Is this relative in your state? If not, are you aware that in order to transport a minor across state lines one must have legal custody? Also, in schools mine have been in the registration process for school involves having custody papers. So I'd say that you really need to give them physical custody, not necessarily legal custody.

    So I'd have them call their school and ask what kind of paper their school wants to see. Then I'd call your county courthouse and get the family court clerk. Ask them what you need to do. It could be as simple as some kind of notarized piece of paper. But you'll have to find out on both sides.

    Also, you have to notify his current school that he's moving, your medication insurance so they cover him in the other location, and have his medication records transferred if he's going to be seeing different doctors. Depending what kind of medications he's on (I'm thinking controlled sub for ADHD), they might have to show some kind of custody papers plus his medication insur card to get the medications where they are, particularly if the script is from an out of state dr.

    A lot of this you'll have to figure out as you go along. No 2 situations are identical.
     
  3. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    We had my 15 yr old brother in law live with us for a few months. mother in law had to sign a paper saying it was o.k. We went to court, payed some money, and got to be legal gardians. We had medicaid at the time and put him on it, too. It might be different in NJ. OTE has a good idea of calling the school and the family court clerk. The school is who was telling us what we needed to have done.
     
  4. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    He would be living in the same state. I called his case manager at school but we've been playing telephone tag. I was hoping she'd be able to point me in the right direction. What is the difference between physical custody and legal custody? Family court clerk is a good idea. I'll try them on Monday. difficult child doesn't take anything for ADHD because everything makes him feel out of control and he feels like he argues with classmates. We never could find the right mix of medications. He's very sensitive to medications and gets lots of side effects. He feels he does better without anything for ADHD and just having it in his IEP that he can sit the way he needs to in class, etc.
     
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    If he is living in the same state you probably will only have to see a notary. I would call the Town clerk and she can refer you to the correct person for information. -RM
     
  6. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    If this is just temporary, I would think something that gives them the right to treat difficult child for an emergency would suffice. You can set it up with the school that they contact you if there is a problem.
    Do you really want them to take him to their specialists or change his medications? If not then I wouldn't give them too much authority. Think like this is an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). They have a right to have him treated in an emergency but he is still your responsibility.
    You are just talking about a few months right?
    I think respite is important for all parents of difficult child's. You are fortunate to have family that will help out.
     
  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    when ant was 16 and in 11th grade, he asked to go live with my brother. same state diff school district. my brother is a lawyer and also a judge. he made a paper for me to sign custody over to him as the school required that he live in that district to go there. my brother only had him a few months because my son started the same problems in the new school and home.
     
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I had full custody of difficult child at the time she moved to dad's for a month. We both had to sign a paper saying she was residing in the town for his school district and that was it as far as school goes.

    I would say for medical emergencies, a note from you that they keep with them at all time and file with the school is sufficient.
     
  9. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    We are hoping this will be just until the end of the school year. We are looking for him to come back here for the summer. I honestly don't think he knows what he wants but we can't go on like we have been. I will be taking him to his appointments but in case of an emergency, we will look into them having permission to get help for him.

    It's to the point that he treats me horribly. Very defiant, punched holes in wall, threatens to do other damage, gets in my face and says the same thing over and over again for minutes at a time, and will block my way so I can't leave the room!

    He only acts this way with us, his safety net, but I can't take the bullying anymore. medications and therapy haven't been helping us. Has been hospitalized twice and they say he doesn't have a problem because, of course, he doesn't act that way with them. The insurance pushes to have him out in 4-5 days.

    My house is a mess. He's been "terrorizing" me on and off for a month but it was every day this week. I can't clean anything because he literally will rip up papers and throw them on the floor etc. just to try to get a response from me. Taking things away from him just makes him do more stuff to me. I actually spent most of the week going to the library, walking around stores, or just sitting in my car reading in a parking lot because I couldn't take it.

    I appreciate my sister in law for saying that she'll give it a try. I just hope he doesn't do the same there after awhile.
     
  10. TYLERFAN

    TYLERFAN New Member

    Hi Wildcatsfan:

    If he is only going to be away a few months,you probably can just find out what the schools require to make the switch. Most likely you can transfer the existing IEP to the new school.
    As for the medical treatment, I would give a notarized letter to the parents that in case of emergency, they can transport to the hospital. Same as you would do if the child were staying on a vacation with a relative. I would not give the temporary parents too much legal control, you really want to be able to have input.
    Don't be surprised if his going away produces temporary results.
    In actuality, difficult child seems to be running away from his problems.
    He will eventually have to return home and face things.
    Will he be getting treatment while he is away? If so I would make sure I am there for that. I know it's 2 hours away, but it is important. Another thing, if difficult child gets into any trouble with the law while he is away, or trouble at school, you are going to have to be there as the relatives he will be staying with aren't his legal guardians.
    I would check with a family law attorney as to any NJ law that exists regarding this also.
    Hope this helps some.

    Blessings,
    Melissa
     
Loading...