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Can I Quit Now ?
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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 429023" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>You're right....</p><p> </p><p>I DON'T understand.</p><p> </p><p>I read over some of the things in the link you provided. The link says the therapist tries to find a "fit"....fit a strategy to solve a problem.</p><p> </p><p>Ms Ally has talked a lot about "fit" - but I feel like I don't understand what our "fit" is supposed to be.</p><p> </p><p>For example, she asked if I've ever sat down and asked difficult child why she does not like me/respect me. </p><p>I said "<em>Yes. difficult child says that I am anxious and stupid</em>" </p><p>My Ally said "<em>OK. Did you apologize for being stupid and ask difficult child for ideas on how to improve?" </em></p><p>I said "<em>No</em>."</p><p><em>"Oh, see?"</em> Ms Ally said. "<em>You didn't keep the conversation going..."</em> and she went on to explain that I need to improve my relationship with difficult child and I need to engage her more and do more things with her (for example, it was STRONGLY suggested that difficult child needs to be a part of horseback-riding....and that me not including her is an example of me being cold-hearted)</p><p> </p><p>Well, it never occurred to me that I should apologize for being whatever name difficult child calls me. "<em>I'm so sorry I'm a B---. Please give me ideas for how to improve myself?",</em> "<em>I'm so sorry that I am stupid",</em> "<em>I'm so sorry that I am clueless...</em>" etc</p><p> </p><p>Ms Ally also wants me to confront difficult child during a rage. Instead of allowing difficult child to rage by herself in her bedroom, she wants me to go in there - give difficult child a <em>time-limit</em> on the rage (IOW - you have 20 mintues to pull yourself together) and then assign her a task. If difficult child does NOT pull herself together and does NOT complete the task - I am supposed to impose an immediate consequence. Like what kind of consequence? Well, that's up to me but it needs to be severe enough to get difficult child's attention.</p><p> </p><p>My Ally wanted me to role-play this.</p><p> </p><p>OK, so difficult child comes home from school in a bad mood. She is already angry and flies into the house growling and slams the door.</p><p> </p><p>At this point, Ms Ally feels I should go confront her about the door-slamming and inform difficult child that she gets a consequence for slamming the door.</p><p>THEN I am to tell difficult child she has 20 mintues to pull herself together and</p><p>THEN I am to assign her a chore.</p><p> </p><p>IF difficult child is not out of her room and completing the chore in 20 mintues, I am to apply another consequence.</p><p> </p><p>According to Ms Ally - this will quickly eliminate the rages.</p><p> </p><p>As for me? I feel ALL the huge stress-feelings rising just at the thought. My stomache is in knots. My head is pounding. I feel like my heart is racing a mile a minute...</p><p> </p><p>And I posted this thread last night, half in jest to express how I was feeling - </p><p> </p><p>but now this morning, really DOES seem like a good idea to say "Screw this!" and just walk away...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 429023, member: 6546"] You're right.... I DON'T understand. I read over some of the things in the link you provided. The link says the therapist tries to find a "fit"....fit a strategy to solve a problem. Ms Ally has talked a lot about "fit" - but I feel like I don't understand what our "fit" is supposed to be. For example, she asked if I've ever sat down and asked difficult child why she does not like me/respect me. I said "[I]Yes. difficult child says that I am anxious and stupid[/I]" My Ally said "[I]OK. Did you apologize for being stupid and ask difficult child for ideas on how to improve?" [/I] I said "[I]No[/I]." [I]"Oh, see?"[/I] Ms Ally said. "[I]You didn't keep the conversation going..."[/I] and she went on to explain that I need to improve my relationship with difficult child and I need to engage her more and do more things with her (for example, it was STRONGLY suggested that difficult child needs to be a part of horseback-riding....and that me not including her is an example of me being cold-hearted) Well, it never occurred to me that I should apologize for being whatever name difficult child calls me. "[I]I'm so sorry I'm a B---. Please give me ideas for how to improve myself?",[/I] "[I]I'm so sorry that I am stupid",[/I] "[I]I'm so sorry that I am clueless...[/I]" etc Ms Ally also wants me to confront difficult child during a rage. Instead of allowing difficult child to rage by herself in her bedroom, she wants me to go in there - give difficult child a [I]time-limit[/I] on the rage (IOW - you have 20 mintues to pull yourself together) and then assign her a task. If difficult child does NOT pull herself together and does NOT complete the task - I am supposed to impose an immediate consequence. Like what kind of consequence? Well, that's up to me but it needs to be severe enough to get difficult child's attention. My Ally wanted me to role-play this. OK, so difficult child comes home from school in a bad mood. She is already angry and flies into the house growling and slams the door. At this point, Ms Ally feels I should go confront her about the door-slamming and inform difficult child that she gets a consequence for slamming the door. THEN I am to tell difficult child she has 20 mintues to pull herself together and THEN I am to assign her a chore. IF difficult child is not out of her room and completing the chore in 20 mintues, I am to apply another consequence. According to Ms Ally - this will quickly eliminate the rages. As for me? I feel ALL the huge stress-feelings rising just at the thought. My stomache is in knots. My head is pounding. I feel like my heart is racing a mile a minute... And I posted this thread last night, half in jest to express how I was feeling - but now this morning, really DOES seem like a good idea to say "Screw this!" and just walk away... [/QUOTE]
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